Galley Gossip: Slam clickers, Bob the singing pilot & Laughlin, Nevada

by Heather Poole on

So what do slam clickers, Laughlin, Nevada, and Bob the singing pilot all have in common? Not much. But I’m determined to link them all together in order to show you a photo gallery from my husband’s recent trip to Laughlin, Nevada and a funny video of Bob, the singing pilot, at a nightclub in Paris on a layover (at the end of this post). I can do this. Really I can.

A few months ago when my husband told me he wanted to ride his Harley to Laughlin for some biker thing called River Run, I said, “Okay.”

“I’ll be gone for four nights,” he clarified, looking me intently in the eye.

“That’s fine. I don’t care,” I said, because I didn’t care. I mean what’s not to love about having the entire house to myself for four days straight? “Just stay out of trouble,” I added, because it seemed like an important thing to add.

“Are you sure?” he asked, still studying my face for signs of what, I don’t know.

“Yes! Go! And have fun!” I demanded, and I meant it, too. I did! If he wanted to take a few days to get away, I had no problem with that. I think everybody should be able to take a few days and get away. It does a marriage good. But then I reminded him, “Just stay out of trouble!” Not that he would get into any trouble, he’s not a troublemaker, but lord knows I didn’t want to have to load my son into the mommy mobile and drive down there to save him.

All of this talk about getting away reminds me of a quick four-day Carnival Cruise trip I took to Mexico out of Florida with an old boyfriend many years ago. I’ll never forget sitting at the dinner table surrounded by three other couples we had just met. We were all the same age – in our late twenties. When I happened to mention that I was a flight attendant, one of the wives said, “I always wanted to be a flight attendant. It sounds like a lot of fun.”

Before I could tell her that it was, indeed, a lot of fun, she added, looking longingly at the man sitting beside her, “But I really can’t imagine being away from my husband for more than a night. How do you do it?”

I just smiled. There was nothing else to say.

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Flight attendants are an eccentric bunch. There’s no doubt about it, we’ve got all kinds working for the airlines. But if there’s one thing we all have in common, it’s the ability to be alone – for more than a night. And the ability to enjoy being alone. As well as allowing the ones we know and love a little space and time to themselves. So when my husband jumped on his bike and roared away, I didn’t resent him for doing so. Just the opposite. I was glad he could get away. He deserves to have a little fun now and then. Without me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with my family and my family loves spending time with me, but we also love our time alone. When I’m working, I cherish those ten hour layovers. That’s me-time. It’s the only time I ever get six hours of uninterrupted sleep without hearing the pitter patter of little feet at wee hours of the night. It’s also the only time I don’t have to watch another episode of Law and Order. That’s right, it’s HGTV for me, baby! All. Night. Long. And there’s nothing like being able to read a good book in bed without someone ordering me to turn off the light! Which is why when I get to my hotel room, I don’t ever leave. I’m what they call a slam clicker.

Urban Dictionary defines it best…

SLAM CLICK – 1. To go into a room and lock the door. 2. The noise the door makes as one shuts the door and locks themselves in. A term specifically used by (but not limited to) flight crews after finishing a trip and checking into the hotel for a layover. It indicates those members of the crew that go directly to their rooms and don’t go out later with the rest of the crew. I was so exhausted that day, I slam-clicked. I’m a slam-clicker. In fact, I’m slam-clicking it tonight

I’m not the only one who slam clicks. First Officer Kent Wien of Cockpit Chronicles wrote about his Slam Click Layover.

“Slam clickers are just introverts who simply need to recharge,” The Savvy Navigator said when I confessed my dirty little secret. I say dirty because no one likes a slam clicker. Including me. Which explains why I joined crew members against slam clickers a few months ago after First Officer Bob, the singing pilot, sent me the link via Facebook. I was just too embarrassed not to join, even though I had no business joining, not when I have a two year-old at home.

Now here’s a video of Bob (not slam clicking) on a layover in Paris singing a song he wrote, Pilot Rest Seat Lap Dance. Enjoy

Mad Doggy Dog – Pilot Rest Seat Lap Dance

Photo (Laughlin) courtesy of Cobalt123

Galley Gossip: Swine flu on the airplane (a few things you can do)

by Heather Poole on

Today I’m flying from Los Angeles to New York to start my reserve rotation for May. I’m bringing my son along with me. He’s two. Because my husband travels on business often and I’ll be on-call, my son will be spending eight days with grandma and grandpa. Oh sure I’ll take the train out to see him in-between trips. That’s not the problem. The problem is with all this talk about swine flu, I can’t help but be a little nervous, not for me, but for him!

We’ll be traveling by plane and in New York where 75 people in Queens were recently diagnosed with the disease. Did I happen to mention my crashpad is in Queens? I’ll have zero control over where I’m going and how long I’ll be there. When I voiced my concerns, here’s what a few of my friends had to say…

  • “Heather, I think there’s a Mexico City layover with your name all over it! Hee, hee!”
  • “Don’t think you have to go to Mexico, Mexico will come to you. Start a new trend, nothing is hotter than a flight attendant with a Michael Jackson mask on! If you rock the body condom from the movie Naked Gun, I want to be there!”
  • “Every time I wake up in the MEX layover hotel I breathe a sigh of relief that I wasn’t crushed in an earthquake overnight. Now if I can just not breathe while down there . . .
  • “The only other thing you need besides a diagnosis is a company that’s not completely irrational and predatory about sick leave use. The company has denied me sick time, garnished pay for the days missed, and said to the union, “grieve it,” which is a years-long process.”
So what am I, the flight attendant, required to do if I see a passenger who may be exhibiting swine flu like symptoms?

  1. Isolate the person as much as possible.
  2. Contact the airline physician on-call. What I would actually do is call the cockpit who would then contact the ground who would then pass along important information.
  3. The airline I work for is providing extra gloves and thermometers for flight crews to use, as well as masks for passengers who may be infected.

Please note: As of April 26 there have only been mild cases of swine flu reported in the United States and most people have made a full recovery.

As of today, Argentina and Japan are the only two countries I’m aware of that are taking action. If you are flying into Argentina, all passengers and crew will be required to fill out a form that ground personnel will be distributing in order to enter the country. If you are traveling into Japan, all passengers and crew will be quarantined. That means passengers and crew will be required to remain on board the aircraft until Japanese health officials come on board and clear the flight.

Remember that post I wrote not too long ago about the sick passenger who didn’t ask for much (just my next unborn child), well if I had her on board a flight today I’d definitely wonder if she had the flu – as well as whether or not she was crazy. Honestly, I have no problem helping sick passengers, but at the same time I really don’t want to get sick and bring whatever it is they may have (or may not have) home to my son. Remember, he’s two! So what am I going to do (that you can do, too) in order to make sure this doesn’t happen?
  1. Wash hands often with soap and water (I’ll be packing travel size antibacterial hand lotion)
  2. Cover mouth when coughing or sneezing (use the inside of your elbow, not your hand)
  3. Report anyone who may appear sick. Passengers can report to a flight attendant who will then pass along the information to the correct authorities.

Peter Greenberg, the travel detective, doesn’t seem to be all that concerned. Yesterday he wrote on Twitter.com..

Remember SARS? I traveled at that time to Hong Kong — when hotel occupancies were around 3%. Had one of the best travel experiences ever. And how about the avian flu? About the only people infected (and there were incredibly few) were those who actually worked on chicken farms.”

I have to admit that Peter actually made me feel a little better about flying. Even so, I did what every flight attendant has probably already done, I went online and plugged the words SWINE FLU and FLIGHT ATTENDANT into the search engine. Just to see if anyone had it. So far so good. No one has it. Thank god! Here’s some other interesting information I found online concerning flight attendants, passengers, and the swine flu…

USA TODAY wrote… the USA’s largest flight attendant union, says it is directing members to keep an eye out for flu-like symptoms, especially on trips to Mexico. “We’re also pushing airlines to supply gloves and masks.” If a flight attendant observes a passenger with flu-like symptoms, the procedure is to isolate that person as much as possible, Caldwell says. So far, the travel industry is trying to accommodate travelers’ fears. Nearly every U.S. airline with routes to Mexico is waiving cancellation fees or rebooking flights.

Barcelonareporter.com wrote..The union STAVLA, a union that fights for the rights of flight attendants has condemned the airline for not allowing attendants to wear gloves to protect themselves against possible Swine flu infection. A source within the union said it had reiterated a request first made in 2003 for flight attendants to wear gloves when handling biological waste that is generated aboard, this request was put to the Health and Safety Committee and denied.

STAVLA, which has announced that it may take legal action against Iberia, has stated that each flight attendant assigned to the overseas fleet is in contact with about 33,000 passengers a year and has stressed that flights go “several times a day to Mexico.” The union said that after a circular sent to employees yesterday Iberia said ” it only allows the use of gloves by the flight attendant serving a passenger who, in his opinion, is affected by the infection.”

The union representatives of flight attendants recalled that the Regional Institute of Occupational Safety and Health at Work (IRSST) in Madrid has admitted that biowaste requires protective gloves, but “Iberia the practice remains prohibited for reasons of image” .

THE DAILYRECORD.COM wrote…

Q: What can flight attendants and gate agents do?

A: At the airport, gate agents can notify CDC officials at the airport to check waiting passengers who exhibit flulike symptoms. On board, flight attendants are authorized to isolate a sick traveler from the rest of the passengers if possible. Flight attendants also are authorized to dispense face masks to passengers who exhibit flu symptoms.

Have you booked a trip to Mexico and can’t decide what what to do – whether you should stay or go? And if you do decide to stay home, how do you get a refund? Click here for answers

Photos courtesy of (passenger) Wendy Tanner, (flight attendant) Aaron Escobar, (hands) Cafemama – Flickr.com

Galley Gossip: Laviators unite! (mile high headshots)

by Heather Poole on

Recently I wrote a post, the hottest trend on the airplane since the mile high club, about something disturbing, yet quite intriguing, that was taking place not just on the airplane, but behind the locked lavatory door at 35,000 feet. Passengers, and I’m talking all kinds of passengers, have been photographing themselves in the bathroom. Alone. Doing what, I don’t know. But they look like they’re just standing there. And I wanted to do it, too.

I had written, “Oh you better believe I’ll be taking my own self portrait in the lav on my next flight to New York on Wednesday. Until then, check out these interesting shots.” And then I added a photo gallery I’d put together of passengers I’d found on Flickr.com standing in the lav, camera in hand.

One Gadling reader responded, “Heather, if you do photograph yourself in the lav, please spare us the picture! I think people will lose any respect they have for you.”

Sounds to me like someone needs to lighten up, and they can start by grabbing their camera and joining the club – the laviators club. I did! Yep, that’s me up there in the photo looking not so hot on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. Hey, it was late and I was tired. But I just had to do it. Even though my seat mate did look at me a little funny after he caught me trying to sneak my camera into the front pocket of my pants.

The first thing I did when I got home was download the photo, that photo right up there, onto my personal blog. I had a good laugh and I honestly thought that would be that, end of story. But a few days later I got an email with a photo attached from a Gadling reader. “This one’s for you,” Nate wrote, and that’s all he wrote, and it cracked me up!

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The very next day I got another one! Jeff wrote, “I made you a picture.” I clicked the link and thought to myself, Oh. My. God. What have I started?

Next to join the club was one of my favorite flight attendants, Sodwee, also known as Airboy. He works for Emirates. He wrote, “Heather, I was thinking of you from CDG to DBX.”

Airboy wasn’t the only one thinking about me in the lav. Leesa wrote, “My daughter and I flew to LA last week and thought you might want some lav pictures for your collection.”

Well Leesa and her daughter were right! Not only do I have an interesting collection of mile high headshots from readers like you, I want more, more, MORE! So next time you’re on a flight don’t forget to take your camera and make sure to think of me – in the lav. Please, I beg you, join the club – the laviators club. And I’ll add your photo to the gallery above. Hmm…I wonder if Karen Walrond, our own resident photogapher, can give us a few tips?

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Galley Gossip: Passenger gets caught with pants down

by Heather Poole on

Dear Heather,

Is it standard procedure for a flight attendant to force open a toilet occupied by a passenger if the plane is about to land? Under what circumstances has the flight attendant a right to do this?

Thanks,

Caught with My Pants Down

Dear Caught with My Pants Down,

I’m so sorry to hear you were caught with your pants down. I’m also sorry that a flight attendant had to see you that way. I’m sure it was embarrassing for both of you. On my flight from New York to Dallas last week I caught two passengers in the same position, but that’s just because they forgot to lock the door, not because I forced the thing open. So please, people, I beg you, do not forget to switch that little sign from vacant to occupied. That way we won’t have to avoid eye contact for the rest of the flight.

As for forcing a locked door open, it does not happen often. In fact I’ve only had to do it twice in my career and I’ve been flying for fourteen years. Once, not too long ago, I did it when I heard a young child yelling, “help, help, help!” because she couldn’t figure out how to unlock the lavatory door and another time when, seconds before departure, the passenger who had locked himself inside ignored our pleas to return to his seat.

“Sir, you need to come out! We can not depart until you take your seat!” my coworker cried, banging her fists on the accordion door. No answer. Just silence. Complete silence.

I gave it a try – knock, knock, knock! “Sir, are you okay in there?” Still no response.

“We’re coming in,” my coworker yelled, and two seconds later the door was pushed open. Startled, the man with the needle stuck in his arm jumped, causing it to pop out and blood to spurt all over the floor. The airplane was immediately taken out of service.

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Because your question is lacking in details, I can not answer as thoroughly as I’d like to. What I want to know is just how close to landing were you? Was it an International flight? Which airport were you flying into? Just how long did you stay in the bathroom? Were you unable to use it prior to landing? Or had you used it so often throughout the flight you may have raised a few eyebrows? Did you take anything into the bathroom with you, say a paper bag or something that might look suspicious? Were you sick? Did you answer the flight attendant when he or she knocked on the door and asked you to return to your seat? During the flight had you been rude or caused a problem in flight? Had the flight attendants already done their final compliance check and were ready to strap themselves into their jump seats while you were in the toilet? Your answers do make a difference.

While yes, you should have been in your seat, as per FAA regulations, regardless of what was going on during your flight, the flight attendants may not have pried the door open so quickly. They may have given you a few more seconds to pull your pants back up.

You did mention that the airplane was about to land, which leads me to believe the seat belt sign was on. Flight attendants are required to advise passengers to keep their seat belts fastened at all times, even when the seat belt sign is not on, and customers must comply with seat belt regulations at all times. Recently Scott Carmichael wrote about a passenger who was paralyzed from the neck down when she used the toilet on a Continental flight and the airplane hit turbulence. It happens. And it can happen even when the seat belt sign is not on. On the Continental flight the sudden drop threw the woman against the ceiling, fracturing her neck. For the record, the seat belt sign had been illuminated.

On descent flight attendants must be strapped into their jumpseats. With you locked in the bathroom you are not only a danger to them (if you were to fall on top of them), but to the passengers you must pass in order to get back to your seat, and the passenger who now must unbuckle their seat belt and stand up to let you back into your row. If something were to happen to you, or anyone seated around you, the flight attendants would not be able to help. The flight attendants job, at this stage in flight, is to man the emergency doors. Not take care of you.

No one wants to be caught with their pants down, I know that, and I am sorry that it had to happen to you. But flight attendants have a job to do and when the seat belt sign is on you should be in your seat with your belt fastened about you. Not in the lav. Especially on descent or when there’s turbulence!

To read more about turbulence in flight and why it’s important to keep your seat belt fastened at all times, check out my Galley Gossip post A question about turbulence and being scared at work.

Hope your next flight is a better one.

Heather Poole

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If you have a question email me at Skydoll123@yahoo.com

Photo courtesy of (lavatory) Daquella Manera, (Continental Airlines) Phinalanji

Galley Gossip: The flight attendant was a mess!

by Heather Poole on

Heather,

I am going to assume that you are a well put together flight attendant when I ask this question…Can you honestly say that you have never been embarrassed to walk through the terminal with any of your flying partners? You know the ones. They don’t starch their shirts–or worse, they wear “the dress” because they think it doesn’t need to be ironed (even on a 4 day). If they wear a jacket, the elbows are shiny from wear. The shoes have never seen a bottle of polish and they have “cart toe” so bad you’re not even sure what the original color was. Hair is halfway down her back and in desperate need of a comb–or perhaps she’s sporting the “cheerleader” ponytail (complete with whispies) that is just oh-so professional. And don’t even get me started on the ones with the skirt up to THERE and the 4 inch jumpseat heels.

Be assured, I am far from the 115 lb petite beauties of yesteryear. Honestly, I am short and pudgy–but my uniform is always clean and pressed (even on reduced rest layovers), my hair and make-up (the minimum amount) are clean and tidy. My shoes are clean and polished. (I usually block between 100 and 120 hours per month doing domestic–so there’s a lot of mileage on me, but I keep it together.) It doesn’t take that much effort to look professional–and I think that is really what this whole discussion comes down to.

It’s not about being attractive (except maybe to Big Daddy)–many of our fellow US based FAs give the appearance of being haggard and tired and…well, unprofessional. I recently worked a trip with an FA who was a damned good FA–exactly the person you want in the jumpseat with you in an emergency. However, she was an unholy mess in the appearance department–wrinkled dress, scuffed shoes, fly-away hair.

I couldn’t figure out why I was so run-down on this trip until I realized–the PAX asked me for EVERYTHING! She would go through w/ the trash cart and a minute later I’d walk the aisle empty handed and everyone would try to hand me their trash. She would be doing a water walk and PAX would wander back to the galley to get water from me. She is an amazingly warm and outgoing person, but to the PAX she was unapproachable and did not convey confidence-just because of her appearance.

Mary

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Dear Mary,

I am not as well put together as I’d like to be, and that’s the honest truth. I’m working on it, though, and it’s because of you, Mary, that I’m working on it. I received your letter a month or so ago and it has haunted me ever since. Whenever I get dressed to go to work I look in the mirror and think of you. I look at my shoes and think of you. I’m not kidding, I’ve been through two pairs of in-flight shoes because of you. My comfortable navy blue Aerosoles, the ones I bought just last month, only lasted five days of flying back and forth from New York to Los Angeles before the dreaded cart toe began to appear. Of course I thought of you. I’m always thinking of you!

CART TOE / HEEL – happens when the leather on the shoe gets worn down from constantly locking and releasing the break on the food or beverage cart during the service and from kicking the cart door shut – Bam! when the service is over.

While I prefer to wear the uniform dress to work, because it’s easier to pack and I don’t have to iron after I hang it up to dry, I do not wear it for four days straight. I haven’t checked the elbows on my navy blue blazer, but I do not believe they’re shiny (gulp.) As far as my hair goes, it is long so I wear it pulled back in a low pony at the nape of my neck. Because it’s naturally curly I tend to get frizzies when I’m flying in and out of the Miami airport. Umm….yikes…do you think maybe we’ve flown together?

As for the short skirt up to THERE and the six inch heels, I hear you Mary, I hear you loud and clear. There’s nothing less attractive than a Cockpit Connie. Will someone please tell these ladies that the Heather Locklear look from Melrose Place went out of style in the early 90’s! Today the sky high heels and long fitted blazer that hits the thigh an inch above the hem of the skirt just looks dated and…well…kind of desperate. Not to mention, I really do not want to see THAT! As Cockpit Connie reaches up to close an open overhead bin. Trust me, I’ve seen it – THAT – several times and every time it gave me nightmares.

You mentioned you fly over 100 hours a month and you still manage to look good. I give you props for that, Mary. I really do. I only fly around 35 hours a month. That means I fly six days straight trying to get as many hours as I can in a week of flying back and forth across the country like a lunatic, and I’m here to tell ya, I don’t feel so great by day four. I’m exhausted. I’ve got dark circles under my eyes. Half of the time I don’t even know whether I’m coming or going. I can’t always remember what passengers want to drink. But I try. I get up an hour before pick up time to do my makeup, curl my hair, and slide into the blue suit. I always drink a ton of coffee and though I may not look as fresh as I did on day one, there’s only so much a flight attendant can do when they’ve been logging in the hours with an eight hour layover in-between trips.

Tell me, Mary, what’s your secret? I need to know!

Now back to messy coworkers. I’ve seen them – the guy who refuses to tuck in his shirt or forgets to wear a belt and the gal whose bun is not only wet, but sits on her head at an angle. But do you truly believe that passengers avoided your coworker, the damn good flight attendant, because she was a mess? Maybe it had more to do with you than her? I know my coworkers who look great can walk down the aisle and no one will ask them for a thing, but the moment I head to the back of the airplane I’m stopped every few rows. My face just says, ask me! Even when I’m not smiling and my hair is frizzy. The same thing happens when I use mass transit or while I’m out walking around a foreign city on vacation. Some people are just more approachable than others. I’m afraid we might be two of those people. And that’s a good thing! I think.

Happy Travels,

Heather Poole

If you have a question email me at Heather DOT Poole AT Weblogsinc DOT com.

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Photos courtesy of (doll) Mimihau0507, (blonde flight attendant) Tom Purvess, (male flight attendant) avgapfel