Galley Gossip: A letter from a flight attendant to Jerry Seinfeld concerning Lady Gaga, bad behavior & free upgrades

Dear Mr. Seinfeld,

May I call you Jerry? After Lady Gaga removed her shirt and held up her middle finger at a Mets game, she was escorted to your private box seats. Later on you complained about the singer’s behavior by stating, “I can’t believe they put her in my box that I paid for! You give people the finger and you get upgraded? Is that the world we’re living in now?”

Hate to break it to you but the answer is yes, Jerry, this is the world we’re living in now. Sad, isn’t it? All one has to do is act up and they’re instantly rewarded for bad behavior. Never mind the nice people. Let’s just reward the jerk who yells the loudest. I see this happening all the time – on the airplane. I’m a flight attendant.

“Excuse me, Miss, my reading light doesn’t work,” said a woman seated in an aisle seat at the front of the cabin. An elderly gentleman rested his head upon her shoulder.

“Feel free to move to any open seat in coach,” I told her.

“Do you have two seats together?”

I looked around. “No…sorry. But there’s another aisle seat available three rows back.”

She sighed. “What about first class?”What about first class, I wanted to say, but didn’t. Instead I smiled. “We don’t upgrade for things like broken reading lights.” She made a face. and rolled her eyes. She may as well have flipped me the bird because that’s the kind of face we’re talking about here. I suggested, “Why don’t you open your window shade? It’s still light outside.”

She pointed to the man beside her. “Can’t you see he’s sleeping! This is ridiculous! I’d like to speak to someone in charge!”

Here we go, I thought, make a scene until you get your way.

Last week my commuter flight from New York to Los Angeles was delayed for three hours due to a mechanical. I wasn’t dressed in uniform so no one knew I worked for the airline. Like most savvy travelers, I decided to jump ship and walk to the gate where the next flight bound for Los Angeles was already in the process of boarding. Patiently I waited my turn to speak to an agent. Finally I stepped up to the counter. I just wanted to quickly let her know I’d take the jump seat before another coworker beat me to it. That’s it.

This is when an inconsiderate passenger walked past the long line of people standing behind me, practically pushing me out of his way, and yelled out his name, adding, “I’m on the standby list for first class!”

I understand he’s a paying passenger and comes before me. Rightly so. But what about the passengers patiently waiting behind me? Don’t they count? They could be on the first class standby list as well.

The frazzled agent continued to ignore me, typing away frantically at her keyboard, and then handed the loud mouth a boarding pass. Soon others were barging up to the counter and calling out their names, ignoring the long line behind me. The agent handed out one, two, three, boarding passes before I became so annoyed, I gave up and walked back to the broken airplane. I’m not sure what the other passengers did, ya know, the ones with manners who were ignored because they were nice.

I always say if you want to see what society is like, really like, today, get on an airplane and take a good look around. It’s an A.D.D, me- me-me first kind of world on board, Jerry, and everyone is quick to react, expecting immediate results and upgrades for free. Lady Ga-Ga is a performer. Bad behavior, fishnet hose and platform heels are all part of the act. You should understand that. But what’s the excuse for everyone else?


The Flight Attendant

P.S. If I flip you the bird can I have your box seats?

Photo courtesy of Ama_lia

Galley Gossip: Flight attendants force Lady Gaga to change clothes in flight

It’s an FAA violation to interfere with the duties of a crew member. So please, for the love of Gaga, when a flight attendant asks you to get undressed, get undressed! And don’t argue about it.

Recently on an eight hour flight from London to New York, Lady Gaga’s legs began to swell due to the restrictive clothing she wore on board. According to The Sun, when she began developing early signs of deep vein thrombosis, the cabin crew asked Lady Gaga to change out of her clothes – black and yellow tape – as well as a pair of blue platform shoes. Apparently LG was miffed about ditching the heels designed by an old pal, the late Alexander McQueen, which she wore in honor of him.

Am I surprised by any of this? Not at all. Crazy Gaga has been quoted saying she would rather die than have her fans not see her in a pair of high heels. Well the woman almost got her wish. Obviously Miss G does not realize just how serious DVT is, especially when wearing uncomfortable duct tape with snug platform shoes on a long haul flight!

I’ll admit it, I’m a pretty big fan of the recording artist, so I’m quite familiar with her theatrical taste in fashion. And the thought of Lady G actually donning a pair of synthetic, airline, knee-socks is just not right. But research has shown that wearing flight socks can reduce the risk of developing DVT by 90%. Don’t gag, Gaga. If anyone can make an ugly pair of compression socks look sexy at 30,000 feet it’s you!The most interesting thing about Lady Gaga’s outfit is the fact that she needed help removing it. Of course the first thing I thought when I read this was, how in the world did the crew decide who would help her undress? Did they draw straws or did they go by seniority? Because I can totally see a crew bickering over whose turn it is to spin Lady Gaga around in the first class galley in order to unwind the yellow and black tape, which I’m sure looked stunning. For an outfit made of tape.

Speaking of strange outfits in flight, flight attendants should not wear pink. EVER. Nor should they wear little weird hats on the side of their heads. At least not to work. Although something tells me Lady Gaga might disagree.

Now flight attendants are on board primarily for the safety of passengers. This includes handling what could possibly turn into a serious health concern in flight. I hope Lady Gaga realizes this and doesn’t resent the cabin crew for looking after her. Certainly she must know that flight attendants are trained to deal with these kinds of situations, that we’re professionals who take pride in our job, and that we’ll do whatever we have to do for the comfort and safety of everyone on board. It’s just…who would have thought this would one day come to include removing duct tape and designer shoes from a celebrity passenger!

Photos courtesy of BayerNYC and Alicetiara