Feds are tired of making you wait in security line

by Tom Johansmeyer on

The government doesn’t want to make you miserable! Seriously. The Department of Homeland Security wants faster airport screening just as much as you do. That’s why it supports a program for screening approved, low-risk travelers coming to the United States to most international airports. The new approach has been tested for more than a year at seven airports, and screening time dropped from 10 minutes to only three.

To participate in this program, you need to be either a U.S. citizen or permanent resident — and more than 14 years old. There’s a $100 fee (which is probably worth it), and you have to submit to a background check. If you’re accepted, the customs process when you get back to the United States won’t be so bad. If all goes well, the program will eventually be open to foreigners who come from countries that have a sufficiently solid screening process.

Now, DHS, is there anything you can do to speed up all those logjams at domestic security checkpoints!

EU rules on liquid carry-ons may become “fluid”

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Grab a drink, if you feel inclined … in Europe, at least. The European Union is getting ready to lift the ban on liquids in carry-ons. The target date is still pretty far in the future, because the technology the EU plans to use isn’t widely available yet. Originally, the prohibition was supposed to expire in April, but now it’s looking like no later than 2014.

Okay, so don’t rush to celebrate the change.

That being said, the EU’s transportation officials are pressuring the technology companies involved to move quickly.

The rules against liquids in containers larger than 100 ml and not in clear bags have been in effect for three years, after a terrorist plot was uncovered in Britain. The perps were planning to use liquid explosives in soda cans.

Now that everyone’s safe, we’re also free to gripe about what we can’t take on board – not to mention longer waits at security checkpoints. Progress may be slow, but at least it’s happening. Let’s give a nod to innovative thinking, with a technological solution being devised to give us back some of our time without compromising our security.

If you need action sooner, there’s a chance that the rules may be eased a bit for duty-free liquids bought outside the EU.

Ten products to avoid when passing through airport security

by Scott Carmichael on

The Transportation Security Administration spends millions of Dollars each year trying to inform airline passengers what to leave at home, and how to safely pack things.

We should all know by now that liquids come with restrictions, and that swords and other dangerous items will be taken away from you.

Now, these guidelines can be a little vague, so we have compiled ten products that will probably get you in trouble at the airport. Remember, this isn’t an open invitation to taunt the TSA!


The TSA absolutely loves offensive T-Shirts. And by “loves”, I mean hates.

Nothing is more entertaining at the airport checkpoint than a really insulting t-shirt. In fact, they love them so much, that they may have airport cops arrest you, and force you to wear a different shirt.

Yes – the T-Shirt picture above is real, and there is indeed a real site where you can order it. It’s just one of many really offensive shirts being sold at tshirthell.com. $19 will get you your very own very offensive shirt, and a chance at being Tasered at the airport.

Pick the blue wire

Harmless alarm clock, or surefire way to get pushed up against a wall with your legs spread. You feeling lucky enough to try and find out? (On sale at Amazon.co.jp for just under 3000 Yen).

This is actually an alarm clock that requires you to disarm it by plugging the wires in using a sequence shown by lights. It is made for people who have a bit of a hard time waking up in the morning.



Make your own bomb guides

Here is one that doesn’t cost anything more than a couple of pages of printouts.

If your bag is being searched, and the agent comes across a stack of “make your own bomb” guides, do you think you will a) make your flight or b) not make your flight. (Hint, pick B).

Dirty bomb emergency kit

I’m sure you could come up with 20 different reasons why you are carrying a dirty bomb nuclear decontamination kit in your luggage.

Sadly, none of those reasons will help get you back to the US mainland, and it is a really long swim from Gitmo. (Image from Nukepills.com, where this handy kit sells for $249.99).


Personal doomsday detonator

To you, this is just a 4 port USB Hub, to Mr. Officer, this is a bomb detonator.

If they find this, don’t make any sudden moves, and whatever you do, don’t flip the cover open to press the detonator button. (On sale at Thinkgeek.com for $39.99)


Designed for a really explosive wakeup call

I’m not an X-Ray specialist, so I have no idea how this will show up on the TSA screens. But somehow, I don’t think they’ll find it as funny as we do.

This is obviously a gag gift, so if you want to really piss someone off, gift wrap it, and tell them to open it once they reach their destination.

Yes sir – I’m just naturally curious about radiation and dirty bombs

Unless you have a student ID showing your related studies or an employee badge for a national lab, you’d better have a great story for the screener that finds these books.

They may look like harmless reading material to you and I (and they are), but $10 says any number of these titles will get you pulled aside for some extra special screening.

The fake grenade USB memory drive

These USB hand grenades probably won’t look too authentic on the X-Ray machine, but they’ll sure make for a funny gag when your bag is being searched.

And by funny gag, I mean pain in the ass. Security personnel don’t take too kindly to fake grenades, and if you catch them on a bad day, you may end up being involved in a terminal scrub. Other things to avoid are grenade replicas or disarmed grenades.


Nothing says “strip search” faster than rubbing bomb making products on your belongings

Ever had your belongings “swabbed”? The security agent will rub your laptop or other item with a swab, then stick it in an expensive machine that says “ping”.

At least, in most cases it should say ping, because when that red light starts flashing, it’s telling them you have bomb residue on the item. Know someone with a heart condition? Don’t borrow one of their patches to rub it all over your laptop. It’ll end badly for everyone involved.

Jacket + wires = fighter jet escort

It was back in 2004, back when everyone was a little more security aware than they are today. A Saudi woman was on board Delta Airlines flight 43, on its way to the US when it got flanked by fighter jets, diverted and forced to land. All because of a jacket with a couple of wires.

To the untrained eye, it looked like a suicide bomb jacket, to everyone else, it was just a winter coat with internal warming pads. Or how about airline passenger/tech student Star Simpson back in 2007 – her art project/fashion statement also combined wires, lights and batteries, and it nearly got her shot at Boston Logan airport. Of course, this idiot was also holding a piece of Playdough, so the combination really could have been a problem.


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Should first class passengers get a shorter line at security?

by Grant Martin on

In Boston’s Logan international airport, I recently witnessed a meltdown in the security line. A first class passenger was livid — furious because ordinary passengers were being directed into the shorter, elite x-ray lane by the TSA. For their part, the TSA were indifferent. All passengers are the same, they kept saying, as people shuffled past the ID checkpoint while the first class passenger stewed as he watched his x-ray line double in size.

That’s what first class passengers pay for though, right? Some airports have specific elite lanes, where depending on your paid fare or your elite status you can enjoy a enjoy a shorter wait at the checkpoint. Given the the absurd amounts of money and time that they devote to the airline, shouldn’t they be rewarded with faster passage?

Or, should first class privileges not apply to the security line? In a way, a shorter line at the ID check effectively lets these passengers cut in front of those that aren’t “elite.” That seems to be what these particular TSA agents were thinking — if they had their way, everyone would be in the same line and file through en masse.

What’s your take?

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Travel Alert: Clear Security ceases operation

by Grant Martin on

Just yesterday evening as I passed by the Clear Lane at Boston’s Logan International Airport, I saw my favorite employee and wondered how the business was doing.

The company, designed to allow passengers to pay to get around lengthly security lines, was formed on the concept that enough people would pay for the service to make the operation profitable. Now, it appears that that’s not the case — especially as people are trying to cut back during the recession.

Navigating to flyclear.com, browsers receive the following, solemn message:

“At 11:00 p.m. PST on June 22, 2009, Clear will cease operations. Clear’s parent company, Verified Identity Pass, Inc. has been unable to negotiate an agreement with its senior creditor to continue operations.”

It’s always sad to see a company fail, but in this case, it seems a bit more personal. Taking part in a review of the service earlier this year I distinctly remember meeting the Logan employees and writing positively about the experience. I wonder what they’ll do now?