Red Corner: Shooting Plastered Bears

Sometimes people travel to kill things. For those that enjoy doing so, one of the most attractive creatures to dispatch is a bear.

And so, when Juan Carlos, the King of Spain visited Russia recently, that is exactly what he wanted to do. The Russians, however, were concerned that the foreign dignitary might travel all the way to Russia and fail to score a kill. This would be an affront to his manhood and bad PR for Russia’s bear shooting industry.

So, the Russians decided to help King Carlos in his quest. In the old days, the Soviets would have put a dissident in a bear suit and gave him a 2-minute head start. But this is the new and improved Russia. Local officials allegedly took a caged bear (perhaps from a zoo? This is unclear) and fed him a roofie: a load of honey spiked with copious amounts of vodka.

Mitrofan (yes, the bear even had a name) was then flushed from his cage and into the gun sights of King Carlos, who proudly dropped him with a single shot.

Aw yes, the thrill of the hunt! Doesn’t it just make your heart pound with excitement?