Prude Paris Bans Boobs

Sacré bleu!

It’s the end of civilization as we know it when the French start getting prudish and begin covering up their scenic domes and Eiffel Towers.

A new decree just passed by the city of Paris prohibits “nude sunbathing, g-strings and toplessness” within city limits. Although legal elsewhere in France, the city government was getting concerned about the amount of flesh busting out on the banks of the River Seine.

Every summer truckloads of sand are deposited here to create an artificial beach for over-cultured Parisians longing for some simple, sun-worshiping hedonism. Some have apparently carried this hedonism a bit too far.

One city official told Le Parisien that such public display of Parisian accoutrements might lead to “temptations and dangerous behavior on the banks of the river.” As a result, those who snub the new decree must pay a 38 euro ($48) fine.

This is simply tragic and undermines everything that the French Revolution and its rally cry, “Liberté, égalité, toplessness” has stood for all these years.