Being an archaeologist can be a tough job–hot weather, frustrating digs that don’t turn up any finds, dirty conditions. . .especially the dirty conditions.
A dig in the Danish capital Copenhagen has turned out to be dirtier than usual. Archaeologists excavating under Kultorvet Square have found two 18th century outhouses that are literally filled with historic faeces.
Kultorvet means “Coal Square” and was where people bought and sold coal. Now it’s a popular meeting place full of cafes and restaurants, as shown in this photo courtesy Leif Jørgensen. These historic toilets would have been used by coal vendors and buyers, mostly working class people. The privies seem to have been popular because both are heaped with the stinky stuff, and the local soil’s low oxygen levels have preserved it in a pristine state.
Wading through offal is good news for archaeologists. Old turds can tell a lot about the people who dropped them, like their diet and general health. One slow-witted Dane from days gone by even ate an apple core. It was found encased in his poop, having passed through his system whole after probably causing some indigestion.
A large subway expansion project has led to lots of archaeological finds in Copenhagen. If any more disgusting discoveries turn up, we’ll be sure to let you know.
Once SkyMall Monday headquarters became a den of premarital cohabitation, I was forced to learn the fine art of leaving the toilet seat down. It seems that women urinate while seated and, should the seat be up when they attempt to sit, they can fall into the bowl. As refreshingly hilarious as that sounds, it turns out that they find getting their buttocks stuck in the toilet to be humiliating and infuriating. Why, however, should men be forced to deal with the burden of lowering the toilet seat upon completion of their standing bladder evacuation? It seems to me that women need to take responsibility for their own needs and be in charge of lowering the seat when they need it. What happened to women’s lib? Thankfully, SkyMall is here to eliminate the issue altogether, thus bringing domestic peace amongst the sexes. It is no longer the man’s responsibility to lower the seat or the woman’s job to nag the man. From now on, the toilet will do all of the work thanks to the Touchless Sensor Toilet Seats.Who wants to touch dirty toilet seats? Plus, the constant raising and lowering of toilet seats puts unwanted stress on our wrists and elbows leading to a condition called Pisser’s Arm. No one wants to miss out on their bowling league because of a bathroom-related injury.
Think that lifting the toilet seat takes one second? Believe that this cliché argument between men and women is easily solved with a simple conversation and a little bit of compromise? Well, while you argue over whether the toilet paper roll should be hung overhand or underhand (the answer is overhand), we’ll be reading the product description:
Some men have a hard time remembering to put the toilet seat down after use.
Now the Touchless Sensor Toilet Seat is good news for your household. It raises the lid automatically as you approach the toilet.
Wave a hand over it one more time and the seat rises.
Then both the lid and seat close automatically 15 seconds after you step away. The unit is easy to install and because it’s touchless, it helps prevent germs and bacteria from spreading.
Clearly, waving your hand over the toilet like a wizard takes less time than lifting the seat manually. And, since you never clean your bathroom, it’s for the best that you never touch anything in there.
The product is made by the same company that solved the problem of always having to rip off a sheet of paper towel with our own bare hands, so it’s about time that they receive a Nobel Peace Prize for the domestic bliss that they have brought us.
If you’re curious about how this all works, check out the video below, which is the least erotic demonstration involving a toilet that I have ever seen.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.
Going to the bathroom on planes is never pleasant. In fact, doing your business anywhere in public can be nerve-wracking. Many public restrooms smell unpleasant and are filthy. Beyond that, there’s the embarrassment caused by the sounds emanating from our behinds and the ensuing odors created by the gastrointestinal festivities. There’s nothing more awkward than emerging from the stall after a particularly loud and aromatic session to find people at the sinks visibly traumatized by the experience. That’s why we only go number two at SkyMall Monday headquarters. We have a soundproof bathroom built two miles below ground inside a mountain. For those of you who didn’t have your facilities designed by a military contractor, SkyMall has just what you need to keep your bathroom business from becoming a public fiasco. The next time you have to use a public restroom to evacuate your bowels, be sure to bring along some You Go Girl!For those of you who think that women neither pass gas nor defecate, it’s time to grow up. All manner of things come out of women’s bodies and some of those events are more odoriferous than others. Unlike men, women do not celebrate the size, shape and pungency of their fecal trophies. In fact, women feel great shame when their number two is loud and noxious. That’s why they need a concealer.
Think that noises made by bodily functions are normal and healthy? Believe that we’re all mature enough to handle naturally occurring events without embarrassment? Well, while you suffocate in a port-o-potty, we’ll be reading the product description:
Reduce bathroom anxiety on airplanes, restaurants or at work with You Go Girl. Just pour a packet into the toilet before use to mask embarrassing odors, dampen sounds and eliminate splash. Biodegradable, phosphate-free formula is safe to flush, and each packet is small enough to carry discreetly in your purse, day bag or pocket, so you can feel confident taking care of business away from home.
Toilet splash is the 84th leading killer of women in public restrooms*. Eliminating this damp scourge is worth the $12.85 for a 10-pack.
Like you, I was baffled by how such a product could not only eliminate odor, but also dampen sounds and eliminate splash. Thankfully, the company has produced an informational video. Even more thankfully, that video utilizes computer animation. I trust that you will see the brilliance of You Go Girl! Of course, men do not need this product. Our farts sound like Lynyrd Skynyrd and smell like fresh baked apple pie.
* Maybe.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.
Wilbur Sargunaraj first became a viral hit with the YouTube video Love Marriage and has been called “India‘s first YouTube star,” making songs and videos combining the “funny foreigner” schtick of Borat with a Bollywood beat. Sargunaraj’s further projects have served to increase our “CQ” (cultural quotient) with “first class” videos like the informative how-to on using an Indian toilet.
For this new “Canada cool” video, Sargunaraj went up north to Ottawa, where it’s -40 degrees (fun fact taught to me by a Canadian: -40 is where celsius and fahrenheit meet!). He does a lot of Canada fun activities, like ice skating at the Rideau Canal and eating BeaverTails on Ottowa Street. Check out the video and leave us your comments: internet phenom or flash in the pan?
Thanks to Legal Nomads‘ Jodi Ettenberg for the video.
Two hours into a Tarmac delay, have you ever wondered why passengers aren’t allowed to be in the lav during taxi and takeoff? It’s actually got to do with the FAA rules for protecting a passenger during a potential crash — there have to be enough restraints in place to provide ample protection, and without a seatbelt and surrounding support a toilet-bound passenger could be in serious trouble in an emergency.
Seems like a reasonable restriction for commercial passengers, but what about high paying private passengers? Brazillian airframe manufacturer Embraer has your solution: seatbelts on toilet seats. The Phenom 100, Embraer’s very light business jet is just about to get approval from the FAA for toilet assisted take-offs and landings, meaning that luxury passengers wont have to move from their comfortable spot before leaving the Tarmac.
According to SeattlePi, current Phenom 100 owners will be able to upgrade their equipment later this year.
