SkyMall Monday: Cruzin Cooler

Fire. The Wheel. Airplanes. Bacon. Until recently, it was unanimously agreed upon by all the peoples of the world that these four items were man’s greatest discoveries and inventions. But, in this week’s SkyMall Monday, we learn that those things have all taken a backseat to the single greatest invention ever. A device that will save more lives than the polio vaccine and penicillin combined. Ladies and gentlemen, please gaze in wonderment at the Cruzin Cooler.

Of all the problems faced by the human race, perhaps none had stumped scientists more than how one could transport a heavy bin filled with beer and sandwiches. In fact, the brew/cold cut/lifting paradox had befuddled experts for myriad generations. And with every passing year, more and more people had soreness in their backs and slight cramping in their hands from carrying these deadly boxes. We all wondered, “When will this nightmare end?”

Finally, American ingenuity has defeated this silent killer. Now, only your imagination and 500 watts of power limit where you and your Mike’s Hard Lemonade can go. It truly is the dawn of a better day. Move over grandpa. We’re the greatest generation now.

Let’s take a gander at the product description to really understand the magnitude of what we’re dealing with here:

Perfect for football games, camping, golf & grocery store trips, this motorized ice chest holds up to (24) 12-ounce cans of your favorite beverages, and thanks to a built-in motor, you can travel at up to 13 miles per hour while sitting on a comfortable padded seat.

That’s right, folks. It’s perfect for the grocery store and not at all conspicuous. And, after enjoying some of your “favorite beverages,” what could possibly go wrong at 13 miles per hour with no safety restraints?

For more information, I recommend that you check out the official Cruzin Cooler website that is not at all too busy and looks totally modern. Then purchase yours so that you finally won’t need your mom to drop you off at the beach to hang out with your friends.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.