Galley Gossip: How to get free beer in flight

by Heather Poole on

Recently I read an article on News.com.au about a passenger who stole a few cans of beer from a beverage cart and then tried to flush the evidence – the empty cans, not the liquid – on an Air Canada Jazz flight. The pilot diverted the plane and the nameless thief, 23, was arrested for causing a disturbance on an aircraft. Like most airlines, Air Canada Jazz has zero tolerance for unruly behavior.

It did not come as a surprise to read about the passenger who had been caught stealing liquor, because I’ve come across quite a few sticky fingers myself over the years squatting in front of an unmanned cart or walking out of the galley with minis hanging out of their pockets. Yes, I made them put it back! What shocked me about the whole thing was the fact that the passenger actually tried to flush those aluminum cans down the toilet! Seriously, that’s crazy!

Once, years ago, on a Sun Jet International flight, a passenger decided an hour before landing that a fire extinguisher would make a wonderful souvenir. Somehow, I don’t know how, she managed to stuff the large red bottle inside a duffel bag and hide it under the seat in front of her, and she did it without anyone seeing her do so. The extinguisher only found its way back into the metal brackets behind the last row of coach after we, the crew, made several PA’s threatening to search every bag on board the airplane, which happened after we made a few other PA’s about not allowing anyone deplane until the fire extinguisher was returned – no questions asked. Not too long ago a passenger lo and behold “found” an egg McMuffin just sitting on my jump seat and figured it was for the taking. If the guilty one had not already bitten into my breakfast sandwich I would have snatched it back. I can’t even tell you the number of times my magazines and books have disappeared right out of my tote bag. People do crazy things on airplanes.

Now back to the beer-drinking-aluminum-can flushing idiot who didn’t have to steal the liquor which resulted in an arrest and probably a fine that was much higher than the price of an adult beverage. Really, there are ways to get free alcohol without causing an in flight disturbance, ya know. Oh sure it depends on the crew and the airline and what’s going on that day, but here are a few ways to increase your chances…

HOW TO GET FREE BEER ON A FLIGHT

  1. Switch seats. When the family with small children scattered all over the airplane asks if you mind switching your aisle seat for a middle seat, do it! Just make sure the flight attendants are watching.
  2. Assist. It’s seconds before departure and you see a flight attendant struggling to get those last bins shut, give her a hand. She’ll remember who you are.
  3. Speak up. The jerk in the last row is going on and on about his miserable day and now he’s taking it out on the crew. They can’t say anything, but you can, and they’ll be glad you did.
  4. Lie. Tell the flight attendants they’re doing a wonderful job and this is the best flight you’ve ever been on. Thank them for making your day.
  5. Brag. Let it be known just how many miles you’ve flown on the airline and then tell the crew why, exactly, you’ve flown so many miles and why, exactly, you’ll continue to fly those miles.
  6. Be Polite. Saying please and thank you and making eye contact actually goes a long way
  7. Don’t ask! Even if you think you deserve it.

Stories of booze gone bad in the skies

Passenger rights advocate sues Delta over alleged e-mail hacking

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Is Delta Airlines really a den of hackers? Passengers’ rights advocate Kate Hanni thinks so and is suing the world’s largest carrier over it. Hanni, of FlyersRights.org, alleges that Delta conspired with Dulles, Virginia-based Metron Aviation to yank e-mails from her computer in an effort to stall her “efforts to protect air travelers from lengthy tarmac delays and other inconveniences.”

She’s found an easy target for a war in the press – nobody is in favor of most of what airlines put us through. Hanni is asking for at least $11 million in damages and the opportunity to present her case before a jury. But, now that this has entered the legal system, we have to be especially careful not to indulge a public battle over everything except the evidence.

Delta spokesperson Trebor Banstetter can’t comment beyond, “Obviously, the idea that Delta would hack into someone’s e-mail is clearly without merit,” which was released in an e-mail to The Associated Press.

Hanni claims that her service provider, AOL (which owns Gadling), confirmed that her e-mail had been hacked. She also says, in the court filings, that Metron officials revealed that Delta provided the stolen e-mails, which included lists of donors and personal files.

The linchpin in all this is a graduate student, employed by Metron, with whom Hanni was sharing information. Metron executives confronted the student with the e-mails and said that Delta wasn’t happy that Hanni was receiving information that would facilitate the passage of the passenger bill of rights. The contents of the messages were not clear from the lawsuit.

Metron provides services around research, airspace design and environmental analysis to the global air traffic industry, and it has Delta as a client. The company didn’t immediately respond to requests by the AP for comment.

It’s too soon to draw any conclusions from the lawsuit; clearly, there’s a lot of information that has yet to be located and released. So, let’s sit back and watch this unfold before drawing any conclusions.

Five ways to avoid a chatty passenger

by Tom Johansmeyer on

You usually know within seconds whether the person next to you will leave you alone. The talkative types may wait until they have their bags stored, though some will start even before they’ve tossed their carry-ons into the overhead bins. From before the door shuts to well after touchdown, chatty passengers can consume your flight, making your books, magazines and iPods irrelevant.

Some people love this. Stick two talkers together, and they’ll reach baggage claim the best of friends. The unfortunate pairing of one of these passengers with the type that prefers to be left alone can make the flight a living hell for the latter, with severity linked to duration. If you like nothing more than to occupy yourself while flying, here are five steps you can take to be left in silence.

1. Keep your magazine in your pocket
A talker can strike while you’re fishing through your bag for reading material. Keep your magazine handy, and you narrow your neighbor’s window of opportunity. Roll it and put it in your back pocket, that way you can pull it out in fractions of a second. Open it while you’re sitting down to avoid making eye contact.

2. Act like a workaholic
Stare at your Blackberry and shake your head. Mutter to yourself about “that asshole, Steve.” When you have to turn off your electronic devices, pull out a notepad and start scribbling furiously. The passenger next to you may try to strike up a conversation, but you can reply, “Sorry, I have to deal with this.” Don’t give any details: they can only lead to more questions.

3. Look exhausted
Merely waiting to sleep isn’t enough. A chatty passenger will try to keep you awake. You have to look weary (the prospect of having to listen to this person should help this along) and in desperate need of some shut-eye. If you have to say something to the person, just mention that you didn’t get to sleep much last week … and that the coming week will be worse. Then, close your eyes and tilt your head. Don’t give in to any offers to converse.

4. Stick to short answers
Try to telegraph your lack of interest in talking through one-word answers and grunts. Usually, a single word in reply to an open-ended question drives the message home. After you answer each question, close your eyes and turn your head away, or lift your magazine or book higher. Make it clear through body language that you have no interest in continuing the discussion.

5. Be direct
If you’ve tried to be polite and sought to avoid conflict without the desired result, it’s time to get tough. If you don’t like to be rude, think of it this way – you tried, and your neighbor is the one acting inappropriately. Be firm: “I’m not interested in talking. I really need to [pick one: sleep, work, etc.].” Sometimes, the direct approach is the only one that will work.

Passenger on Southwest flight stung by scorpion

by Katie Hammel on

First snakes on a plane, now scorpions.

Doug Herbstommer was traveling from Phoenix to Indianapolis on Southwest Airlines and was apparently carrying some non-TSA approved items in his carry-on. As he was rummaging through his bag, he was stung by a scorpion, identified as an Arizona bark scorpion, which had presumably gotten into his bag in Phoenix and come along for the ride. The sting of this kind of scorpion is rarely fatal and Herbstommer was treated when the plane landed in Indianapolis.

Several more baby scorpions were found in Herbstommer’s luggage and in the overhead bin of the plane. They were removed and the jet was fumigated as a precaution.

[via USA Today]

Galley Gossip: A question about flight attendant buddy passes

by Heather Poole on

Hi Heather,

I had an intriguing conversation with my best friend yesterday. His mom is now a retired American Airlines flight attendant. I’ve always been enamored with his ability to just hop on a flight whenever he wants for virtually no money. Just yesterday he was telling me the story how his mom only gets one registered companion (or whatever they call it) and since his sister is her register person, his mom had to find a friend to put him on as that persons registered person. That got me thinking, I wonder if I can find a really cool chick that I can compensate nicely to have her put me on as her registered companion (or whatever). Then I thought of who I know that’s a flight attendant and I remembered your blog! Since I’m running my small company, I’m always forced to pay ridiculous fares for last minute trips, and the inability to be more flexible with my flights. Wanted to hear your thoughts on this. Do you know of this taking place? Or is it too good to be true? Anyway, great blog!….looking fwd to hearing from you.

Best,

Jason

Dear Jason,

Do you feel me smiling as I simultaneously shake my head slowly back and forth? Do you know this is a HUGE flight attendant pet peeve – asking for passes? You must have no idea how many times people ask flight attendants about their buddy passes, and these are mostly people we rarely even know, like people we just happen to meet in the course of our day! Like the mailman, or a taxi driver, or even a random colleague of the spouse. Just last month my son’s preschool teacher hinted around for a pass. And my mother, who is also a flight attendant, was hit up by a nurse at her doctor’s office.

You mentioned that your friend, the one whose mother is an ex flight attendant, is able to fly back and forth whenever he wants for “virtually no money”, but that little bit of money is actually a lot of money to a flight attendant who is probably making on average 40K a year, and that’s only if he/she works for a major airline and has decent seniority with the airline. Keep in mind that money is automatically docked out of a flight attendants pay check, which, after we pay our bills, could be described as “virtually no money” leftover for anything else. Did you know that flight attendants also get stuck paying the taxes on your trip at the end of the year? We do.

Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase, “Marry me, fly free?” That has since been changed to “Marry me, fly standby!” Have you flown standby recently? Do you really want to spend your day running from gate to gate, waiting for an agent to call your name, praying each time the agent picks up the phone that they’ll please call your name, please call your name, please call your name, only to feel as if you’ve just won the million dollar lottery when your name is actually called?

When I mentioned on Facebook that someone I didn’t know had asked about compensating a flight attendant for a buddy pass, Tom, a flight attendant, wrote, “I can get you a standby pass, which will allow you to ‘stand’ around all day then drive home mad at me!” Bob, the singing pilot, added, “I only give buddy passes to people I hate. Then I can gleefully relish when they get stranded in Senegal for 10 days.”

Every airline is different when it comes to how their buddy pass system works. Flight attendants, spouses, and immediate family members are able to travel for next to nothing. Whereas it costs a flight attendant almost as much to give a friend a pass as it would if that same friend had just bought the ticket outright. Now it’s a totally different story if the friend traveling on a pass gets upgraded to a first or business class seat, because then the pass becomes quite a steal, but our VIP travelers can’t always get those premium seats and they’re on the standby list way ahead of you!

As far as compensating a flight attendant for a travel pass, I do not know any flight attendants who’d be willing to put their jobs at risk like that. Most airlines state that it’s against company policy to use travel benefits for work related reasons.

Jason, have you seen how cheap airfares are today? They’re so cheap that whenever I fly with my son I almost always buy a ticket, just so I can get where I need to go without any stress. In order to save money these days, airlines are cutting back routes, which means most flights are going out full, which means if you want to fly standby, you better be prepared to do just that – stand by – All. Day. Long. Now if you have a business to run, or someplace you really need to be, can you afford to take a chance on not making it to your final destination?

Seven years ago I met my husband on a flight. Eight months later we were engaged. Things moved pretty quickly for us. But even so, I did not make him my travel companion until three months into the relationship – and I loved the guy! Why? Because those passes must be earned. There’s a reason we don’t give them out to just anyone, the most important reason being that if you act up on a flight and someone reports it we can actually lose our flying benefits! And that’s the reason most of us became flight attendants in the first place.

If someone does sign you up as a travel companion, it’s a pretty big deal. Before 9/11 all a flight attendant had to do was hand someone, anyone really, a paper ticket, and that was that! Off they went. Times have changed and now that everything is computerized you’ll have to fork over your social security number, along with some other pertinent information about you, in order to fly on that very same pass. Not to mention, at my airline, once we pick a travel companion that person is locked in as our companion for a year, and we’re only allowed a certain number of travel companions per year.

For those of you who think air travel today sucks, try traveling as a “non-rev” (non-revenue passenger). Non-rev’s have no rights – none, zero, zilch! And are quite familiar with the phrase, “I’m just happy to be here,” even if here is a middle seat in the last row of coach next to a screaming child on a flight that has been delayed for hours – three days after the original departure date.

A FEW TIPS FOR NON-REV TRAVELERS:

  1. Go for the first flight out. Even if the flight is booked full, the first flight out is notorious for passenger drop off. So set the alarm and get to the airport early.
  2. Back away from the gate! The agent is busy trying to get the flight out on time, which is a huge priority for airlines, so sit down and try to relax. You’ll only make things worse if you hover over the one in control of the empty seats
  3. Pack light – And don’t check your bags. You really don’t know which flight you’ll actually get on, or if you’ll even get out at all. Once the bag is checked you won’t get it back.
  4. Come prepared and be flexible- There’s a very good chance you’ll get stuck at the airport all day, especially during weekends, holidays and summer months. It will make your life a lot easier if you’re familiar with the flight numbers and departure times to your final destination. It’s also a good idea to have a back up plan. For instance, when I couldn’t get to Dallas from New York, I flew from New York to Boston to Dallas. It doesn’t always have to make sense.
  5. Don’t make special requests. Oh, no, no no, don’t even think about ringing the flight attendant call button! Unless it’s an emergency. Repeat after me, “I’m just happy to be here, I’m just happy to be here, I’m just happy to be here….” And try to mean it!
  6. Don’t push it! If you have to be somewhere important, give yourself at least a day or two to get there. Just in case. I recently ran into a teary eyed standby passenger who had missed her son graduate from military academy due to not being able to get out on the last flight of the night.