Galley Gossip: There’s more to Miami than La Carreta

by Heather Poole on

“There’s more to Miami than La Carreta,” said the well dressed passenger seated in 9D, the seat directly in front of my jump seat, as we slowly climbed to our cruising altitude.

“Oh I don’t know about that!” I laughed, as I loosened my seat belt so I could lean into the aisle and see why the woman three rows back kept waving her hands at me.

“The seat belt sign is on,” I told the woman as I pointed to the ceiling, at the illuminated seat belt sign, after she had asked if she could go to the restroom. “I’ll let you know when it’s safe to get up.”

NOTE: If the flight attendant is still sitting in the jump seat, you should certainly be seated in your seat. It’s not safe to get up yet.

The passenger wearing the nice suit seated directly in front of me just shook his head. Then he looked at the handsome guy with the longish hair from Chile sitting beside him and said, “tell Heather there’s more to Miami than La Carreta!”

The Chilean just smiled at me sweetly, so I smiled back. I don’t think he even knew what we were talking about. But the father and son team from the Dominican Republic wearing matching New York Yankee ball caps across the aisle from the Chilean knew exactly what the stylish one and I were talking about, because in unison they cried, “there’s more to Miami!”

Now this conversation began right after the passenger, the well dressed one, had asked “Do you fly to Miami often?”

“No. Not really,” I said. “Not if I can help it. I can’t even remember the last time I had a layover in Miami.” Then I went on to explain why I’m not a fan of the New York – Miami trips, which had more to do with the Miami International Airport than Miami itself.

“I think you need to give Miami another shot. It’s a fantastic city!” he interrupted.

I’m sure it is. But how would I know? Long gone are the days when I can actually do something on my layover other than shower, eat, and sleep. You see my Miami is not his Miami – the sexy exciting international Miami. Oh no. My Miami is a four hour sit at the airport between flights. My Miami is wearing a navy blue polyester dress and sweating my you know what off as my hair begins to frizz because of the heat and humidity inside the airport terminal. My Miami is swarms of passengers carrying too much heavy luggage wrapped in plastic. My Miami is a plane full of scantily dressed passengers who get angry as soon as they realize we don’t have blankets on board. My Miami originates from New York. Enough said?

I explained this to the well dressed passenger after the flight attendant working in first class made the announcement that it was safe to use electronic devices. Of course the woman three rows back who had waved her hands at me earlier began waving the hands again.

“Not yet. Soon,” I told her as I pointed to the seat belt sign again.

The woman began to crawl over her seatmate anyway.

I shook my head and yanked on my own harness straps for emphasis. “I’ll come get you when it’s safe.”

She sat back down.

Turning my attention back to the well dressed one, I added that even though the New York – Miami route isn’t my favorite trip, I do get excited, probably a little too excited, about one thing – La Caretta.

La Caretta is a popular Cuban restaurant located in concourse D outside of security. Apparently, according to the well dressed one, La Carreta has several locations in the city of Miami, but, as you know, I only have time to go to the one located at the airport. Trust me, it’s worth leaving the secured area for the food at La Caretta, no matter how long the lines.

White rice and black beans with a sprinkling of onions and cilantro and a side of beef picadillo and plantains, that’s what I order each and every time I pass through town. The best part about La Carreta, besides the good food, are the reasonable prices. The large portions aren’t bad, either. Don’t you know I can eat it all – it’s that good!

Of course, after La Carreta it’s off to Versailles for a cafe con leche.

La Carreta is as close to the city of Miami as I get these days. And I imagine it will be a very long time before flight crews see long layovers again. So when someone tells me there’s more to Miami than La Carreta, I am forced to disagree. For me, and other flight attendants, La Carreta is the light at the end of the tunnel, especially when you’re working the New York – Miami route.

Galley Gossip: Ma’am, is that a frying pan in your bag?

by Heather Poole on

“Ma’am,” said the TSA agent as he stared at the screen in disbelief.

I gulped. Oh no, here we go, I thought, as I stood in line and watched him sitting on the stool inspecting my bag on the screen in front of him. I smiled a friendly smile and tried to act nonchalant, as if I hadn’t been dreading this moment all day. Man, I knew this was going to happen!

The TSA agent looked at me, and back at the screen. “Is that a frying pan in your suitcase?”

“Yes, sir, that is, in fact, a frying pan in my bag,” I laughed.

All I could do was laugh. Not only had my grandpa given me a cast iron skillet (or two – okay three!), earlier that morning, he’d also given me a pound of potatoes from his garden in Texas. Luckily I found all the items he’d hidden in my bag before leaving for the airport. I only kept one cast iron skillet, and in my defense, it was the smallest one.

“Is everything okay?” I asked the TSA agent as he looked over his shoulder and made eye contact with another agent.

Guess not. Because now there were three agents surrounding the screen. They whispered amongst themselves and studied the frying pan with great intensity. It’s just a frying pan, I wanted to say, but didn’t, because now all three of them were looking at me. I, of course, just smiled and held my breath. Normally, in this kind of situation I’ll crack a joke, say something silly about cooking eggs for the crew, but this time I kept my mouth shut.

NOTE: Always – ALWAYS – keep your mouth shut when TSA is inspecting your bag. And do whatever they say. Whether you like it or not.

It seemed like an eternity before the backup agents walked away from the screen. The one left sitting on the stool just shook his head and didn’t say another word as the conveyor belt started to move again. When my suitcase popped out on the other side I thanked the guy and went on my merry way. That was close. Maybe a little too close.

TSA, I’m sure, has seen it all. And then some! I mean if I’m hauling a frying pan across the country, I wonder what other people are packing in their bags. It got me thinking.

“Excuse me,” I said to a TSA agent standing beside me at the Wendy’s counter at La Guardia airport last week. I had just ordered an iced tea, a little treat before starting a killer three-day trip flying in and out of Miami. (I still don’t know what I was doing on that trip.) After explaining to the TSA agent I was in the process of writing a post about weird things people pack, I went on to ask, “What strange things have you seen on the job?”

As the TSA agent reached for a bag of food, the words, “Nothing too strange,” were mumbled.

“Really?” I said. Now I was completely disappointed. Certainly this person had seen something! I handed a tired looking cashier lady two dollars and grabbed my drink. “I’m surprised to hear that.”

As I punched a straw through the plastic lid, I almost didn’t hear the agent mumble, “Well, there was a lady last week who…”

I spun around. “Who what? Tell me!”

“Kept setting off the security machine. We couldn’t figure out what it was. Finally we had to take her aside and that’s when she told us she was wearing a remote controlled (the following two words are my words – not the TSA agent’s words) body massager.”

My mouth dropped open and my eyes had to be bugging out of my head. “A what!”

“In her underpants,” the agent said matter of fact, as if this kind of thing happened daily, before heading back to work.

Now I’ve never seen anything like that before, and I hope I never do, but once, while flying an international trip, I did happen upon a very strong senior mama carrying two rollaboards down a flight of stairs where the crew van awaited on the tarmac in London.

“Are you a commuter?” I asked eying both bags, one in each hand, as I stood feeling so teeny tiny beside a gigantic 767.

“No, sweetie, this is my Cappuccino maker,” the flight attendant said, nodding at the bag on the right. “I make coffee for the crew in the mornings in my room. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like.”

And I did join in for coffee the next morning, since our layover rooms did not have coffee makers. Just tea pots. We were in London, remember? Thirteen years later I can say that toting a coffee maker across the ocean is not the norm. However, it’s not-not the norm either, because when relaying this story to another flight attendant she laughed and said, “What about flight attendants who bring their sewing machines with them on their layovers?”

Apparently we have a hat maker amongst our ranks.

While I’ve never met the hat guy, I did watch in shock as a flight attendant carried a very large item through airport security and onto the airplane. I must add that the flight attendant dragging the monstrous machine also wore a wet lopsided bee hive of a bun on the side of her head. I couldn’t decide which was more disturbing, the item being hauled through the airport or the hair.

Crazy is on the plane, each and every flight, but usually crazy is sitting in a seat and waiting for a drink – not working the other side of the cart. With me.

“Excuse me, ma’am” I said to the flight attendant with the screwy bun, channeling the TSA agent above. “Is that a vacuum cleaner attached to your bag?”

What other strange things have been found on planes?


Galley Gossip: More stuff for the airline museum…

by Heather Poole on

“What are you doing with all that?” asked The Husband, holding a huge bag of seafood as he stared (very rudely) into my grocery cart.

“It’s for work,” I said, and then I pushed the cart down the aisle – away from him, away from his hands, hands that, if given the chance, would take what was in my cart out of my cart.

“Work?” I heard him say behind me.

“Yeah work. I’m going to write about it!” I exclaimed, thankful to have an excuse, a very good excuse – that was actually true! – as I continued pushing the cart to the check out stand.

Following quickly behind me, he asked, “Just how many bottles do you need?”

As many as I could get in the cart. But I didn’t tell him that. What I told him was we needed all the bottles of wine for our guests that were in town visiting. What I didn’t tell him was that there was no way the guests that were in town visiting were going to touch my wine. That’s right, I said it, my wine!

If you’re a flight attendant, or an aviation enthusiast, you probably own a lot of airline crap. Like me. Of course we don’t refer to it as crap. Oh no, these are our treasures. Precious treasures. That belong in a museum. Like the one I USED to have in my guest room closet. I say USED to have because The Husband recently boxed up my airline museum and drove the contents that are now inside a giant grey tub to a storage facility nearby. Of course he did this while I was away on a trip.

Hey, that’s fine with me. Now I’ve got more room for more crap. I mean treasures! Like AUS Boarding Pass 2006 Shiraz, a very cool bottle of wine I found at Costco.

There I was at Costco, leaning against the wine, impatiently waiting for The Husband to hurry up and pick out a few crab and shrimp from the crab and shrimp guy so we could FINALLY leave and start dinner, when I actually turned around and focused on what I happened to be leaning on. I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was like god had sent them to me. And oh my god they were so cute! I had to have one. Or two. Or three. In case I needed to…umm…you know…share…or something. As I filled the cart, I couldn’t help but think what a great flight attendant gift the bottles of wine would make, so I put a few more bottles into the cart. That’s when The Husband appeared and I took off.

The name of the wine, you ask? I’m not sure. On one side of the bottle, the side that looks like a boarding card, it says Boarding Pass. On the other side of the bottle, the side that looks like an information card (the one located in the seat back in front of you) it says Grateful Palate Airwines. And around the top of the bottle, the thing that looks like a baggage claim ticket, it says AUS Boarding Pass 2006 Shiraz. Like I said, it’s not exactly clear. What is clear is it’s the most adorable bottle of wine I’ve ever seen. And it tastes pretty good, too.

WAIT!

Before you jump into the car to go and look for your own cute bottle of wine to add to your own museum, because I know you will, which is good, because you really should…do you think you could pick me up another bottle. Ya know…in case I lose a bottle…or something.

Thanks.

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Galley Gossip: Love on the Plane – plus enter to win More Than This by Margo Candela

by Heather Poole on

Love on the plane, it happens. In fact, it happened to me. That’s where I met my husband, on a flight from New York to Los Angeles. I’m guessing we were somewhere over Illinois when I gave him my phone number. The interesting thing about it is he wasn’t even my type (not at all), which was good because my type, I soon realized, had a tendency to suck.

Love on an airplane. It happens. I don’t know why it doesn’t happen more often.

I mean where else but on an airplane (or at an airport) do you get such an interesting mix of people from all walks of life? Not to mention, you can tell a lot about a person by how they travel, particularly when it comes to how they treat the flight attendant. Don’t believe me? Next time you find yourself cramped in a middle seat, just watch the people around you.

I noticed my husband right away. What I liked about him was he didn’t flirt, but he was nice and very polite. Always he said please and thank you, and he looked me in the eye whenever he addressed me, which rarely seems to happen these days. The thing that stood out the most about the passenger who would soon become my husband, was a very tasty looking sandwich he had brought on-board from a deli in Manhattan. That said it all. It said he liked good food. It said he was a man with a plan. It said he knew how to take care of himself. When he noticed me drooling over his seat, he offered me a bite. I didn’t take the bite, but I knew right then and there he was the guy for me. Eight months later we were engaged. Six years later we have a two year-old son.

Love on the airplane. It happens. Has it happened to you?

Ever been at the airport, or on an airplane, when you spot that hot guy (or girl) at the exact same time he (or she) looks at you, and you swear you can actually feel your heart beating just as he (or she) is boarding a flight, deplaning the flight, or in the process of taking another flight, and you want to yell out WAIT! STOP! But you don’t. Because…well…normal people just don’t scream out in public places at strangers, even if that stranger makes your heart go thump thump thump. Yet later you find yourself wishing you’d actually done just that. And you wonder what would have happened if you had done just that – yelled those two little words that may have changed your life forever.
Chances are, if you’ve ever been in a situation like the one mentioned above, you’re going to love More Than This by Margo Candela. I know I did. Oh sure Margo is a friend, and one of the writers in my writing group, but this girl can write! Trust me. In fact, movie deals for this book should be rolling in any day now. I’ve already offered (okay fine, I demanded!) to play the role of the flight attendant when the movie comes out.
So tell me all about your experiences with love on the plane – whether it happened, almost happened, didn’t happen (but wish it had), or maybe it did happen and you really wish it hadn’t happened – and you’ll have a chance to win an autographed copy of More Than This, a story about missed connections, written by Margo Candela. The perfect read to pass your time on the next flight. We’ll draw a lucky winner by Friday, August 8, 2008
Good Luck!
  • To enter, simply leave a comment below telling us all about your experience finding love on an airplane.
  • The comment must be left before Friday, August 8, 2008 at 5pm Eastern time
  • You may enter only once.
  • One winner will be selected in a random drawing.
  • One Grand Prize Winner will receive a free, autographed copy of More Than This, by Margo Candela.
  • Open to legal residents of the 50 United States and the District of Columbia who are 18 and older.
  • Book is valued at $14.
  • Click here for complete Official Rules.

Galley Gossip: Naked on a plane – everything you ever wanted to know, and more…

by Heather Poole on

I can’t remember the precise destination we were working, but what I do remember was the shocked look on my coworkers face when he came running up to the first class galley and exclaimed, “There’s a naked woman in coach!”

“What!” two of us cried in unison.

Needless to say, the breakfast service was now on hold. How could we serve bagels when there was a nekkid lady aboard the flight? Into the oven the bread went, and off and running we went, ignoring any passengers who may have tried to wave us down as we headed straight to the the back of the airplane, a blur of four dressed in blue.

“There she is. The last row,” said one of my coworkers as we neared the last row.

“Oh my god,” I remember thinking, or saying, I can’t remember, it was just too crazy to remember. What I do remember is she was young, cute, and naked. College aged, I’d say.

Now this was pre 9/11, so the flight was empty, and the thought of terrorists were the furthest from our minds. The only thing on our minds, besides this naked lady, was why in the world the lady would get naked on the airplane in the first place? Unfortunately, we would never find out.

Quietly the young woman sat in her seat with the seat belt buckled across her…umm…naked…lap, and smiled. I think I may have smiled back, but in all honesty, I can’t remember. I mean we’re talking naked lady here!

The one not wearing clothes had decided to take it all off right after she exited the lavatory, which was right after the flight attendants in coach had pulled the beverage cart up to the front of the coach cabin. Totally naked, as in one hundred percent nude, she sat down in the last row, which was where she continued to sit, naked and alone, until the flight attendants rolled the cart back to her seat. I’m sure there was quite a loud gasp from the one placing a napkin on the tray table when he realized what it was that hid behind the table.

“Ma’am, you need to put your clothes back on!” demanded one of my coworkers.

We all stood there, hovering over the woman and nodding in agreement. Never in a thousand years would I have ever dreamed I’d be listening to a coworker ordering a passenger to get dressed. To help open an emergency exit, maybe. To put on a pair of panties, never.

Each of us tried to coax the woman back into her clothes, but she wasn’t having it, not when she had other things in mind, like returning to her original seat. Which normally would be fine. However climbing over the seats, three rows of them, naked, was not fine.

Now that wasn’t my only naked passenger experience. Thirteen years ago when I worked for Sunjet, a low cost carrier, an elderly woman decided to take off all of her clothes and then she decided to get off the “bus” by trying to open the emergency exit in flight. This, of course, scared the heck out of the passengers seated nearby, who watched in horror as she pulled on the door, a door that can not be opened, no matter how hard one tries, in flight.

Why all this talk about naked passengers? Iva Skoch’s post, Passenger strips nude, tries to open emergency exit, led me to start writing about my own personal experiences, which in turn led to a little research on flying nude, which has resulted in an awful lot of information about flying in the buff.

Obviously, the passengers mentioned above weren’t exactly…well…they just weren’t well! I mean normal people, at least the normal people I know, don’t take it all off on a flight. But for those of you who are…umm…well…and actually interested in stripping down at 35,000 feet, you can do so one of two ways. Apparently flying “the way god intended” is all the rage in Germany right now. But if you can’t get to Germany, you can hope and pray that Naked Air takes off again, like they did in 2003, and then you, too, can take it all off after take off.

WAIT….before you click the following link to visit the Naked Air Website, please be aware that there are nude photos on the site, very disturbing nude photos of naked people, naked people who should probably not be naked, based on the way they look naked – except for sneakers – on an airplane. Remember, you were warned. Now GO!

For those of you still with me, you may have a couple questions, like I did when I first realized this kind of thing was actually going on. (Someone please tell me why it is going on?) Below are a few questions and answers I pulled from the Naked Air website…

What about the flight crew and attendants…were they naked too? No… they can’t be. The pilots and the flight crew will remain dressed as they always do. We need to remember that the flight crew and attendants have a serious job to do… and that’s to get us to our destination safely.

Hot coffee on a nude flight? …Ouch! For that reason we did not offer hot beverages on the flight, but we did have appropriate snacks and beverage service for the time of day that we traveled.

Hey…everyone was naked…hmm…could they do whatever they want? The Naked-Air nude flight was exactly what it were advertised as… a chance to fly nude and make a little history in the process. The flight was a lot of fun to be sure… but any sexually suggestive behavior or advances to any other passengers would have been inappropriate for this flight, and absolutely forbidden. This rule was well known by all of our passengers in advance of booking would have been strictly enforced, if necessary… but it wasn’t. Nudists are nude… not lewd!

Did everyone have to get naked before they got on the plane? NO, because everybody knows that it’s way too cold in the terminal building. Seriously… the basic rules were that all passengers did the check-in, went to the gate, boarded the plane just like any other flight. It’s only after the plane took off and reached cruising altitude that the rules changed. Once cruising altitude was reached all the passengers were then free to get out of their clothing.

So what about hygiene and things like that? If you have ever been to a nudist or naturist resort or gathering, you would know that the one item that you are to have with you at all times, is a towel to sit on. This flight was no different. We provided special commemorative towels for that purpose, We required those towels (or our clients own towels) to be used at all times.

Still with me?

All I can say is thank god for those commemorative towels.