Gadling Gear Review: Heat Holders Socks

I suffer terribly from cold feet; it’s why I don’t cheap out on socks. It’s also why I have one of those electric heater mats on the floor under my desk (a gift from my mate who sometimes just nails the gift giving with weird yet supremely likeable prezzies). Socks are way low on the scale of glam gear down with quick-dry underwear and refillable three ounce bottles, but they’re essential, and having warm feet can really make the difference between a lousy day or a good one.

Because of my terminally chilly paws, I was keen to see if Heat Holders are any better than the merino brands that stuff my sock drawer (SmartWool, IceBreaker, Dahlgren, and Darn Tough Vermont) at keeping my feet warm. (I am a fan of good socks, you may have guessed.) The short answer? Well, sort of.

I have a strong preference for natural fibers, it’s a “less plastic stuff” thing. I’m not totally naive; I do know that sometimes, the synthetics are the way to go. I’m just not that keen to spend a couple of hours waxing a canvas raincoat because I want to go with heavy cotton over far superior modern materials like GoreTex or PolarTech. Heat Holders are an acrylic poly blend; there’s nothing particularly natural about them.

They feel fine, though. They have a deep pile fleecy inside, they’re kind of cuddly, furry, even, a little bit like the inside or your lambswool slippers. (No, I don’t have those. The husband does and they’re sweet.) Outside, they’re, uh, a little plastic-y. I’ve been spoiled by merino, which I tend to prefer. But it’s the outside of the sock, who cares?

Here’s my issue with these socks. They’re really bulky. All that fluffy really does work to keep your feet warmer, and they’re great for sleeping in. But I couldn’t get them in most of my shoes. I’m not totally sold on the idea that adding bulk is the best way to stay warm. I get it — loft is how you hold heat and the loft that these socks somehow manage to provide, even after a full day’s wear, works. They worked great in my wellies, which are a little big, but I couldn’t wear them with many of my other winter boots. I’m wearing mine around the house and with my rain boots out in the wet, but for travel? Nope, too bulky.

The marketing text on the elaborate packaging says that these socks are “seven times warmer than your basic cotton sock.” That’s probably true. But I’m not sure they’re seven times warmer than some of the wool or alpaca fiber socks I’ve got, and that’s a more useful comparison.
Heat Holders socks come in a few styles: stripey, long, and in a slipper sock. Their original sock goes for just just under $20.00.

SkyMall Monday: The Siamese Slanket

On October 13, 2008, SkyMall Monday was born. On that day, I selected a very special product to be the first offering featured in this column. It wasn’t the SkyRest Travel Pillow, the Time Mug or even the Baseball Bat Pepper Grinder that I love so much. No, the product that kicked off this little operation was none other than The Slanket, the original blanket with sleeves. Forget all the commercials that you’ve seen for the Snuggie and how adorable you think that dog Snuggie is. They’re nothing but cheap knock-offs of The Slanket. The Slanket’s so amazing that even mythical beasts rock it at parties. But what happens when you finally find that special someone and you’re no longer content being alone on the couch with your Slanket and a sloppy gyro? You need to be ready for the day when you actually fool someone into thinking that you’re a functional member of society who can provide for her and sometimes let her out of the basement. Well, when that happens, you can keep her warm and, more importantly, close to you, by wrapping yourselves in the Siamese Slanket.A wise man once said, “Sharing is caring.” I couldn’t agree more. I’ve seen too many relationships end because a selfish man lounged cozily on the couch while his lover languished, freezing to death, on a nearby recliner. The distance between them, both physically and emotionally, eventually tore apart their relationships at the seams. Avoid suffering that same sad, pathetic fate by being both intimate and warmed with your mate in a single garment. 1 blanket + 4 arms = 2 souls 4ever. I think. I was awful at algebra. Do the arms and souls cancel each other out? Shoot. Can I borrow your slide rule?

Anyways, I’m going to deviate from protocol a bit here and eschew the use of the SkyMall product description. Instead, I cede the floor to the distinguished folks at the official Siamese Slanket website:

If passion was a Slanket, it would be this color…maybe passion IS a Slanket. Slide into one and find out.

If rhythm is a dancer, then it’s perfectly logical that passion is a Slanket. I can only assume that after you slide into a Slanket you will then slide into your lady’s, you know, um, vaaaaaaaaaacation plans. Yeah, let’s say vacation plans.

In this instance, they are referring to the Ruby Wine Siamese Slanket. Ruby Wine somewhat alludes to a color. Limoges, on the other hand, is a city in France and a type of porcelain. In the world of the Siamese Slanket, however, it is also a shade of blue.

So, pick up your Canadian supermodel girlfriend at the airport (being sure to shield her with your Double Umbrella), take her home to your hovel and show her how much you love her by keeping her no more than two inches from you at all times. Be sure to insist that she asks you for permission to use the bathroom (and for the love of all that is holy, let her out of the Siamese Slanket when she needs to pee and/or poop). And, if you really want to take your relationship to the next level, wear your Siamese Slanket during a three-legged race. Assuming you’re dating someone at a sleepaway camp or company picnic.

It’s time to grow up and share your life with someone special. Show them that you’re ready to make that commitment by giving up all sense of personal space. Pick up a Siamese Slanket and start getting fat together today!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.