Galley Gossip: The flight attendant was a mess!

by Heather Poole on

Heather,

I am going to assume that you are a well put together flight attendant when I ask this question…Can you honestly say that you have never been embarrassed to walk through the terminal with any of your flying partners? You know the ones. They don’t starch their shirts–or worse, they wear “the dress” because they think it doesn’t need to be ironed (even on a 4 day). If they wear a jacket, the elbows are shiny from wear. The shoes have never seen a bottle of polish and they have “cart toe” so bad you’re not even sure what the original color was. Hair is halfway down her back and in desperate need of a comb–or perhaps she’s sporting the “cheerleader” ponytail (complete with whispies) that is just oh-so professional. And don’t even get me started on the ones with the skirt up to THERE and the 4 inch jumpseat heels.

Be assured, I am far from the 115 lb petite beauties of yesteryear. Honestly, I am short and pudgy–but my uniform is always clean and pressed (even on reduced rest layovers), my hair and make-up (the minimum amount) are clean and tidy. My shoes are clean and polished. (I usually block between 100 and 120 hours per month doing domestic–so there’s a lot of mileage on me, but I keep it together.) It doesn’t take that much effort to look professional–and I think that is really what this whole discussion comes down to.

It’s not about being attractive (except maybe to Big Daddy)–many of our fellow US based FAs give the appearance of being haggard and tired and…well, unprofessional. I recently worked a trip with an FA who was a damned good FA–exactly the person you want in the jumpseat with you in an emergency. However, she was an unholy mess in the appearance department–wrinkled dress, scuffed shoes, fly-away hair.

I couldn’t figure out why I was so run-down on this trip until I realized–the PAX asked me for EVERYTHING! She would go through w/ the trash cart and a minute later I’d walk the aisle empty handed and everyone would try to hand me their trash. She would be doing a water walk and PAX would wander back to the galley to get water from me. She is an amazingly warm and outgoing person, but to the PAX she was unapproachable and did not convey confidence-just because of her appearance.

Mary

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Dear Mary,

I am not as well put together as I’d like to be, and that’s the honest truth. I’m working on it, though, and it’s because of you, Mary, that I’m working on it. I received your letter a month or so ago and it has haunted me ever since. Whenever I get dressed to go to work I look in the mirror and think of you. I look at my shoes and think of you. I’m not kidding, I’ve been through two pairs of in-flight shoes because of you. My comfortable navy blue Aerosoles, the ones I bought just last month, only lasted five days of flying back and forth from New York to Los Angeles before the dreaded cart toe began to appear. Of course I thought of you. I’m always thinking of you!

CART TOE / HEEL – happens when the leather on the shoe gets worn down from constantly locking and releasing the break on the food or beverage cart during the service and from kicking the cart door shut – Bam! when the service is over.

While I prefer to wear the uniform dress to work, because it’s easier to pack and I don’t have to iron after I hang it up to dry, I do not wear it for four days straight. I haven’t checked the elbows on my navy blue blazer, but I do not believe they’re shiny (gulp.) As far as my hair goes, it is long so I wear it pulled back in a low pony at the nape of my neck. Because it’s naturally curly I tend to get frizzies when I’m flying in and out of the Miami airport. Umm….yikes…do you think maybe we’ve flown together?

As for the short skirt up to THERE and the six inch heels, I hear you Mary, I hear you loud and clear. There’s nothing less attractive than a Cockpit Connie. Will someone please tell these ladies that the Heather Locklear look from Melrose Place went out of style in the early 90’s! Today the sky high heels and long fitted blazer that hits the thigh an inch above the hem of the skirt just looks dated and…well…kind of desperate. Not to mention, I really do not want to see THAT! As Cockpit Connie reaches up to close an open overhead bin. Trust me, I’ve seen it – THAT – several times and every time it gave me nightmares.

You mentioned you fly over 100 hours a month and you still manage to look good. I give you props for that, Mary. I really do. I only fly around 35 hours a month. That means I fly six days straight trying to get as many hours as I can in a week of flying back and forth across the country like a lunatic, and I’m here to tell ya, I don’t feel so great by day four. I’m exhausted. I’ve got dark circles under my eyes. Half of the time I don’t even know whether I’m coming or going. I can’t always remember what passengers want to drink. But I try. I get up an hour before pick up time to do my makeup, curl my hair, and slide into the blue suit. I always drink a ton of coffee and though I may not look as fresh as I did on day one, there’s only so much a flight attendant can do when they’ve been logging in the hours with an eight hour layover in-between trips.

Tell me, Mary, what’s your secret? I need to know!

Now back to messy coworkers. I’ve seen them – the guy who refuses to tuck in his shirt or forgets to wear a belt and the gal whose bun is not only wet, but sits on her head at an angle. But do you truly believe that passengers avoided your coworker, the damn good flight attendant, because she was a mess? Maybe it had more to do with you than her? I know my coworkers who look great can walk down the aisle and no one will ask them for a thing, but the moment I head to the back of the airplane I’m stopped every few rows. My face just says, ask me! Even when I’m not smiling and my hair is frizzy. The same thing happens when I use mass transit or while I’m out walking around a foreign city on vacation. Some people are just more approachable than others. I’m afraid we might be two of those people. And that’s a good thing! I think.

Happy Travels,

Heather Poole

If you have a question email me at Heather DOT Poole AT Weblogsinc DOT com.

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Photos courtesy of (doll) Mimihau0507, (blonde flight attendant) Tom Purvess, (male flight attendant) avgapfel

Galley Gossip: Passenger of the month: Adam Schaffer

by Heather Poole on

Name: Adam Schaffer

Occupation: Media and publishing executive. I am in the magazine business, but had the honor of being on the editorial advisory board of Inside Flyer magazine a few years back

Which is exactly why I picked you as my passenger of the month. Tell me something interesting you learned while working for Inside Flyer: Airline club memberships are huge. Not only is the lounge access terrific, but the agents there can often “get things done” that agents elsewhere in the airport cannot such as upgrades, special sitting, moving flights, etc.

Recently I wrote a post, The passenger didn’t ask for much, about a demanding passenger on board the very same flight you were on. A Gadling reader commented by saying, “I fly all the time and I’ve never seen anything like that ever happen on a flight!” If I hadn’t told you what was happening would you have known what was going on nine rows behind you? I had no idea the incident was as prolonged as it turned out to be. I have a good sense and can tell when “something is up” somewhere on the airplane, but you and the crew handled that situation very well.

Thank you! So how many miles have you flow this year? 20,728 thru march 31st.

Last flight? JFk-LAX

That was my flight, the crazy flight! Check it or carry on? Carry on! I once went to Moscow and St. Petersberg for eight days with a carry on!

It can be done, because I went to Italy for 10 days (Venice, Rome & Positano) with only a rollaboard and a tote bag. Window or aisle seat? Aisle. I do not like to be confined.

Something to drink? Water. I fainted on a flight to Spain on my honeymoon due to dehydration. The next thing I know I am laying in the aisle and the flight attendants are shaking me awake and asking if I’m okay. Apparently I fained and fell against my wife on the way down. My wife tried to wake me and I didn’t move! So she ran to the forward galley yelling, “I haven’t been married 24 hours and I think my husband is dead!”

Wow – I hope you buy a really big bottle of water before each and every flight, especially when you’re traveling on my flight! What type if luggage do you carry? Sturdy and inexpensive. I had a nice Tumi bag I had to check once…and it was ruined. The baggage handling system will eat your luggage!

Sorry to hear that. Any packing tips or tricks? Mix and match. Take as little as possible.

Best shoes to wear through security? Crocs are great, but then your feet get all grimey, so I suggest socks. The TSA does need to find a way to make the whole shoe thing better.

I agree. Any airport routines? I always check to see if the inbound flight is on time and where it is coming from. Sadly airlines will hedge their bets on announcing delays. Then I buy a lot of water.

You sound like a flight attendant – checking the inbound flight for delays! Smart. Best airline experience? Recently I flew on American Airlines from New Delhi, India to Chicago. 15 hours and 40 minutes en route. The new AA business class cabins on the 777 are really nice and the service was amazing. Many meal opportunities and options (and great Indian food) and a terrific choice of on demand entertainment. I was dreading the flight and was actually a bit bummed when it was over.

Nicest airport? Shanghai Pudong, best damn gift shops anywhere.

Favorite airport restaurant? One world lounge in Hong Kong. Get the “Dan Dan Noodles”

That’s all my husband talked about when he came back from Hong Kong, how amazing the lounge was and how great those Dan Dan noodles were. Hotel away from home? Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas

Too funny! I’m pretty lucky on the $1 slots over there. Favorite in-flight announcement? “In preparation for landing..”

Book last read on a flight? We are like that only, understanding the logic of consumer India, by Rama Bijapurkar

Now finish the following sentences…

I can’t fly without my…Ipod and noise canceling headsets

On my last flight…I actually watched a movie and didn’t work. Saw “Yes Man” with Jim Carey

This passenger I sat next to…Got me my current job! (Be friendly to those around you)

I had this one flight…Where the flight attendant actually threw my food at me! (And, for the record, I was just sitting quietly) It was an Atlanta to LA flight, so you can guess the carrier.

If I could be anywhere in the world, I’d…Be in Fiji and nowhere else.

When it comes to traveling I wish…A supersonic plane was in the pipeline somewhere. Would love to do LA to Hong Kong in five hours.

Why do flight attendants…Put up with crap from passengers? I know it’s a customer service thing, but some folks need a good bop on the head!

Next flight: Lax – JFK God willing in business class.

Photos courtesy of (water) Moussefromsacto, (dan dan noodles) Avlxyz, (Fiji) Muzzman

Galley Gossip: A question about why flight attendants are paid twice as much as teachers

by Heather Poole on

Dear Heather,

Any time I go back to the rear of the plane and find flight attendants reading magazines, I am finding people off the job. You people are being paid roughly TWICE per hour what they pay the teachers who teach your children to read…How would you like to go into a classroom and find the teacher reading “Vogue”?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I take it you had a bad flight. Perhaps you wanted something to drink or eat and got ignored by a flight attendant reading Vogue? If so, I’m sorry for that and I do hope it never happens to you again. As with every job there are always a few bad apples in the bunch, but you don’t really mean to stereotype all crew members based on one lazy Vogue reading flight attendant, do you? I hope not.

For the record, I seriously doubt that flight attendants get paid twice as much as teachers. While I do not know how much the average teacher makes, the average flight attendant is not making as much as it may seem. Oh sure on paper it looks like we have a cush job when we’re not shocking people back to life or landing in the Hudson River. And of course there are those of us who do have it nice, like flight attendants who are employed by a major carrier who have enough seniority to fly the best trips, working to amazing destinations like Japan, Rio, and Paris. But in reality the majority of us don’t have it that good. A lot of us don’t even get a layover anymore, and if we do, they’re so short we call them lean-overs, not layovers. Seriously, most of us do struggle to make ends meet and therefore have to pick up extra trips or work a second job on our days off just to get by.

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Don’t forget that flight attendants are only paid for flight time – not ground time. That means we are not making a dime until all passengers are seated, overhead bins have been closed, the aircraft door is shut and the airplane has backed away from the gate. Just last week I worked a trip from New York to Dallas and back to New York again, all in the same day, that, because of a mechanical in New York and a weather delay out of Dallas, I only got paid 6 hours and 15 minutes (flight time) for a 14 hour and 33 minute duty day. Do teachers go to work and only get paid half the time? I don’t think so. And when they are at work, are they constantly getting yelled at for situations that are beyond their control? And are they stuck in a flying tube at 35,000 feet for hours on end without a means to escape whatever could go wrong if something did go wrong? You tell me.

Now that I’ve been flying for 14 years, I make $30-something an hour, which is pretty darn good – except that due to FAA regulations I can only work so many hours in a day and so many days in a row. Not to mention when you add in the delays on the ground, the sit time between connecting flights, and the layover time at the airport hotels (per diem is less than $2), our hourly rate drastically drops. As for all those amazing layovers, they no longer exist. Mine average ten hours a night and all I usually have time to do is two of the following – eat, sleep, or shower. Keep in mind that this is unpaid time away from home, time that teachers are able to spend in the comforts of their own home with family or friends, actually getting important things done like a load of laundry, running to the grocery store, kissing their kids goodnight, those kinds of things.

Now I’m not saying that my job is more important, not at all, I’m just saying that it’s different and should not be compared to a job on the ground. Anyway, this is about flight flight attendant pay, not who has the worst job. I love my job and I’m sure teachers do, too.

And before I forget, Anonymous Writer, I do not read Vogue. Not that there’s anything wrong with Vogue, it’s just way too heavy to drag from city to city and gate to gate in my tote-bag to my layover hotel where I’d only have a few minutes to look at it before going to bed. However, what you may find me reading on the airplane is Vanity Fair. That’s because it’s the perfect magazine for a long haul flight due to the fact that it takes an entire six hours to get through, which is why I only read it when I’m commuting to work, not while I am at work – working. While I have been known to flip through a passenger’s discarded newspaper or celebrity gossip magazine while standing in the galley, I am quick to put it down if someone needs something from me.

Just because you’ve spotted a flight attendant glancing at reading material in flight does not mean you’ve found an employee “off the job.” Believe it or not, once the service is over there actually comes a time in flight where there may not be anymore more trash to pick up and passengers are settled into their seats and do not need anything else to eat or drink and have actually had all their connecting gate information sorted out. If there is a passenger who needs something that has not been provided, like a pillow or blanket (not that we always have them on board) the passenger will either stop us while we’re walking down the aisle and ask, come to the back of the aircraft and ask, or ring their call light which signals the flight attendants to put down their magazine or newspaper or lunch or liquor money they were adding up, and answer the call. Nine times out of ten that call is answered immediately.

Happy travels,

Heather Poole

If you have a question email me at Skydoll123@yahoo.com

Photos courtesy of (stewardess barbie) Heather Poole, (Vanity Fair) JacquieK

Galley Gossip: The passenger didn’t ask for much

by Heather Poole on

It happened right after the woman wearing black yelled at me because she had to wait in line to use the lavatory in coach, and that happened shortly after I noticed she, the woman wearing nothing but black, was eyeing the bathroom in business class, which is officially designated as the business class bathroom, which explains why there were three business class passengers stretching in line as they patiently waited their turn.

I pointed to the rear of the aircraft. “There are two other bathrooms in the back and I only see one person waiting in line.”

The woman in black looked at me as if I had two heads and snapped, “I fly international all the time and we always travel in business class.” I smiled and did not point out the obvious, that today she sat in coach. She glared at me and added, “I’ve never been so uncomfortable in my life!” Then she went on to use the phrase cattle car three or four times in three or four different sentences, giving me a piece of her mind. All this because she didn’t want to wait in line to use the bathroom like everyone else. Thankfully we only had thirty minutes left in flight.

“Is there anything I can do to make this flight better for you?” I asked. It’s true, I really did ask that. Of course she had no suggestions – none, zero, zilch. But she did call me honey and used the word cattle car one more time before stomping off to the back.

This is when it happened. This is when I took a deep breath, turned, and the young woman who had complained about feeling sick before we even took off out of Los Angeles, the one I had tried to talk into not flying because she felt sick, the same one who may or may not have thrown up in the bathroom (depending on who you asked), which in turn may or may not have been the reason why the sink was now overflowing with what may or may not have been water, brown water, and why the bathroom had been locked off, looked at me angrily and said, “I haven’t asked for much on this flight!”

Oh really?

This passenger had asked for more than any other passenger in my fourteen years of flying! But I did not tell her that. Instead I kept my mouth shut and got down on one knee, like I had several times before on the flight, looked her in the red eyes, and listened as she not so very nicely added, “And I’ve been pretty nice on this flight, considering the circumstances…”

The circumstances? I just nodded and waited for what I knew would be an insane request, because all she had done the entire flight was make odd requests. Oh she did not disappoint when she demanded to be the first one off the airplane when we landed.

That was not going to happen. She sat in coach. There were at least 40 passengers ahead of her in first class and business class combined.

“The only way you’re going to get off this airplane before anyone else does is if we call the paramedics to meet the flight,” I told her very sternly. “Do you want me to tell the Captain you’re sick so he can radio the ground?” It was not the first time I had asked, nor was it the first time she had declined.

How it all went down…

During boarding – There I stood between business class and coach greeting passengers and hanging coats when she who looked to be in her early twenties pulled me aside and told me she felt ill, that she’d been sick all day, that she had a fever, and then she looked me earnestly in the eye and asked, “Is there a first class seat available?”

Immediately the bells began to ring in my head – alert, alert – scammer, drama queen! I told her no, because there were no seats available. And even if there had been an open seat she still would not have sat there, considering she paid for coach, not first. Then I suggested she deplane, talk to the agent, and take another flight when she felt better. I didn’t want our passengers to get sick and I definitely didn’t want to bring whatever she may or may not have had back home to my two year-old son. Of course she waved me away and told me she’d be fine.

During the beverage service – Because her seat was beside the business class galley and because I happened to be working in business class that day, she rang her call light and looked directly at me. I held a linen lined tray in one hand, four drinks balancing on top – diet coke, water, ginger ale, and Chardonnay, when she said, “I don’t feel very good. Can I have a cup of tea. But not in a Styrofoam cup. Can I get it in a mug, a real mug.”

I forced a smile and nodded.

“Oh do you have herbal tea?”

During the meal service – As my partner and I picked up thirty meal trays and shoved them into a dirty cart, I heard her say it once again, that she was ill, which was quickly followed by, “Can I get something to eat?”

“Of course.” I told her the buy-on-board food options in coach, but she just shook her head and said, “I can’t eat that. I have a special diet. Do you have any cooked vegetables?”

“Cooked vegetables,” I repeated, wondering why she didn’t bring her own cooked vegetables on board with her since she had such a special diet. Please note that I normally never – ever – offer business class food to coach passengers, but she did look a little pale and I did not want to divert. “All we have left in business class are rolls and cheese and crackers.”

Turns out she couldn’t eat rolls. She couldn’t eat cheese. She couldn’t eat crackers. She couldn’t eat salad. She couldn’t eat nuts. She couldn’t even eat chocolate – chocolate! Nor could she eat the delicious homemade combination fried rice the passenger sitting directly in front her had kindly offered. (So I did. It was amazing. Thank you Mr. Exit Row Passenger!) The only thing she could eat were cooked veggies, so I went up to first class to see what was left over after the service and not only did I find uncooked peas from the salad cart, the lead flight attendant actually allowed me to take the first class peas to a coach passenger.

I handed the young woman a silver spoon and a silver bowl of peas. No thank you. No nothing. She took two bites, made a face, and handed it back to me.

During the dessert service – We were just about to pull the carts to the front of business class and start the dessert service when she rang the call light. I didn’t have to walk far to turn the light off. The unfortunate passenger sitting beside her rolled his eyes as she said, “I’m violently ill and I need your help to get to the bathroom.”

“Okay.” The bathroom was four steps away from her seat. “Give me a second.”

In the galley I told my colleagues the dessert service was now on hold so I could assist a sick passenger to the lavatory. But when I went to help her stand, grabbing her elbow to help her up, she got to her feet and walked to the bathroom like there was nothing wrong. I handed her a barf bag, shut the door, told her I’d return to check on her later, and then went back to my dessert cart.

After the service – “I’m not going to make it,” I barely heard her mumble as I passed her seat on my way to the galley in coach.

Quickly I spun around. “What do you mean you’re not going to make it? Do I need to page for a doctor?”

“No no no, I just need…potatoes. Do you have any potatoes?” she asked, and when she asked this it sounded as if it took all her energy just to get the words out.

I took a deep breath and sighed. “We do not have potatoes on board our flight today. Just potato chips. Which you said you can’t eat. Are you sure you don’t want club soda or a roll because that will make you feel better.”

“Yes, I’m sure. Are you sure there aren’t any potatoes?”

It was during the potato request that the lady wearing black appeared. Remember her? The one who didn’t want to wait in line to use the lavatory? So when the one in black tartly called me honey and then stormed off to the back right before the sick one in need of potatoes said that she hadn’t asked for much, it took all my might not to remind her all that she had, in fact, asked for – a first class seat, a business class mug, cooked vegetables, help to the bathroom, potatoes, and to deplane first. That’s it. Nothing more.

Photos courtesy of (occupied) travelin librarian, (coach) carrib, (barf bag) ben howes – flicker.com

Galley Gossip: Celebrities on the plane game

by Heather Poole on

I see celebrities all the time on the airplane. In fact, on my last flight one of the Real Housewives of New York City (the one who is not exactly a housewife) slept all the way from New York to Los Angeles. The first thing I noticed was the cutest eye mask I’ve ever seen. It practically covered her entire face. When she woke up and came to the back galley for a glass of water, I couldn’t help but notice that even though she looks good on television, she’s even prettier in real life. Not normally the case when it comes to celebrities.

On the same flight an actress from The Shield, one of my husband’s favorite television shows, decided the best time to put on her gold, tall, high heel boots was not on descent into Los Angeles, not as we were taxiing to the gate, and not as all 200 passengers unbuckled their seat belts, stood up, grabbed their bags out of the overhead bin, and slowly but surely exited the aircraft. Oh no, she didn’t stick her feet inside those boots and zip them up until every single passenger on board the airplane had departed. Because flight attendants can’t leave until all passengers have deplaned, eight of us just stood there holding onto our own bags quietly waiting for those high heel boots to walk.

I’ve already written about Lindsay Lohan throwing a fit over a denied first class seat, Bret Michael’s wonderful manners aboard my mother’s flight, Ivana Trump calling two adorable kids barbarians, so you better believe I’ve got stories! Here’s your chance to figure out which celebrity goes with the story…

THE CELEBRITIES: Lauren Bacall, Bobby Brown, Michael Bolton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Sean Combs, Ethan Hawke, Goldie Hawn, Anthony Kiedis, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Angelina Jolie, Kimora Lee, Alanis Morrisette, Rosie O’Donnell, Dolly Parton, Diana Ross, Britney Spears, Uma Thurman, Luther Vandross, Barbara Walters, Elijah Woods, Raquel Welch

THE STORIES:

  1. Wouldn’t breath the air at 35,000 feet without a face mask, but had no problem eating two airplane meals
  2. Did sit ups on the floor in first class
  3. Fell asleep with a hand down the pants
  4. Ran to the bathroom as the airplane was taxiing to the gate
  5. Refused to wear a seat belt until threatened to be taken off the flight
  6. Asked the pilot not to make any announcements in flight because, “the baby is sleeping.”
  7. Actually worked the cart down the aisle and then invited the crew over to spend the night on the layover
  8. Bit toenails in business class
  9. Cut an omelet into bite size pieces with a knife and fork and then proceeded to use hands to eat it – not the knife and fork.
  10. Ordered the flight attendant not to talk to “her man!” when the flight attendant asked, “Would you like something to drink?”
  11. Flirted with the captain’s six foot tall, very mature looking, 16 year-old daughter who was non-reving in first class
  12. Traveled with the largest entourage I’ve ever seen
  13. Exited the lavatory with spouse looking extremely disheveled
  14. Told a flight attendant, “My dog likes you. I don’t know why.”
  15. Gave a gate agent $50 after borrowing the agent’s cell phone for ten seconds
  16. Left such a mess in first class, passengers and crew were shocked
  17. Due to a fear of flying, would only sit in the first row of first class.
  18. Lectured a flight attendant on the importance of being nice to his mother on mother’s day
  19. Sat in first class while son sat in coach.
  20. Got caught checking out the flight attendants you-know-what as she walked down the aisle
  21. Spent a good half hour watching an in-flight entertainment segment about themselves
  22. Sat in coach even though their movie was #1 at the box office
  23. Wouldn’t allow a passenger in the window seat to pass in order to use the lavatory until that passenger quietly meditated with them first.

Photos courtesy of (Britney Spears) eupaparazzi, (Leonardo DiCaprio) Chaubaby