Porn star rights Customs’ wrong

A Brooklyn guy was faced with the worst of scenarios. Coming through customs on a return trip from Puerto Rico, he was cuffed in San Juan. He was accused of transporting child pornography, because a copy of the DVD “Little Lupe the Innocent” was found in his bags. Of course, Carlos Simon-Timmerman claimed his innocence, so in his mind at least, he was staring down two decades in prison for something he didn’t do.

At times like this, you cross your fingers and hope for a knight in shining armor to rescue you. Carlos got his knight … in the form of porn star Lupe Fuentes. He was freed from the can when Lupe flew down to Puerto Rico earlier this month to prove in court that she was 19 when the movie was made. The fact that she produced her passport and photo identification was much more compelling than the pediatrician called by the feds who insisted that the actress was underage.

So, if you’re taking porn through customs, you may want to do a little research. Get the stars’ cell numbers, or keep copies of their documents on file. You never know when you’ll need it.

And, just for fun, do you know what Carlos does for a living?

Ding dong … you’re pizza’s here.

Helo pilot grounded because of in-flight porn star tryst

Definition of good sex: you’re willing to come back for more
Definition of great sex: you’re willing to piss away your pilot’s license
Definition of unforgettable sex: “great” sex with a porn star

David Martz is stupid enough to make receiving oral sex unpleasant. How? He was videotaped(!) on the receiving end of a passenger’s lips while flying a helicopter around San Diego. If this is some flyboy version of “put out or get out,” it may have made more sense not to let the camera roll.

What the LA Times doesn’t tell you is that Martz is Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee‘s helicopter pilot … and his passenger was none other than porn star Puma Swede (link to Wikipedia, safe for work).

The National Transportation Safety Board is out for satisfaction – much like Martz, ironically – and pushed to have his license revoked. Going down over San Diego (the helicopter, not the passenger) could have led to lost lives and plenty of property damage.

According to the NTSB, the blowjob itself wasn’t the problem. Pilot and passenger were busted because the video showed both unfastening their seatbelts … apparently much more dangerous than unfastening buttons. The giver’s body blocked the receiver’s access to the controls. Puma Swede, however, says that the whole incident didn’t take long (sorry, Martz). So, maybe the safety folks are being a bit tough on the fast-shooter.

The ruling handed down deprives Martz of his license for one year, though he can appeal the NTSB decision in federal court. Before the 2005 BJ, this pilot’s license was suspended twice and revoked once. But, he stayed out of trouble until being thanked for the spin four years ago.

Believe it or not, Martz almost got away with hit. He received the aerial bliss on May 29, 2005. This year, though, the video popped up on the internet, arousing suspicion and ultimately leading to action.

After the jump, check out a YouTube-friendly version of the video that grounded Martz, and an interview with the lovely Puma Suede.

Smut bust at Sweden’s airport authority: 7 fired, 1 quit

Sweden‘s airport authority had problems with its computer systems … caused by porn. An investigation has revealed that LFV Group employees were passing the time on adult websites while at work. Seven have been fired, and one employee quit as a result. Particularly loathsome is the fact that some of these employees accessed at least one website with child pornography.

This behavior was discovered because LFV wanted to know why its network was running slowly.

LFV doesn’t suspect coordinated activity among the employees responsible, as they worked in different facilities across Sweden. But, there is a common thread: they spent large chunks of their workdays focused on porn sites – in some cases up to 75 percent of the day.

To read about other ridiculous tales from the airport checkpoint, click the arrow in the blue triangle below and explore the gallery.

Having Best Job in World Risks Best Job in World Contest

We all know about “the best job in the world” contest. Well, it seems as though one entry could be, um, tainted. Tourism Queensland is digging into claims by London newspaper The Sun that one candidate for the Hamilton Island gig spread her legs for an illegal Russian porn studio.

All we know so far is that someone will get screwed.

Julia Yalovitsyna, one of the top 50 in the contest worked as both a model and a “coach” for other performers, according to reports from The Sun. She plied her trade in her hometown of Petrazavodsk. Allegedly, of course. Yalovitsyna is being prepared as a witness against her husband, Alexei, who is being prosecuted. Yet, she denies this, too, saying she is “shocked” by the news.

Clearly, she’s done something that resonates with fans, as her entry has garnered 42,319 votes – putting her in second place behind a Taiwanese woman named Clare (who, at least so far, does not have any clear connections to the porn business).

Thankfully, a spokeswoman from Tourism Queenland has said that Yalovitsyna will be permitted to continue in the contest. Thankfully? If work in porn (SFW) were a disqualifier, Gadling would have me out on the street.

Catch her entry video after the jump! Sorry, it’s got none of her previous “work” in it. Hell, vote for her anyway.

[Via Sydney Morning Herald]

More sexy women from the travel world

The truth about in-room adult entertainment

It’s tough to report on the adult entertainment business. Data’s hard to find, and ranges are substituted for exact numbers. Because of this, the smallest anecdote can be stretched and prodded for years, ultimately taking on a life of its own. Adult-oriented in-room entertainment – porn, dirty movies, the stuff that’s pretty hard to order by mistake – falls into this category. Only when you appreciate how large this piece of the hospitality business is can you see why many properties may not rush to void those “accidental” charges.

There is no doubt that in-room adult entertainment is good business … some would say crucial. A coalition of 13 conservative groups (including the Family Research Council) that opposes the production and sale of porn (as if you couldn’t tell guess), estimates that adult fare accounts for 60 percent to 80 percent of all in-room entertainment revenue. Of course, it pays to be careful with this estimate, as these groups have a lot at stake in reporting high. More money from porn, from their perspective, translates to a proof of a larger societal problem, which helps advance their agenda. Given my research in this space, I’m inclined to accept the lower end of the spectrum, largely because of the management problems that have plagued the entire porn industry over the past few years.

Even the low end of the range is far from trivial. That’s a lot of cash every year in a very tough business. In fact, it’s enough that the hotel industry relies on it to remain profitable. According to JW Marriott, Jr. – yeah, that Marriott — “If we were to eliminate R and non-rated offerings, the systems would not be economic [sic].”

So, how much money is this?


Adult industry trade publication Adult Video News (NSFW) put the revenue from hotel porn at $550 million in 2006, the last year for which data is available. At around $15 a movie, that’s almost 37 million purchases, to which nobody will admit. But, you can see Marriott’s point. Hotels need every last dime from porn to keep their shareholders happy.

So, let’s take this a step further. Assume that you claim to have been charged wrongly. How can the hotel know? A source, who used to be the night auditor at a major Manhattan luxury hotel, told me that the majority of purchases were viewed for less than a minute.

Several other sources have chimed in – including a former Ritz-Carlton general manager – that the average run time ranges from seven to 10 minutes. Steven Silbar, who served as Director of Sales and Business Development of NXTV (which sells in-room entertainment), recalls that the average time an adult film was viewed through his employer’s system was 7.5 minutes (in 2001 and 2002). Even if a handful go from start to finish, this suggests many viewings of less than a minute.

Buying behavior could imply a case of buyer’s remorse, an unfortunate slip of the thumb or the remote, the absence of continued need (you know what I mean) or a technical glitch. Only two of these situations would call for a refund (the technical glitch and maybe the accident).

The choice to refund is made harder by the hotel’s obligations to the porn provider. Every time a movie is purchased, the cash you pay is split between the property and the supplier. The supplier then has to pay some of its share to the production company. And, none of these businesses is doing well in this economy. Porn has been in something of a recession since 2005.

Put simply, you’re more likely to get a comp’ed drink than a free movie, even if the drink is more expensive.

Hotels need porn. There’s no way around it. So, when you browse the adult listings – just to see what’s out there, of course – know where your finger is. If you slip, you could wind up paying the price.