Worst airports. Best hotels. Rating these things, I understand. But bathrooms? Yes, the Cintas Corporation recently sponsored an online vote for the best bathroom in America.
Apparently, it’s no longer good enough to offer a clean toilet (truly a luxury in some places, believe me), running water, towels and maybe a mirror for good measure. Nope, to compete in the race for best bathroom, you’ll need features like gilded chandeliers, marble fireplaces and 1,800 square feet of space. At least, that’s what the winning bathroom at the Shoji Tabuchi Theatre in Branson, Missouri offers….along with a hand-carved mahogany pool table.
I’m a get-in, get-out quickly kind of girl so I just don’t see the need for such luxurious facilities. But perhaps there really are some people who enjoy hanging out and playing a game of pool while waiting for the loo.
Wanna know the best way to change clothes on an airplane? I bet you do. I’ll get to that in a moment. (Or you can just scroll down to the bottom of this post.) Now that I’ve got your attention…
Have you ever seen a uniformed crew member sitting on the jumpseat and flipping through magazines? Or even worse, watching a movie? Don’t be too quick to judge. There’s a very good chance that lazy flight attendant is a nonrev passenger, not a working crew member. Looks can be deceiving.
Standby – waiting for an open seat on a flight that one is not ticketed on, whether it’s an airline employee or a passenger who is ticketed on a specific flight who has decided to depart at a different time.
Nonreving – (non-revenue passenger) flying standby on an airline employee’s travel passes. Nonrev’s are always at the the bottom of the standby list
Commuting – When an airline employee nonrevs from the city he/she lives to a city he/she is based. Because I commute to New York (where I’m based) from Los Angeles (where I live), I’m an LA commuter.
Deadheading – traveling on company time to cover a trip departing out of a city different from where one is based. This usually happens on a reserve month when a base is short flight attendants. Flight attendant gets paid to deadhead, but aren’t officially working the flight. Deadheaders go to the top of the standby list surpassing ticketed standbys.
Most nonrevs travel in uniform in order to bypass the line at security and bring liquids on board. Others wear their uniform because they’ve just finished a sequence and didn’t have time to change clothes because they had to sprint across the terminal to catch a commuter flight home. While some wear their uniforms because they’re actually going to work as soon as they step off the airplane.
Once while deadheading back to base in uniform, the agent issued me an aisle seat in the front row of coach. I happened to be the last passenger to board. As soon as I sat down a man two rows back started in with, “Why does she get to sit in that seat! I wanted that seat! She’s an airline employee – that’s not right!”
Seconds later the agent asked me to switch seats with the complainer. I sighed, grabbed my belongings, and switched seats. As soon as I settled into the second seat I heard it all over again. Another passenger wanted my seat, a seat they deserved, not me. A flight attendant working the flight leaned over and quietly asked me if I’d be willing to switch. I didn’t have much. I was in uniform. And so I played musical chairs again.
On a different flight a passenger turned around, glared at me, a lowly uniformed crew member sitting in a passenger seat, and yelled, “This airline sucks!” after the Captain made an announcement that the flight had been canceled.
It was hard not reacting to that.
The first thing nonreving airline employees do the morning of their trip is check the passenger load. This takes place seconds after rolling out of bed while the coffee is still brewing. Airline employees will continue to check the standby list constantly throughout the day right up until departure time. Of course passenger loads determine the outfit.
Here I am doing what I always do before a flight, while trying to nonrev from Chicago to New York last week – #88 on the standby list.
My nonreving outfit of choice consists of dark blue jeans and a blouse or dressy shirt when the flights are open and I know there won’t be a problem getting a seat in coach. Needless to say, it’s been awhile since I’ve worn jeans on the airplane. What I usually end up sporting is a nice pair of trouser pants with the same kind of shirt mentioned above – just in case the only seat available is located in first class – or a jumpseat.
At my airline jeans, shorts, T-shirts, and flip-flops are not allowed to be worn by nonrevs occupying jumpseats or premium cabins. This explains why nonrevs are some of the best dressed passengers on board the airplane and why I can spot a nonrev a mile away.
Even my husband has an official nonrev outfit; khaki pants, a button down shirt, and brown boots. The funny thing about this is he actually refers to it as his “nonrev outfit” even when he’s not traveling on my passes.
Recently on a flight to Dallas, Murphy, a commuting flight attendant based in New York, boarded the airplane dressed in navy blue polyester. I couldn’t help but notice a bundle of clothes tucked under her arm and the sneakers peaking out from under her pants. Quickly she threw her crew bag into the overhead bin and made a beeline for the lav. A few minutes later she exited the bathroom wearing a smile and looking a whole lot more comfortable.
“What’s the secret to changing clothes in the lav?” I asked Murphy as I served her a beverage during the flight. “Like how do you do it so quickly in such a contaminated confined space?” Murphy shared the following tips…
HOW TO CHANGE CLOTHES ON AN AIRPLANE:
Have your clothes ready to go. That means get them out of your bag before you board the flight.
Change into the shoes you want to wear before you get on the airplane. That way you’ll have less to carry and you won’t be tripping all over yourself in the lav.
Wear (uniform) pants instead of a dress. They’re easier to change out of when you’re in a hurry.
Take advantage of the baby changing table. Use it to hold your clothes. No changing table? Line the sink with paper towels.
Make sure to check out my next Galley Gossip post about a new website for airline employees (and retirees). Until then, here are a few other posts involving the joys of nonrev travel:
TripAdvisor just conducted an online poll; 5,300 people responded. The results are as predictable as you’d expect. An overwhelming 78 percent of respondents are not interested in shelling out cash for the privilege of flushing. Can you blame ’em? When you stroll down the aisle toward that green light (i.e., “vacant”), you have one thing on your mind, and it isn’t the change in your pocket. Another 19 percent feel that pay-to-pee is reasonable … if the flight is cheap enough. The remaining 3 percent would be willing to pay regardless of the cost of the flight.
Thankfully, Ryanair tends to stay short-haul, so if you hit the bathroom before you board, you should be fine until landing.
All Joao Correa wanted to do was go to the bathroom. He ate something bad and needed to get it out of his system … we’ve all been there. A beverage cart stood in his way, but that wouldn’t deter the spirit of this passenger. He asked to use the first class lavatory: denied. So, his only hope was on the other side of that cart – which didn’t move for several minutes. The chain of events that followed would result in an encounter with the legal system. Thanks to a deal with the feds, Correa will be able to put all this behind him.
Correa claims that the flight attendant raised her arm to block him and that he grabbed that appendage to keep his balance. She, apparently, didn’t agree. Nonetheless, a pilot was called back from the cockpit, and he allowed the passenger to reach is mid-flight destination. He was arrested when the plane landed.
Now, Correa’s a free man. He completed a three-month pretrial diversion program and is no longer a “danger” to flying society.
One bit of advice Correa: don’t eat before flying! Hell, that’s advice I’ll probably follow, too.