Palin to Explore Inside of Cruise’s Head

Monty Python alum Michael Palin and a BBC documentary crew will embark later this Spring on a 21 day expedition through the folds and recesses of actor Tom Cruise’s brain. Hot off the success of travelogues which have taken Palin Pole to Pole and Around the World in 80 Days, the British actor has made a career of journeying to locations so remote that many people don’t believe they even exist. The trek through Cruise’s brain will continue this exciting trend.

“God knows what we’ll find in there,” Palin speculated last month at The Explorers Club in Manhattan, “but we are completely prepared.” The team, for example, will be equipped with sophisticated GPS technology to navigate Cruise’s ego, an enormous wasteland that defies scientific explanation by continuing to inflate at alarming rates. In addition, Palin and company will all be wearing heavy-duty galoshes. “Initial reconnaissance reports indicate that 90% of Cruise’s brain has turned to knee-deep mush since the Katie Holmes affair,” warns Palin. “So we’re not taking any chances of slipping in the muck and disappearing forever into the deadly crevice of the corpus callosum.”

Palin’s greatest hope on this journey is to experience a Dr. Livingston moment by tracking down the reclusive L. Ron Hubbard who has reportedly been squatting in the depths of Cruise’s cerebral cortex for the last ten years now.

Certainly the most dangerous part of the journey will be navigating the narrow passageways of the hypothalamus where massive neurohormonal fluctuations can unexpectedly send Cruise’s brain into Mexican Jumping Bean mode. The mere sight of a couch can set off this dangerous sequence of events and if Palin happens to be anywhere near the hypothalamus when it erupts, it will be the last we hear from this great British explorer.