Welcome to the US…now bend over

The State Department has posted on the Web
this video of Colin Powell that explains the new visa
policies and procedures for visitors to the United States. Apparently, Cat Stevens missed the video, and so I hope
my linking to it prevents other singer/song writers from thinking they can just come here on a whim. In the video,
Powell lists all the requirements asked of foreign visitors:

Powell: Stricter security measures require that your application undergo a more thorough inspection than in the
past. At your interview, your two index fingers will be scanned by a special, inkless digital scanner. Your left
index finger, then your right index finger.

But also you will need:

a valid passport, your visa application, a receipt for your application fee, and one photograph. In addition, you
may need to present documents to assist you in demonstrating personal ties to your home country, such as proof of
employment, your financial status, property ownership, as well as the reason for your visit to the United States.

Whew. Is that all? Nope:

You may be asked to bring personal financial documents.


As a visitor to the United States, you must demonstrate that you intend to return home by providing information
about your ties to your country, including your financial and employment status.

Oh, you’ll also be asked to perform 100 jumping jacks while clapping and chanting “America rules, but I must soon go
home to my crappy country.”

Poor, sad visitors who just wanted to visit Disneyland.