Penis enlargement devices can be confiscated at the border says U.S. officials

by Jamie Rhein on

I once knew someone who had a penis ring. I never saw it, but I was told it was there. A friend of his told me. I won’t say who, but this friend is a trustworthy sort.

The kind of penis ring this fellow had, however, was not mentioned in this article about what sort of penis implements CAN be taken away at the U.S. border. At first, when I read the title of the article posted at Star-Telegram.com, I thought it might.

The penis ring that my friend’s friend sported was a piece of jewelry–like an earring, but different. The type of penis devices that are no nos are those that promise to enlarge the penis by constricting it with rings or stretching it using vacuums or weights.

There are not enough warning labels on the packaging or directions on how to use such devices says the FDA. The results that can happen because of misuse do not sound fun. Gangrene, for example. For this reason, these items can be confiscated if someone tries to bring them into the U.S.

I’m sure the FDA would frown on the antics of the guy who pulls a car with his penis.

I wonder how big the collection of such devices will be as border officials scoop them up? Another friend of mine once had an idea to make artwork with all the nail clippers that TSA once confiscated. Artwork out of penis devices would be real conversation starters.

This article also reminds me of that old Mae West joke, “Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

Or that Austin Powers scene where he is going through customs with Elizabeth Hurley. What does he have in his bag? A Swedish penis enlarger. Here’s the scene. (Thanks, Scott for sending it to me.) If you want to read the FDA guidelines for yourself, here they are.

Latest accident at Six Flags is another safety reminder

by Jamie Rhein on

Perhaps it’s the word amusement that helps make amusement park accidents seem so devastating. The latest accident I heard about on the news tonight is too awful to imagine and is a reminder to go over safety lessons with teens over and over and over again.

As a parent of a teen, I know that the diatribe of safety lessons may not actually keep my daughter that much safer, but what else is a parent to do? Children get past the point where we hold their hands as they go from one ride to the next.

When they are little, we snap photos as they go in circles on rides that only go in a slow circle. Police cars, motorcycles, boats, fire engines–all with fake wheels and steering wheels that follow each other around and around. We wave at our children and they wave back, thrilled each time they come closer to us and then move further away until they stop and they are with us once more.

Then, the children who were once content to be at an amusement park with us–their parents, are chomping to go off on their own and we let them. We tell them the warnings. We tell them what not to do. We say, “Be careful.”

Mostly they do.

But when they don’t, it can become a nightmare.

Saturday a young man didn’t heed the warnings and set off over fences of the restricted area of the Batman roller coaster at Six Flags Over Georgia in Atlanta to retrieve a baseball cap. That’s one of the theories of what he was doing there where the ride could hit him.

The force was so great that he was decapitated. [see CBS News article.]

I have never told my daughter to not jump a fence at an amusement park. It’s one more item for my list. Maybe it will do some good.

Here is a page from the Web Site Safer Parks that details risk factors for various types of rides to help you and yours be safer this summer if you are heading to an amusement park.

Also, here’s a post Justin wrote in June last year about other ride accidents that points out the importance of safety.

The story that created a buzz in an ESL class

by Jamie Rhein on

Most days when I walk into the semi-beginning adult ESL class I teach twice a week, the start of class conversations are the basic, “Hi, how are you? Great to see you.” There’s nothing too fancy. At this level, there’s not enough vocabulary to have many detailed conversations beyond day to day activities. Today, though, one of my students wanted to know which countries I’ve been too. When I rattled through the countries of Europe and hit on on Austria, his eyes widened and he sat forward.

“Did you hear about the man? basement? daughter? he wondered. He read about the story of the man who kept his daughter locked up in the basement for 21 years and had seven children with her. My student was aghast and felt like talking.

His reaction prompted a conversation with everyone–a mix of Somalis, three Mauritanians, someone from Poland and someone from China. Everyone’s reaction was the same. How in the world could such a thing happen, and how awful. A great command of English wasn’t necessary to talk about a universal no-no. In a class where many people don’t know much about popular American culture where our news swirls –Britney who? Brangelina who? — this particular world news story hit a nerve.

Weird became a vocabulary word of the day. Aberration would have been a bit complicated. In a world where, sometimes, it might be hard to find a common thread, there are some things everyone agrees on.