Galley Gossip: The mile high club – a question and a story

by Heather Poole on

There’s a question I’m always asked whenever someone finds out I’m a flight attendant, a question that never ceases to amaze and simultaneously makes me cringe regardless of how often I hear it, a question about you guessed it – the mile high club.

“So…have you ever caught anyone joining the mile high club?” If it’s a single person doing the asking the question is usually direct and to the point, a just-the-facts-Ma’am kind of question, which I have no problem answering. But If it’s a couple doing the asking things can get a little creepy. Only because there’s always a quick glance at each other before the question is asked, followed by a nervous giggle between the words SO and HAVE, and a blush after the words MILE HIGH CLUB.

Now I actually began writing this post last month when someone going by the name of AlexaRPD asked the following question via twitter…

How many times have you caught people, uh, fraternizing in the bathrooms on one of your flights? Is there a standard, corporate policy about what to do with folks who get caught going at it on the planes?

That question led to a few tweets back and forth about flight attendants knocking and unlocking lavatory doors or hovering over guilty parties hiding under blankets. It didn’t take long before I realized all of this would eventually end up in a post. That post started out like this…

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Dear Alexa,

It’s been quite a few years since I’ve caught anyone joining the club. In fact, the last couple, a celebrity couple, I encountered exiting the lav looking a bit disheveled and not at all embarrassed have since divorced. Knowing what I know now, I’m not so sure they were even joining the club since they have a reputation for partaking of illegal substances. Joining the mile high club is not illegal. But that’s only if you stop doing whatever it is you shouldn’t be doing when you’re asked to stop doing it. Why? Because passengers are required by law to obey flight attendant instructions.

I had planned on writing more but for whatever reason became distracted and never finished the post. It happens. But a week later I found myself in a hotel in San Francisco not far from the airport. That’s where I turned on my computer, logged into twitter, and immediately received a few messages from three different followers about Alexa officially joining the club.

“No way,” I wrote back. “I don’t believe it.”

“She did! And she did it with three Marines! She wrote all about it on her blog!”

I could tell by the exclamation marks the guy was overly excited and needed a hard dose of reality. “I can barely fit in lav with my three year-old son, let alone another adult person,” I typed, my head shaking side to side. “How small were the marines?”

Out of nowhere Alexa tweeted, “I could care less if you believe me!”

“Cat fight!” several people tweeted at once.

“Send me the post!” I requested. Two seconds later a link popped up on my screen. I took a deep breath and clicked.

Yes, I really did read all about Alexa’s erotic escapade in an airplane lavatory with three Marines. Of course I read it purely for logistics, analyzing how something like this could have actually taken place in such a contaminated confined space without alerting other passengers or crew. Sure I was a little surprised to see myself, one of the flight attendants, briefly mentioned in the story. And relief actually swept over me when I realized there was some order involved. The Marines took turns.

Honestly, it’s really hard for me to believe that people actually are able (and want) to join the mile high club, especially in this day and age of air travel. Not just because the bathrooms are small, but because flights are full and people are almost always lined up to use the lavs. Whenever a passenger takes a longer amount of time than what might be considered normal, you better believe other passengers are quick to ask me to intervene.

knock, knock, knock – I’ll bang my fist on the door. Two seconds later I’ll ask, “everything okay in there?” Taking a deep breath, I pray that everything is, in fact, okay in there because I really don’t want to have to put my ear against the locked door and hear something I seriously didn’t want to hear.

Just when I thought I had finally finished with this post, I logged into twitter and typed, “Just finished the mile high club post.” Here are a few interesting responses…

  • I was once propositioned to join the club, but declined. The guy ended up buying me jewelry from the duty free cart instead. The good ole days!
  • I came uncomfortably close to joining in the lower lobe galley on a DC-10
  • I’ve never understood the ‘mile high’ club,as most seem to join in the lavatory. Do you know how dirty plane lavs are?
  • I’m a flight attendant and just had this discussion with some pax who were sitting across from my jumpseat!
  • If only the lavs were cleaner and larger
  • My advice for those considering is ONLY on the 777 with a passenger from your ticketed cabin – the loo between F and J – that’s ALL I’m saying

Don’t forget to check out the “G” rated mile high club!

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Photos courtesy of sparkypics (couple), Sagrado Corazon (flight attendant)

NYC best city for singles (if you own a computer)

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Looking for love lust on your next vacation? Your next trip should be to New York, which has knocked Atlanta out of the top spot as the best city in the country for singles. And, why wouldn’t it? You have more than 8 million people chasing their dreams, so the choices are endless. There’s one of everything, so in one night, you could meet every flavor of scumbag available. But, there’s an upside to all this variety, so don’t give up hope yet!

Atlanta fell to the sixth position, with Boston, Chicago, Seattle and Washington, D.C. occupying the second through fifth spots in this annual survey by Forbes.com. San Francisco, Los Angeles, Milwaukee and Philadelphia round out the top 10.

This is New York’s first time in the #1 spot, which evaluates 40 of the largest cities in the United States for “coolness, cost of living alone, culture, job growth, online dting, nightlife, and ratio of singles to the entire population.” Notably absent are: willingness of hot girls in that city to talk to you, cost of buying several drinks for someone genuinely out of your league and adult bookstores nearby to help you when you strike out yet again.

Well … I think New York would win on that one, too.

What pushed New York into the winners circle, apparently, was the number of people with online dating accounts. The city has more people hitting the web to scratch their various itches than any other city in the country.

Sexologist has carry-on inspected, TSA keeps cool

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Robocop sets off alarms. Of course, this “Robocop” is the nickname sexologist David Steinberg has for an 8-inch solid brass sex toy. Even a TSA official could see that one coming. This device was stored safely at home, but Steinberg’s bag of goodies still attracted inspector attention at the airport in Seattle.

For once, it may have been prudent to respond, “No,” when asked if the security official could inspect the contents of the bag.

An older, serious women had to sift through nipple clamps, a butt plug, condoms, personal lubricants and other implements of Steinberg’s trade. Truly a committed professional, her facial expression did not change during the entire ordeal. Some of the other passengers working their way through security took notice, undoubtedly thinking that these are the very devices the TSA uses if it summons you into one of those “special” rooms for a more thorough search.

Most of these professional tools are deemed fine for the flight, though a whip with a 6-inch metal handle doesn’t pass the test. The security guard claims it’s a weapon, probably not realizing that that isn’t its intent. I guess it could be used as one, though the owner correctly describes it as a toy (conveniently omitting the word “adult” from the exchange).

Encouraged by the suggestion that he check it as a separate piece of luggage, Steinberg dashed over to the ticket agent to make his move. She was a bit more aware of the device but declined an offer of explanation. The whip was checked successfully, and Steinberg went on his way.

So, the next time you pack your carry-on, remember to consider the contents carefully. Steinberg’s a comfortable pro, but you may not be ready to have your belongings put on display.

“Rule of 3” suffering in Thailand’s red light districts

by Tom Johansmeyer on

The bar girls in Patpong, a destination for so-called “sex travelers,” have a basic rule: three inches (duh), three minutes (duh), 3,000 baht (that’s around $87).This year, they can add another “3” to it, one third. That’s roughly how far tourism revenues are expected to fall in Thailand this year. A projected 35 percent drop means less business and less income in what is largely recognized as one of the most disreputable parts of the world.

Recessions are felt at every level. One local bar girl took a pay cut from $232 a month to $174. She had little choice, as customers are scarce. Regular customers are trimming back on their carnal habits, and foreign guests have fallen by around 20 percent.

And, it’s not just Thailand.

The Czech Republic, which has a fairly accepting attitude toward prostitution – 14 percent of check men have admitted to this sort of frolic – has seen up to half of the brothels outside Prague close in the past year. There have been layoffs, as well … even in Nevada. The famous Mustang Ranch in Reno has had to lay of 30 percent (another “3”!) of its workforce, thanks to high-rollers who aren’t spending as liberally.

As with more traditional destinations, travel deals are emerging, such as $111 for as much as you can consume in an hour at one location in Hanover, Germany. A club in Berlin is a bit more generous, with $98 for six hours – in addition to access to the sauna, solarium and a (food) buffet.

I’ll pass on the “stimulus package” joke. Too easy.

Vancouver hookers get media training for Olympics

by Tom Johansmeyer on

A magnifying class will be held over Vancouver from February 12 to February 28 for the Winter Olympics, and Vancouver’s prostitutes want to put their best feet forward. To prepare for the influx of business and – media onslaught – Prostitution Alternatives Counselling and Education Society (PACE) is helping the city’s sex worker population understand what to expect.

The Canadian agency is putting together a brochure that will help the local working girls understand how to handle requests for photos and interviews – and a general sense of what their rights are when dealing with society’s true vermin (the press). In addition to the pamphlet, PACE will hold a discussion session to bolster the printed lessons.

Congratulations, reporters: even hookers aren’t comfortable around you.

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