40-year-old Günter Smechklepants has finally discovered the legendary Map of Tasi which has eluded his dogged pursuit for more than two decades.
Smechklepants has been searching for the map since early high school when he first heard reports of its existence. “Some of my friends claim to have seen it,” he told reporters yesterday, “but I was always pretty certain they were lying.”
Since learning about the map, Smechklepants devoted most of his waking hours to tracking it down. Neighbor Gary Finderbender, had his doubts, however. “He hardly ever left the basement of his mom’s house; you can’t find the map of Tasi without venturing into the unknown.”
Ironically, it was the high-speed internet connection in his mom’s basement that led to the discovery of the map. Early last year, Finderbender began concentrating his efforts online, seeking out contacts and information which would eventually lead him to his ultimate goal.
Success came late last night when AbleBody123, an online acquaintance who claimed to be in possession of the fabled map, agreed to meet him at a local Motel 6. Unlike other prospective leads Smechklepants has pursued in the past, AbleBody123 proved to have the genuine article, which was eventually revealed after half a bottle of wine and an awkward conversation.
Success at last!