Five reasons the airlines don’t need to care about you

by Tom Johansmeyer on

I’m getting on a plane next week, and I’m not looking forward to it. This will be yet another long, painful flight this year – and I’ve already had more than I have in a while. Though I’m getting used to this sort of business travel again, I can’t say that I like it. All the time spent in transit, quite frankly, blows.

It isn’t unusual at this point to lament the state of customer service in an industry that won’t even call us customers. How nice it would be to be treated well and given a product worth consuming, right? Well, we all know that isn’t going to happen. And the truth is that there’s no reason for it.

The airline industry really wouldn’t benefit from making our lives better, while the impact of the status quo on airline shareholders is as positive as it is evident. Let’s take a look at five reasons why it would be stupid for the airlines to start treating us better:
1. You get what you pay for: when I booked my flight to London (my upcoming trip), one thing mattered: price. I went with Delta, and it’s been years since I’ve had a good experience on that carrier. That didn’t matter to me, though. Price did.

Even if good service were a differentiator, it probably wouldn’t cause sales to surge. If you don’t pay extra for leg room or other forms of premium seating, then you definitely wouldn’t pay more for a ticket on an airline committed to customer service.

2. The current model seems to be working: a la carte pricing, extra fees and few (if any) amenities – along with route cuts and other operational changes – have taken the airlines out of the red and into the black. They’re making money, which really is the only reason they exist.

The fact that people gripe doesn’t mean they aren’t responding to the product. We’re spending a lot of money on extras … because we want them. Lower fares, net of amenities, provide travel consumers with the starting place they want. They can add (and pay) if they choose. In this market, service just isn’t a priority.

3. The right people are happy: the first thing you’ll learn in any business ethics course is that a company’s primary obligation is to its shareholders. So, if a company can create shareholder wealth while pissing off its customers, then it should probably stay the course. The airline industry, generally, has been doing this.

If shareholders are happy, we don’t have to be. If customer service becomes a problem for airlines to the point that it causes sales to drop, then the shareholders won’t be happy, and customer service becomes a priority.

4. Expectations are low and probably won’t change: let’s say you’re an airline executive, and you want to rehabilitate your company’s image. What would you have to do? The answer is pretty simple: spend a lot of money. You’d have to invest in equipment, operations, training and (after that) marketing. You’d have to change the business fundamentally, and it would cost a fortune. Would you do all this just to keep your customers happy? In all likelihood, you’d do it only if the financial upside were sufficient to justify the hefty investment. The outcome you’d need, however, doesn’t seem likely in this market.

It’s not impossible. JetBlue did turn itself around a few years ago, becoming an efficient and customer-friendly organization. It’s a smaller airline, though, which made the process easier. Also, there were issues beyond customer service that made such a bold change necessary.

5. You wouldn’t appreciate it anyway: why? Let’s face it – we buy on price. It keeps coming back to that. We want cheap, and airlines want profit. The airlines have found a way to deliver the former in a way that enables the latter. The travel industry and its consumers appear to have found some degree of balance in this regard. Ultimately, we really don’t care much about service … so why should the airlines?

[photo by Refracted Moments via Flickr]

Top 5 ways to annoy your airplane seatmate

by Mike Barish on

Over on Reddit earlier this month, there was a fascinating and hysterical story written by someone who was on an airplane with two seemingly horrible passengers. In fact, he ended up seated directly in between them [Note: The photo to the right is not the author of the Reddit post]. It seems that a mother (on crutches, mind you) boarded the plane with her young son. Rather than move their seats so that the mother and child could sit together, these two women argued that they have “flying issues” and needed to remain in their assigned seats. It turns out that they are sisters and, according to the Reddit user, are quite curmudgeonly. In fact, when he tried to assist with the situation, he was tersely told to mind his own business. After takeoff, the Reddit user and the woman seated next to him traded their seats with the mother and child. Now, however, our intrepid storyteller is smack dab in the middle of the two women who started this whole kerfuffle. Which leads us to his query: “What can i do to make their flight as akward as possible” [sic] We feel compelled to chime in. What exactly are the five best ways to annoy your airplane seatmate?5. Total armrest domination
It actually appears as if the Reddit user has already employed this classic maneuver. We’ve covered middle seat etiquette before and don’t believe that he’s doing anything wrong by controlling both armrests. It’s his birthright. But that doesn’t make it any less annoying to the ladies on either side of him.

4. The art of conversation
It’s time to get chatty. Discuss the weather. Talk about the reason for your trip. Ask your neighbors if they think the rash on your lower back looks abnormal. Whatever you do, keep talking. Are they ignoring you by working on their computers or reading newspapers? Don’t let that stop you. Keep chatting away, even if no one is listening.

3. Something smells fishy
Who doesn’t like tuna fish sandwiches? Everyone seated around you on the plane, that’s who. If you really want to bother your seatmates, eat something offensive. With fewer airlines offering free meals, you will need to plan ahead and pack that anchovy and bleu cheese sandwich yourself.

2. Bathroom breaks
Ask the flight attendant for extra water. After all, you need to stay hydrated on planes. Sadly, though, you can never really own water. You just kind of rent it. Asking to use the bathroom once on a flight is expected. Getting up twice isn’t too far-fetched. After your sixth trip to the head, however, you’re seatmate will be ready to stand up and scream. Which is helpful, since you’ll be able to get into the aisle again for your seventh bathroom run.

1. Airsick
There may be nothing worse than traveling next to a sick passenger. Feel free to get creative in how you portray your illness. You can go with the common cold and simply sneeze every 1-3 minutes. The sore throat is a classic and allows you to go with the excruciatingly annoying consistent throat clearing maneuver. To get the most bang for your buck, however, you’ll want to go full vomit. Work up to it, though. Start by talking about how you feel nauseous. No one likes hearing about a stranger’s stomach issues. Go to the bathroom with an excessive sense of urgency. Place your hand over your mouth, on your stomach, or on your buttocks. Covertly fake some gurgling noises. Now, depending on how committed you are to this, you can go all in. Vomit into the airsickness bag (either for real or sneakily dump some airport Sbarro’s lasagna in there). Do not miss the bag. Remember that you’re trying to annoy the passengers, not create extra work for the flight crew.

What did we miss? Surely there are more ways to annoy your seatmates. Let us know in the comments. We sure hope that the Reddit user came up with something good. Oh, and the next time you have the chance to help a passenger by switching seats or assisting them with a bag, just do it. It makes the world – or at least your flight – a better place.

[via @legalnomads]

Photo by Flickr user BJ Carter.

Galley Gossip: Electronic devices & the passenger with the cat-like reflexes

by Heather Poole on
When a passenger said to me with a straight face that he had cat-like reflexes, I tried not to laugh. Only it’s impossible not to laugh when a person says something like this, and actually means it. FYI: I’ve been around a lot of passengers and I have yet to meet one with these kind of reflexes. At least not in this day and age of distracted air travel.

How did I meet my funny feline friend? We had just touched down at La Guardia airport in New York. While taxiing to the gate, I spotted him, a business man, sitting in the aisle seat of the last row of coach with a mammoth-sized computer resting on his lap, fingers typing away.

From the back of the airplane over the roar of the engine, I called out, “Sir, excuse me, Sir! “

Either he couldn’t hear me or assumed I was speaking to someone else. I unbuckled my belt and gently tapped him on the shoulder. “You’re not supposed to be using that right now.”

Fingers continued to peck at the keys. Eyes remained glued to the screen. “I thought we were allowed to use electronic devices after landing.”

“It’s okay to use your cell phone after landing, but not a computer. That should be off and stowed.”

On a mission, the fingers kept moving. “I’m….almost…done.”

Almost was not soon enough.

“Do you know why you’re supposed to have that stowed?” I asked. Finally the fingers came to a stop, and for the first time during the course of a two and a half hour flight, the gentleman and I made eye contact. “If there’s an emergency and I have to pop the slide and evacuate this plane, you’re going to waste a lot of precious time fumbling around with that fifty pound laptop! Do you think your neighbor wants to gets blocked in, or worse, whacked in the head? Also what if I need your help?!”

Sheepishly he smiled. “What if I told you I have cat-like reflexes.”

And there you have it. That’s how this passenger, a middle-aged man, became known as The Cat Man. As for his amazing reflexes, I’d seen them in action and I was not at all impressed. During the flight when I went to put a cup of club soda down on his tray table, I had to wait a few minutes for him to figure out what to do with the laptop. And the Blackberry. And the other Blackberry.

On a recent flight a first class passenger thought nothing of pulling out his cell phone and texting while I stood right in front of him demonstrating the safety announcement! Another chatted away in coach as we turned onto the runway. “I heard you!” barked a woman when I asked her to turn off a game boy. Now I had already asked her twice to put it away and I kinda-sorta needed to take my jump seat before takeoff, so now wasn’t a good time to discuss why she couldn’t keep it in “airplane mode.”

Last week on a flight from New York to Aspen, after the lights were turned to bright and the flight attendant in charge made the announcement about turning electronic devices off, stowing bags, and putting seat backs in the upright and locked position, I went through the cabin and row by row had to practically invite each and every passenger to do as they were told – not once, but a few times! No joke, my four year-old has better listening skills than most of the adults on this flight. And there were 124 passengers on board! Never in my life has it taken me so long to prepare a cabin for landing! Because some of these passengers had more than one electronic device in use, I couldn’t get their attention, and when I finally did, they still couldn’t grasp what I was saying. I had to resort to a game of charades. Try acting out “head phones off. Power down computer” twenty times in flight and you’ll know what it’s like to be me.

Now when I encounter these kind of passengers, I can’t help but think of my old friend and his not-so cat-like reflexes. But instead of laughing, I feel more like hissing and scratching. Just consider yourself warned.

Meow.

Photo courtesy of Svacher

Photo of the day – Waiting at the gate

by Meg Nesterov on


Today’s photo of the day is from a place every traveler has a love/hate relationship with: the airport gate. Beyond it lies exploration, excitement, or maybe just home. But it also stands for all the worst in travel: delays, cramped seats, and maybe the worst, other travelers. Flickr user davitydave philosophically calls this pic from Chicago’s O’Hare Airport “Each Waits His Own Way,” which is rather poetic for a picture of some dudes sitting around on ugly carpeting. How do you pass the time before boarding? Some of us frantically search for a wifi connection, others try to take a quick nap, and others, like the guy standing at right, like to look out onto the tarmac and imagine where all the planes are going.

Taken any good travel pics while waiting to board? Add them to the Gadling Flickr pool and we may use it as a future

photo of the day.

Mystery bag gets passenger yanked from Boston flight

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Was Ognjen Milatovic a nutty professor? Only time – and the legal process – will tell. The University of North Florida professor of mathematics and statistics put a carry-on in the overhead bin … and his fellow passengers said it was making strange noises. Then, he wouldn’t get off his phone and take his seat when told to do so by the crew.

So, he was turned over to the Massachusetts State Police.

Milatovic was arrested in Boston and then released on his own recognizance after being pulled from the US Airways flight on Monday. The mystery luggage was inspected, and according to the Associated Press, “no threat was found.”

[photo by purpleslog via Flickr]