Big in Japan: How to get down and dirty in a Love Hotel

Today’s posting is rated R for strong sexual content. Viewer discretion is advised.

There is no shortage of the weird, the wacky and the wonderful here in Japan. Indeed, you’ll find strange, strange things in the Land of the Rising Sun that have no real equivalent in the West.

For instance, Japan is world-famous for its love hotels (???????????????, rabu hoteru), a special type of short-stay hotel that puts North American hourly motels to shame. When you want to get down and dirty with a special friend, yet secrecy is of the utmost importance, head to a love hotel. Here, you’ll find that entrances are discreet, interaction with staff is minimized and cash changes hands without so much as eye contact.

And of course, while hourly motels in North America have a certain lewd stigma to them, Japanese love hotels are fanciful affairs. Both inside and out, love hotels have romantic and oh-so kitschy themes to help you set the mood, and there’s no shortage of added perks to help you enhance your love-making. Indeed, you’ll find pretty much anything your heart (and loins) desires in a love hotel, from rotating beds and mirrored ceilings to sex toys and S&M gear.

On that note, I present to you a quick and easy how-to-guide for getting down and dirty in a love hotel…

Step 1: Find the lucky Japanese girl or guy.

This is a whole separate post in itself, but might I suggest partying in any of the bars and clubs in Tokyo’s famous entertainment district of Shibuya. This is a good place to start your night of love and lust, especially since it’s close to Dōgenzaka (道玄坂), home to the aptly named ‘Love Hotel Hill.’ Which of course brings us to…

Step 2: Find the right hotel.

Love hotels are garish buildings often distinguished by tacky neon lightings, small or covered windows and occasionally bizarre shapes like castles, boats and even UFOs. Once you find one that suits your fancy, keep in mind that love hotels offer a room rate for a rest (休憩, kyūkei) as well as for an overnight stay. The period of a “rest” varies, typically ranging from one to three hours, while overnight stays only become available after 10pm.

Step 3: Get down to business.

Inside the love hotel, you’ll be prompted with a digital screen containing pictures of the various pleasure quarters . After choosing your selection, pay the proprietor behind the frosted glass, take the keys and get to it! Even if your romantic rendezvous was somewhat spontaneous, take comfort in the fact that most rooms in love hotels come stocked with condoms in all shapes, sizes and sometimes flavors. And, in case you’re feeling a bit kinky, most rooms stock ‘extras’ that can be purchased for a small fee.

Step 4: Party like a rock star.

The best part of staying in a love hotel (aside from the random sex) is enjoying all the extra perks you’ll find in the room. Feeling a bit unclean? Take a Jacuzzi with your partner in crime. Want to stretch your vocal range? Turn on the mic and belt out some karaoke. Want to ignore your date and do some gaming? Fire up the Nintendo Wii or Sony Playstation. Want to get hammered? Raid the mini-bar and pass out in drunken delight.

Step 5: Do the walk of shame.

Again, this is a whole separate post in itself, but depending on the visual quality of your date, you might want to make a quick exit in the morning. Trains in Tokyo start running around 6am, though you can always jump in a cab if your beer goggles were a bit fuzzier than usual.

On that note, feel free to post any good stories of lustful trysts you care to share with all of us in the online world! (^^>”

** Images courtesy of the WikiCommons Media Project **