The world is filled with miracles. The problem with miracles, however, is that they happen so infrequently and with no explanation.
Generating miracles used to be impossible. You can lead a horse to a narwhal, but you can’t make them produce a unicorn. With so much pain and suffering in the world, we’re running severely low on miracles. Waiting around for the universe to produce them is no longer a viable option. We need to start churning out miracles like we did Model T’s and machine guns during the Industrial Revolution. Thankfully, there’s a force greater than all of us that heard our cry for help. A higher power that answered our prayers. An authority that peddles its miraculous wares so that all of us may benefit. That’s right, SkyMall is here to help us.
Here at SkyMall Monday, we have a particularly favorite miracle that we’d like to see more of. Of course, it’s the rainbow. If it were up to us, we’d have a daily double rainbow (and an unlimited supply of Skittles). Now, however, we can generate a rainbow whenever we damn well please thanks to the Solar Powered Rainbow Maker.Forget all the hogwash you’ve heard about leprechauns and pots of gold. Rainbows aren’t part of a sound financial strategy. Rainbows exist solely to distract us from the ills of the world. They give us a moment of quiet reflection. They allow us to pause, take a deep breath and remember that it probably rained recently. The ability to generate a rainbow at our leisure has always alluded us. Until now.
Think that man should not attempt to play God (or scientist)? Think that rainbows should not be devalued by rainbow inflation? I bet you want me to shut down my centaur mill. Well, think about all those orphaned centaur foal while you read the official product description:
All the Color without any of the Rain! — You don’t have to be Dorothy or Pollyanna to appreciate beauty in the ROYGBIV…The genuine Swarovski crystal attaches to your window with a suction cup, and rotates as it refracts sunlight to create a swirl of rainbows. — This makes a great conversation piece and an intriguing scientific wonderment for all ages!
People love outdated literary references almost as much as they love miracles. If I had to list the things that people loved the most, I would order them like so: 1) rainbows, 2) suction cups, 3) intriguing scientific wonderment, 4) conversation pieces, 5) Austrian crystal and 6) hyphens. In other words, the Solar Powered Rainbow Maker is a bigger collection of love than that orgy I attended at the Y.
We all live busy lives. Waiting for miracles just isn’t an option. Like movies, miracles need to be on demand (and enjoyed with overpriced popcorn and Sour Patch Kids purchased at the drug store that we then smuggled into the theater). Have your miracles on your schedule with the Solar Powered Rainbow Maker.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.