Are you turning into a traveling stereotype? Find out here.

by Aaron Hotfelder on

I’m halfway through cooking a dinner of Ramen Noodles at my three-dollar-a-night hostel in Mexico, and suddenly it dawns on me: I haven’t showered in two days, I have ten pesos in my pocket, and I slept in a cave last night. God dammit, I thought, I’m turning into a traveling stereotype.

To help you avoid the same dark path, I’ve composed a “Field Guide” to traveling stereotypes. If any of the following descriptions start to sound a little too familiar, put down your plate of Ramen Noodles and run. I said, Run, dammit!

The Frugal Backpacker

Description: You’re eager to see the world, even if you don’t exactly have the funds to pay for it. In fact, a person takes a leak with more forethought than you gave to your financial situation before this trip. You barely scraped together enough cash to fly standby to your destination, and your tentative plan is to return in the hull of a cargo ship. Your budget is roughly $2.50 per day, including approximately $0 for gifts for friends and family. Thirty percent of your body is composed of Ramen Noodles.

Aesthetic: Ebenezer Scrooge meets A Map for Saturday

  • Turn-ons: Free refills, haggling over miniscule amounts of money, sleeping in bus stations, raiding wishing wells (I’ve heard)
  • Turn-offs: Shampoo, any accomodation ending in the word “hotel” rather than “hostel”
  • Won’t go near: An ATM

The Business Traveler

Description: You travel with the joyless efficiency of someone who’s spent far too much time drinking overpriced cocktails in airport restaurants with names like “Blue Skye Bar and Grille”. You can visit a Panda Express at any airport in the world and order “the usual.” When taking your seat in a crowded airplane, you clog the aisle for several minutes while folding your sport jacket like you’re in the color guard at Arlington National Cemetery.

  • Aesthetic: Steve Forbes meets immaculate luggage
  • Turn-ons: USA Today, expense accounts, looking snazzy
  • Turn-offs: Crying babies, the middle seat
  • Won’t go near: Coach

The Over-the-Hill Backpacker

Description: Your grandchildren set up a travel blog for you before you left six months ago. It still says “Under construction. Come back soon!” You love sleeping in hostels but don’t understand why the kids have to turn their damn music up so loud.

You wake up before most of your fellow backpackers go to bed. You’re heartened by other backpackers who frequently tell you, “I hope I’m still doing this when I’m your age.” You inspire travelers pretty much wherever you go.

  • Aesthetic: Lonely Planet meets Centrum Silver
  • Turn-ons: Bran cereal, getting up early, bringing all your medication with you for the next six months
  • Turn-offs: Updating your blog, Florida retirement communities, loud damn music
  • Won’t go near: ‘Nam, Korea

The Luxury Traveler

Description: You’re still vexed by the fact that you can’t find ice cubes in Europe. As noted in The Onion, you frequently tell people that you “love Brazil” despite the fact that you’ve only seen two square miles of it. You stay away from street food because you’re certain it will give you some combination of AIDS and leprosy. Your main concern before a trip is what kind of rental car you’re going to get. You still have a travel agent for some reason.

  • Aesthetic: Conde Nast Traveler meets Samantha Brown
  • Turn-ons: Conspicuous consumption, bell hops, a detailed itinerary, blowing your children’s inheritance
  • Turn-offs: Hostels, street food, people who don’t speak English
  • Won’t go near: India, except Goa

Private jet, 4 weeks in hotel, starts at NZ$1

by Tom Johansmeyer on

The bidding starts at NZ$1, but it probably won’t stay there long! New Zealand Luxury is auctioning more than NZ$30,000 in luxury travel with a reserve that’s 0.033% of its value. The package includes four weeks worth of accommodations at an exclusive private villa, flights on a private jet and local trips by helicopter. Oh, and did I mention the yacht? And the chauffeur-driven private car?

Yeah, not bad for NZ$1. Hell, it’s not bad for NZ$30,000.

If you don’t win the big auction for a small price, don’t sweat it. Maybe you’ll be able to pick up some clothing from Untouched World – the proceeds of which to go Untouched World Charitable Trust.

Details about the Cunard ship the Queen Elizabeth

by Jamie Rhein on

The maiden voyage of the Queen Elizabeth, Cunard’s latest cruise ship endeavor, won’t be until October 12, 2010 when it sets sail from England for the Canary Islands. Details about what the ship will feature have begun to be revealed.

It sounds fancy–more than fancy. Polished wood, marble, artwork that depicts the royal palaces, and special dining rooms for people who have paid more money add to the luxury of ocean travel. The ship’s design incorporates aspects of the QE2 and the original Queen Elizabeth.

In this USA Today article about the ship, one line made me laugh a bit. The senior executive for Cunard said that the ship would make passengers feel “‘right at home.'”

Yes, I know he means that people will feel comfortable despite the ship’s wow factor, but whenever I’m around marble and polished wood, I’m reminded about how it doesn’t seem like my home at all. For me, that’s one reason to take a cruise. The photo is of the Garden Lounge that was designed to evoke an image of Kew Gardens’ conservatory.

You can start booking tickets on the Queen Elizabeth on April 2nd. Here’s the booking link.

Flexjet gives rich people new choices

by Tom Johansmeyer on

The wealthy feel pain, just like the rest of us. As we fight the tightening walls of a global recession, Flexjet is making things a little easier for the world’s financial elite. If you’re looking to extend the value of your private jet dollar, these two programs could be exactly what you need. If, on the other hand, you are like me, read something else, maybe the Cockpit Chronicles or Galley Gossip … this sale is too rich for your blood.

The Flexjet 25 “split-payment option” turns the obligation of one payment into two! Instead of having to pay for a 25-, 30- or 35-hour Flexjet 25 Jet Card, you can pay half up front and the other after six months – or when you have scheduled more than half of the purchased flight hours.

The other new development is that cardholders can now split their hours between two types of aircraft without incurring any additional fees. If you are among the privileged few, your choices include the Learjet 40, Learjet 45, Learjet 60, Challenger 300 and Challenger 604.

Among the capitally anointed? This is not a deal to be missed!

Ritz-Carlton announces Ritz-Carlton Reserve for global travelers

by Meg Massie on

Looking to expand the company’s luxury brand to the far corners of the planet, the Ritz-Carlton has officially announced the first Ritz-Carlton Reserve resort in Phulay Bay in Krabi, Thailand.

These new resorts will be built in beautiful, remote destinations, with the guest suites designed for peaceful relaxation and seclusion, while resort amenities will feature all the luxury that is associated with the Ritz-Carlton name.

The Phulay Bay resort was designed by Thai architect Lek Bunnag, giving the property a modern style with local flavor. The guest rooms have gorgeous views of the Andaman Sea as well as private plunge pools and sheltered outdoor baths and rainforest showers. Public amenities at the resort include an infinity pool, fitness center, spa, casual and fine dining, cooking and batik painting classes, and an event space perfect for wedding of up to 80 guests.

The Ritz-Carlton Reserve is now taking reservations for Phulay Bay for 2009. Visit www.ritzcarltonreserve.com for more information. Future resorts are planned for Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, Turks & Caicos and The United Arab Emirates.