SkyMall Monday: Let’s Talk Apparel

by Mike Barish on

As the writer of SkyMall Monday, I consider myself a public servant. If I can improve just one person’s life with every post, I consider myself successful. Today, though, I’m aiming higher. I want to make the whole world a better place by making us all better looking. This week, SkyMall Monday takes a very special look at the apparel selections available in our favorite catalog.

Sock Monkey Hat and Mittens – For when you want to tell the whole world that you’ve accepted that you will die alone surrounded by empty Ben & Jerry’s containers but you’re allergic to cats.

Pluto Was a Planet – Do you like astronomy jokes that haven’t been topical in almost three years? Then you should totally wear this to your online chat party.
Vegasize Shirt – For that very special douchebag in your life.

What Part of Y’All Shirts – What part of y’all don’t I understand? Just the part that comes before the apostrophe. And the stuff after the apostrophe. And the apostrophe. But I do understand that you’re a yokel with $17.95 less in your wallet. And by wallet, I mean the floor of your pickup truck.

American Heritage Hoodie – Have you ever wanted to wear the clothing equivalent of a Toby Keith song? Do you see the American flag and think, “Wow, that sure would make me less pear shaped?” Do you wish that a bald eagle and George W. Bush would have sex on your face? Then just get this and be done with it.

Careful Novel Shirts – Look, if you can string together even three coherent sentences, I won’t even need you to write a whole novel. I’ll gladly take my place in your cocktail napkin doodle and be damn proud of it.

Abbott & Costello Apparel – Do you like vaudeville jokes that haven’t been topical in almost 70 years? Then you should totally wear this to your volunteer job calling bingo balls at the retirement home.

Fish Whisperer Shirt – So you’re the fish whisperer, eh? You ain’t got nothing on me, homeboy.

Dog/Cat Likes Me Best Shirts – The cat likes you best? Who were the other candidates? Your unicorn figurines? Your needlepoint pillow collection? Your real doll with three working orifices? Because I find that hard to believe.

There you have it. Just imagine how smashing you’re going to look at your next cocktail party, book club meeting or plush toy tea party. No need to thank me. The looks on your friends’ and coworkers’ faces is all the thanks I need. But if you really do want to thank me, I would love to wear this to my pottery class.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Flair Hair Visor

by Mike Barish on

Are you embarrassed by your child’s age-appropriate baldness? Has his or her wispy, toddler hair become a point of contention in your house? Do you purposely leave your child home alone rather than risk people publicly mocking him for his inability to have a full, luxurious head of hair before he can even walk? Well, finally, there is a product that will not only give your child that ultra-cool hairstyle that he deserves, but also keep the glare of the sun out of his tender eyes. This week, SkyMall Monday spotlights the Flair Hair Visor.

As a man with no hair, I can appreciate one’s desire to enhance himself follicly. Sure, I look stunning bald, but not everyone can make such handsomely honest claims. Hair growth creams and surgical solutions can cost hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. Wigs and toupées rarely fool anyone and pose a unique set of challenges in blustery conditions. But with the Flair Hair Visor, your child can finally escape the stigma of being in the stage of development that precedes full hair growth.

As always, I don’t ask you to take just my word for it. Just check out this carefully selected excerpt from the product description (that happens to be the only sentence in the product description that isn’t littered with typos):

Instantly give yourself a head-turning new ‘do and amuse friends– and strangers!

If people are pointing and laughing at you, then yes, I suppose they are amused. And just imagine how amused they will be when they see that there are Flair Hair Visors for adults, too! You and your child can have matching fake visor hair and avoid the damaging effects that the sun can have on your retinas. And if you protect your retinas, you’ll be able to gaze into the mirror and see how magnificent you look with your fake hair that has taken the attention off of your child’s fake hair. See, you solved that problem of being embarrassed by your kid already!

Bring an air of confidence back to your family with the Flair Hair Visor. Surely people will stop mocking you and your child now. I think. Maybe.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Name That Hat: The Hmong in Laos

by Brett Atkinson on

Thanks to those who posted on the most recent Name That Hat. It’s shared honours this time round between Tyler and Oddsocks. The country was Laos – I bought the hat at the Vientiane market – and it’s headgear normally worn by the people of the Hmong hilltribe.

The Hmong are a sub-group of the Miao people and live across South East Asia in Laos, Vietam, Myanmar and Thailand. In the early stages of the Vietnam war, the CIA recruited Hmong tribesmen to join the Secret War fighting the North Vietnamese army along the Ho Chi Minh trail.

Name That Hat: Oman

by Brett Atkinson on

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Thanks to all who posted answers for the inaugural Name That Hat. The winner was Moody75 who correctly guessed Oman. The name of the hat is a kumma, not “Steve” as the oddly named oddsocks opined. This one was bought at the main souk on the Muscat Corniche.

A couple of readers guessed Nigeria and Tanzania, and it’s true you’ll find similar head gear throughout other parts of Muslim Africa. Tanzania is a particularly good guess because Zanzibar was an East African destination for many of the Arab traders from Oman.

The name of the town where dhows (right) are built is Sur, and the world’s grandest canyon after the Grand Canyon is the magnificent Wadi Ghul.

Name That Hat

by Brett Atkinson on

Some people collect souvenir snowdomes. Others come back from overseas with just a few too many T-shirts. At our place we’ve got a selection of head gear (no, I don’t mean bongs and other smoking paraphernalia) from around the world. Here’s the first entry in my “Name That Hat” series. I’d love the actual name of the hat, but will settle for the name of the country it’s from.

Here’s a few hints. It contains the world’s second largest canyon after the Grand Canyon, and a town on its east coast is well known as a center for building dhows.