Ryanair: get in shape, carry your own bags

European object of disdain low-cost carrier Ryanair is always looking for ways to save a few bucks. From pay-to-piss to the fat tax, the airline has put forth a stream of ideas that really haven’t gotten off the ground. Well, CEO Michael O’Leary has a new one to add to the list: mandatory luggage self-service.

Under this new model, passengers would carry their bags through airport security and drop them at the steps at the bottom of the plane. Turnaround times remain a concern – as they are for the fat tax. Let’s be realistic: the only people in the airport more likely to screw something up than baggage handlers are the passengers themselves.

If you spend 15 minutes staring at the menu at Sbarro and can’t figure the damned thing out, you probably shouldn’t be trusted to carry your own bags.

Good news! Ryanair will NOT make you use coins to enter their bathrooms

We’d forgive you if you accused us of being pro/anti Ryanair (depending on what you read).

In the past week we broke the news that the Ryanair CEO was considering introducing coin operated bathrooms on his flights.

Then we reported on remarks of a Ryanair spokesperson who claimed the esteemed Ryanair CEO was just screwing with us. Thankfully the official reply is out – Ryanair will NOT be introducing coin operated bathrooms on their flights.

They will be credit card operated.

That’s right, According to Ryanair, they have actually asked Boeing engineers to design a credit card operated lock that can be installed on the bathroom doors. That pretty much removes all concerns about not having enough change, or any worries about currency issues.

According to Ryanair, if 20% of their passengers use the bathroom on each flight, and they all pay 1 Pound for the right to pee or poo, they’ll earn an additional 15 Million Pounds a year (21 Million Dollars).

As usual, there is something smelly about this plan – the extra income does not take into account the cost of installing the actual credit card operated doors, or the extra manpower required to transfer all these transactions to some kind of computer at the end of the day.

Nor do they seem to worry about the possibility that the equipment will break down, and sooner or later someone will break it when they can’t get the damn thing to accept their hotel loyalty card as a valid method of payment.

We are already on our third installment of this silly idea, but I can’t help feel we are being involved in a funny hoax by the airline. Either way, Mr O’Leary and his airline are clearly masterminds at creating free PR – almost getting themselves on the same level as that other brilliant airline PR guy, Richard Branson.

I just hope Ryanair understands what they are getting themselves in to – many of our commenters already said they’d rather take a dump in the vomit bag than pay the airline.

Update: O’Leary has finally admitted that the whole thing was indeed a cheap PR stunt.

Ryanair – to pay to pee or not to pay to pee?

Oh Ryanair, how you mock us.

Yesterday, every news source in the world (well, many of them) were abuzz with the news that Ryanair exec Michael O’Leary announced he’d be introducing coin operated bathrooms on his planes.

Normally, when an airline owner announces something on the news, you take it seriously. Apparently that is no longer possible when it comes to stuff O’Leary says.

The latest update in the “paid bathroom concept” comes from a Ryanair spokesperson who’s actual statement was:

“Maybe O’Leary was just taking the p*ss this morning. Michael makes a lot of this stuff up as he goes along and while this has been discussed internally there are no immediate plans to introduce it”.

Someone might want to keep O’Leary away from the press for the time being, before you know it, he’ll be saying something really stupid like that he wants his flight attendants giving free oral sex on his upcoming transatlantic flights.

Check out these stories of booze gone bad in the skies