Train In Vain: Four Days With A Pair Of Uzbek Prostitutes, Part One

Read parts 2, 3, 4 and 5 of this story.

After spending four sweltering, monotonous days on a dirty, cargo-laden train from Moscow to Bukhara, sharing a compartment with two Uzbek prostitutes, a Russian soldier and a capricious, alcoholic conductor prone to flashbacks from his days as a soldier in Afghanistan, I was more than ready to get off the damn train.

But there was no timetable and no one on board seemed to have a clue when we’d arrive in Bukhara, Uzbekistan, one of the Silk Road’s most evocative outposts. Some said it would be a matter of hours, but one man – a trader who sat on top of crates of fruit he was transporting – claimed we wouldn’t arrive for yet another day.

As I sulked in the crowded train corridor, gasping for the breeze next to a windowpane the drunken conductor punched out the night before, Aliya, one of the Uzbek prostitutes in my compartment, hustled up to me in a panic.

“David, it’s your stop, it’s Bukhara, quick, come get your suitcase!” she screamed.

I dashed back to the corridor, stepping over Tajik and Uzbek women in neon colored floral print dresses, and jumped up onto the top bunk to gather my belongings, when all of the sudden, Aliya, her friend Marina, and Dima, a Russian solider who had been traveling in the compartment with us, burst out laughing.

It was a joke. We weren’t in Bukhara, but rather some nondescript town in the middle of nowhere, an undetermined, unknowable distance from my destination. I had no map, no Internet access, and no clue. Why the hell hadn’t I booked a flight to Bukhara?

Twelve years ago, I took an epic, budget overland trip from Cairo to Shanghai that inspired me to join the Foreign Service, the only gainful employment I could think of that wouldn’t view such an experience as an unsightly gap on my resume. All these years later, I still think about that trip – the border shakedowns in Moldova, Georgia, and Armenia; having my passport seized by Chinese authorities in Xinjiang Province; and nearly losing the woman who would later become my wife – and recall how, in spite of the hardships, quitting my job to take that trip was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.But the trip seemed more like a tribulation than a vacation when I boarded a dilapidated, Uzbekistan-bound train in Moscow one brisk Monday morning in May, in the year 2000. There were massive women with gold teeth and blindingly colorful flowery dresses, hungry looking unshaven men who seemed to be in need of a drink, and scores of traders with cargo.

My compartment was equipped with four bunks, each replete with a set of mildewy sheets and stained pillows that clearly had not been replaced since the end of the Soviet era. Already settled into the compartment were three passengers including a non-uniformed Russian soldier named Dima along with two pretty young women, a brunette named Marina and a heavily made up blonde named Aliya. All three were in their 20s and heading home to Uzbekistan the long, cheap way.

Just as our ragged train pulled out, the provodnik (conductor) came in to check tickets; he paused for an eternity staring alternately at my ticket and me. Marina spoke English and interpreted for us.

“He wants to know why you not fly to Bukhara?” she said.

“Tell him I like taking the train,” I replied. “And besides, the 4,000-kilometer trip only costs $75. Who knows how much a flight is?”

After conferring with the provodnik, who introduced himself as Ermat, she interpreted his concerns.

“He thinks that this train maybe is not so good for you,” she said.

Within an hour of departure, I was beginning to think Ermat was right, as scores more traders boarded the train, stacking crates of cargo in every conceivable crevice of space. The pungent stench of body odor and rancid, decaying produce seemed to have seeped into my pores. I felt like a prisoner confined to a filthy sty for an unknowable period of time.

Once our battered old Soviet cast-off train was a few hours outside of Moscow’s grimly polluted outskirts, the lush greenery of the Russian countryside began to make a pleasant backdrop for the mob scene inside our train car.

Near the end of the first day, I bumped into a married couple in the jam-packed corridor that I’d shared a dormitory room with at a Moscow hostel over the weekend. Brian met his bride Sherry while teaching English in Taipei, and they were the only other Westerners on the train.

“A babushka in our compartment pissed herself!” he exclaimed, as a sort of greeting. “She’d been going at a big bottle of vodka and now she’s passed out, and has a big wet spot on her pants. Our whole compartment smells like piss.”

“So does mine,” I replied. “And we aren’t even drinking yet.”

The two young women in my four-bunk compartment were friends; Marina was heading home to Bukhara and Aliya back to Tashkent. Marina had large round chestnut colored eyes set against a beautiful dark olive complexion. Her eyelashes were about a foot long and were enhanced with lines of makeup pointing out towards her temples, giving her an exotic Asiatic beauty that seemed at odds with her full lips.

Aliya was also attractive, if a bit trashy. She had on a pair of tight black “Al Pacino Couture” Jeans and a halter-top that exposed a pasty white stomach. She spoke some English yet carried herself as though she were fluent. I was curious what the girls’ stories were; yet they gave me few clues.

“Were you two traveling together?” I asked.

“We were in the Middle East for two months,” Marina replied vaguely.

“Where? I asked.

“Bahrain,” she said.

“Two months in Bahrain? For work or vacation?” I asked.

The girls answered simultaneously yet with different replies; Marina said, “work,” while Aliya chirped “vacation.” But they were as curious about me as I was about them and they couldn’t understand why an American would take the train to Uzbekistan. For them, Americans were rich, and rich people could afford to fly.

The women were flirtatious, especially Aliya, and became more so after Dima, the Russian solider, showed them a photo album from a recent tour of duty in Chechnya. For some reason, seeing him and his buddies in uniform really impressed them and, before I knew it, Aliya and Dima were up on his top bunk together, whispering and giggling.

“Dima’s got a big one,” she squealed, in English at one point, laughing hysterically.

I took that comment as a cue to go for a walk, but later that evening my suspicion regarding their occupation was confirmed when Marina, her hands full, asked me to grab a lighter out of her purse. I couldn’t help but notice that there were several condoms and a massive wad of U.S. dollars in there. I went to sleep wondering how my girlfriend back in Chicago would feel knowing I was sharing a sleeping compartment with a pair of flirtatious Uzbek hookers.

This is a five part series. Read parts 2, 3, 4 and 5 of this story.

[Photos by Vokabre and www.courtneycarmody.com on Flickr]

A Fresh Air Fiend’s Moments of Travel Bliss

Freedom. That’s the whole point of travel, right? Travel is about untethering yourself from your comfort zone to satisfy your curiosity about what’s around the corner, or around the world. Done right, it can be incredibly liberating. But in the U.S., and increasingly around the world, risk adverse corporations, trigger happy lawyers and Big Brother can sometimes take all the freedom and liberty out of our travel experiences.

In May, I had two experiences on FSE, a small regional train line in Italy that reminded me how joyful travel can be when you have the wind in your hair and there are seemingly no rules. The first blissful ride was a short trip from Lecce to Otranto, in Italy’s heel.
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FSE trains are shorter and narrower than full size ones, so you have the feeling of being on a mini-train. On this day, there were only a few other passengers on board the three- or four-car train and we had an entire car to ourselves. It was a warm afternoon, and we were passing through a lovely landscape dotted with olive groves, palm trees and tiny little train stations where bored young men used hand crank machinery to shift tracks for passing trains.There were ten windows and I went through the car and opened every one of them as far as I could. I wandered about the empty car, reveling in the life-affirming breeze, which was blowing the train curtains to and fro. I occasionally popped my head out the window, just for the hell of it and because no one was there to tell me not to.

Italians hate open windows on a train, so I was well aware that someone might board the train and end my party at any moment. But it never happened, a few others joined us, but they left the windows open. I enjoyed the ride immensely; in fact, I didn’t really want it to end. But it also reminded me of how rare a commodity fresh air is in hotels, buses, trains and even some ferries these days.

Paul Theroux named one of his books “Fresh Air Fiend” and he could have been writing about me. Unless the weather is brutally hot, I love to be outside and I always want the windows open. But in the U.S., and other countries, it’s getting harder and harder to control one’s access to fresh air. Some hotels don’t let you open the window at all, and others let you open it just a crack.

This spring, I stayed at a Marriott in Zurich and our room had a dramatic view of the city with snow capped mountains as a backdrop. I called down to the front desk to ask them if I could have just one little photo op with the window open, but they wouldn’t budge.

“It’s for liability purposes,” the English speaker at the front desk said.

“But I won’t get that close to the open window,” I pleaded. “Look, you can even have someone hold my hands if you like.”

But it was no use – they refused to let me open the window, even to take a photo. At least in hotel rooms though, one can usually exert some measure of control over the room temperature, imperfect though those systems often are. On a sealed-shut train or bus with no ability to open the window, you are at the mercy of whatever the room temperature is. I’m always warm and my wife is usually cold.

The main reason I don’t like flying is the claustrophobia – there is limited space to move about and you obviously can’t open the windows to get some fresh air. But newer trains and buses are also becoming like flying coffins, where we are sealed shut and protected from both the elements and ourselves. In our cars, we can still put the windows down, at least for now, but the newer ones will squawk at you should you have the nerve to unbuckle your seatbelt, even for a moment.

You can almost always get some fresh air on a ferry ride, but even there you can occasionally be forced inside a sealed coffin. I was on a small ferry in very rough seas en route to the Greek island of Syros in June and the crew forced those of us who were on the deck to go inside when the going got particularly rough. I didn’t feel seasick on deck but inside the cabin with nothing but stagnant, warm air, my stomach started to churn.

And while the fresh air issue isn’t just a U.S. problem, we do seem to have more rules and regulations – many of them inspired by our lawsuit happy culture – that can make travel feel less spontaneous and fun.

I’m not a big drinker but when I visited the ancient Italian college town of Perugia this spring and saw all of the young and not-so-young people enjoying adult beverages in the squares, I wondered why we couldn’t allow the same here. We’re strict about public consumption of alcohol but our college students engage in more binge drinking than the Italians, who are free to drink from an earlier age and in public.

My second moment of travel bliss came on the same train, this time heading to Gallipoli. FSE conductors wear no uniforms, which gives the whole experience a rather casual vibe, and one of them invited my sons to come into his control room to blow the train whistle (see video).

My sons, ages 2 and 4, loved having an opportunity to push the button to blow the whistle and the conductor let them do it over and over again. But after they got bored with that, he actually let my 4-year-old take over the controls of the train for a minute or two (see video below). Now, he was obviously standing right there and could have taken over at any point if an emergency arose, but I just sat back laughing, thinking that there’s no chance that Amtrak would allow such fun and frivolity.

So here’s three cheers for hotels, trains and buses with windows that open, drinking in public and allowing 4-year-olds to drive trains. After all, these are the things that travel is all about.

Portugal To Vietnam By Rails: Are You Up For The Ultimate Train Challenge?

Last year, Michael Hodson and two travel blogger friends challenged each other to take on the world by train. For a month the bloggers traveled on separate routes from Lisbon, Portugal, to Saigon, Vietnam, on a competitive quest to conquer the longest continuous stretches of train tracks currently on the planet. The rails-only expedition was dubbed the Ultimate Train Challenge, and after the bloggers completed the trek, Hodson found he wanted to instill his competitive spirit – and love for travel – in others.

Recently, Hodson announced that the competition would take place again. Only this time, any travelers can take part in the challenge, which is being sponsored by Intrepid Travel, Eurail, Hostelworld and Urban Adventures. Anyone with the month of November free, a $425 entrance fee and additional cash to fund the trip can join in on the 15,000-mile expedition. During the challenge, participants are asked to each raise at least $500 for Blue Dragon Children’s Foundation supporting street children, children with disabilities, the rural poor and victims of trafficking in Vietnam.

Do you think you have what it takes to travel across Europe and Asia by rails?

[Photo by Libby Zay]

10 Apps To Help Pass The Time On Long Journeys

Backpacking my way through South America, I spent many hours – sometimes entire days – making my way from city to city via bus. Whether you’re taking a bus, plane or train, here are 10 great apps that work offline to help you pass the time.

Kindle

Kindle makes it easy to stay up-to-date with your favorite books, especially when it can be hard to find novels in your spoken language abroad. Just download the app, shop when you have Wi-Fi and then enjoy the books even when you’re without Internet connection. There are over 1,000 books in the Kindle store, as well as hundreds of newspapers, magazines, textbooks and PDFs. You can also sample the first few pages of books before buying, to decide if it’s worth the purchase.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad, Android and Blackberry. Free.Pocket

Formerly called Read It Later, Pocket allows you to save articles, images, videos and other online media to read later, whether you’re on or offline. This allows for hours of entertainment via various media forms, and can help make the time go by very quickly when spending hours on a bus, train or plane.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad and Android. Free.

Spotify Premium

A music-listening app, Spotify allows you to stream and listen to thousands of songs, and even listen to your favorite playlists when you’re offline. Simply switch “Available Offline” to the “on” position for any playlists you’d like to listen to when you don’t have an Internet connection. Offline users can also sync playlists containing any songs from Spotify’s selection to their smartphone, with the ability to sync tracks on up to three computers or smartphones at the same time.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad, Android and Blackberry. $9.99 per month.

World Travel Guide Offline Deluxe

World Travel Guide Offline Deluxe is an app that is specially suited for travelers. It allows users to browse information for over 20,000 travel destinations around the world through travel guides, itineraries, language guides and more. Best of all, it can be enjoyed while offline on a bus, plane or train. Research a current destination, or learn more about a place on your bucket list.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad. The first 50 pages are free. After that, you can purchase unlimited pages at a low cost. Android users can download a similar app by clicking here.

Word Mole

I’m obsessed with Word Mole on long journeys. Not only is it fun, but it exercises the mind. It’s kind of like Boggle in the sense that you need to make words with adjacent letters in order to gain points. However, with Word Mole you’re making words in a garden plot. If you use letters that aren’t touching any other letters, you’ll get a big hole on the board. Because the game is timed and requires some critical thinking, it’s also a good way to get some brain exercise in while killing time.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad and Blackberry. $0.99.

Flixster

Watching movies is one of the easiest and most entertaining ways to pass the time. Unfortunately, even when a film is showed on public transportation, it is rare that it’s a flick that everyone will enjoy – if it’s even in a language you understand. Flixster allows travelers to browse their Flixster Collections page, a free application where you can browse movies and shows from various sources. If the movie you want to watch offline is compatible, you’ll be able to watch it without an Internet connection.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad, Android and Blackberry. Free.

Ben Stein: It’s Trivial

The Ben Stein: It’s Trivial app is one of my favorites, as you can spend hours going through over 1,000 trivia questions in the categories of pop culture, sports, natural wonders and random Steinage. The game starts off easy and gets harder as you progress. Furthermore, answers are timed, adding an element of adrenaline. There’s also a bit of comedy, as the game includes quips and wry comments by Stein.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad and Android. $2.99.

Adobe Ideas

For art-lovers, Adobe Ideas allows users to “paint” masterpieces on their smartphones. You’ll be able to sketch using vector-based drawing tools, use an eyedropper to color with precision and work with 10 drawing layers. It’s also got some of the same features as Photoshop, for example, drawing over a photograph. Moreover, you can email your creative pieces to work on them again later.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad and Android. $9.99.

Fruit Ninja

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t love Fruit Ninja. It’s perfect for times when you don’t feel like thinking too hard, but want to pass the time. The object of the game is to chop as many pieces of flying fruit as possible by sliding your finger over the phone screen without hitting any spontaneous bombs. Certain fruits are extra points, as is slicing multiple fruits at the same time. It’s simple, but seriously addicting.

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad and Android. $0.99.

18,000 Cool Jokes

This app is extremely entertaining, especially on long journeys. You won’t need an Internet connection to laugh your way through 18,000 Cool Jokes, which includes numerous categories, like blondes, bar, dirty jokes, at work, business, foreigners, yo mama, military, travel and many more. You can also browse the top jokes of the day, week and month. To give you an idea, here is one of the cute – and PG – travel jokes from the app: “What steps should you take if you see a dangerous animal on your travels? Very large ones.”

Available on iPhone, iPod Touch, iPad and Android. $0.99.

Travel Hubs To Avoid For Memorial Day 2012

Holiday travel can be hectic, especially when it comes to transportation. Despite the potential to be a scary experience, AAA statistics show that 34.9 million Americans used plane, train and automobile transportation last Memorial Day. With this year expected to be just as crazy, Foursquare has compiled data from 20 billion users, to let travelers know what the busiest travel hubs are expected to be this Memorial Day.

Top 10 Busiest Airports:
Foursquare looked at the change in check in rates to airports vs. the same time window during the week prior to Memorial Day 2011 to compile these findings:

1. Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport
2. San Francisco International Airport
3. Chicago O’Hare International Airport
4. John F. Kennedy International Airport
5. McCarran International Airport (Las Vegas)
6. LaGuardia Airport (New York)
7. Denver International Airport
8. Boston Logan International Airport
9. Seattle-Tacoma International Airport
10. Newark Liberty International AirportTop 10 Busiest Train Stations:
Foursquare looked at the change in check in rates to train stations vs. the same time window during the week prior to Memorial Day 2011 to compile these findings:

1. New York Penn Station
2. Grand Central Terminal
3. Union Station (Washington, D.C.)
4. Chicago Union Station
5. 30th Street Station (Philadelphia)
6. Long Island Railroad Jamaica Station
7. Newark Penn Station
8. Union Station (Los Angeles)
9. New Jersey Transit Frank R. Lautenberg Secaucus Junction Station
10. New Haven Union Station

Top 10 Busiest Bus Stations:
Foursquare looked at the change in check in rates to bus stations vs. the same time window during the week prior to Memorial Day 2011 to compile these findings:

1. Port Authority Bus Terminal: New York, New York
2. South Station Bus Terminal: Boston, Massachusetts
3. Harbor Pointe and Shuttle Area: Anaheim, California
4. Boltbus Midtown Stop (34th Street and 8th Avenue): New York, New York
5. Megabus NYC Stop (West 31st Street): New York, New York
6. Megabus DC Stop (Union Square Parking): Washington, D.C.
7. Frankford Transportation Center: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
8. International District/Chinatown Station: Seattle, Washington
9. Hollywood Studios Bus Stop: Lake Buena Vista, Florida
10. Magic Kingdom Bus Stop: Lake Buena Vista, Florida

Top 10 Busiest Highways:
Foursquare looked at the change in check in rates to highways vs. the same time window during the week prior to Memorial Day 2011 to compile these findings:

1. Lincoln Tunnel: New York, New York
2. Bourbon Street: New Orleans, Louisiana
3. Lombard Street: San Francisco, California
4. Rodeo Drive: Beverly Hills, California
5. Huntington Beach: Huntington Beach, California
6. Long Island Expressway: Long Island, New York
7. Holland Tunnel Toll Plaza: Jersey City, New Jersey
8. I-95 on Georgia/South Carolina State Line
9. Brooklyn/Queens Expressway: Brooklyn, New York
10. I-95 on Florida/Georgia State Line

Top 10 Busiest Rest Stops:
Foursquare looked at the change in check in rates to rest stops vs. the same time window during the week prior to Memorial Day 2011 to compile these findings:

1. Delaware Welcome Center Travel Plaza: Newark, New Jersey
2. Maryland House Travel Plaza: Aberdeen, Maryland
3. Molly Pitcher Service Area: Cranbury, New Jersey
4. Lake Forest Oasis: Lake Forest, Illinois
5. Cheesequake Rest Area: Sayreville, New Jersey
6. Woodrow Wilson Service Area: Hamilton, New Jersey
7. Chesapeake House Travel Plaza: North East, Maryland
8. Grover Cleveland Service Area: Woodbridge, New Jersey
9. Charlton Service Plaza (Westbound): Charlton, Massachusetts
10. Des Plaines Oasis: Des Plaines, Illinois