Unemployed Indian youths will be trained to sterilize agressive monkeys with lasers

No, this isn’t a story from The Onion.

It’s a perfectly reliable piece of news, in fact. I considered not writing anything else and letting the headline above do the talking, but there’s just too many jokes to pass up.

A North Indian state recently unveiled plans to teach kids to run around zapping monkeys with lasers, rendering their reproductive organs useless. Rendering the monkey’s reproductive organs useless, that is — we can only hope the kids don’t point them at their friends.

This is an answer to two problems: sterilizing wild monkeys, and dealing with unemployment. Laser-wielding kids would be paid for their efforts at a rate which, I can only hope, is based on the number of monkeys they singe. Conservationists are, of course, concerned. And they probably should be.

This sounds like a great video game in the making. I’d call it, “Zap that Horny Monkey!” or “Don’t laze me, bro!”

(This story goes GREAT with Neil’s When Monkeys Attack videos, by the way.)