New York City MTA helps commuters lie to bosses

There are lots of valid excuses for being late to work. Your power was out so your alarm clock failed to go off. Your kid was sick and you had to take him to the doctor. You passed out at the brothel and didn’t have money for a cab. The problem with all of those excuses is that you have no way to prove to your boss that you’re telling the truth. But validating your tardiness just got simpler if you take the subway in New York City.

According to the New York Post, the New York City Metropolitan Transportation Authority (MTA) is going to start emailing commuters notes to provide to their bosses to verify subway delays that may have caused late arrivals. The New York City Transit division has long provided notes to commuters but required individuals to call a customer service number and then wait upwards of two weeks to receive a letter in the mail. These notes detail what lines the commuter claimed to have been using and any reported delays during the specified times.

In an effort to modernize, the MTA will soon allow commuters who were inconvenienced by subway delays to submit an online form and then receive an expedited email response. They hope to have the online system up and running by mid-2009. Currently, 34,000 people per year contact the MTA for notes to prove that they didn’t simply oversleep due to the heavy drinking that they rely on to help them cope with their mind-numbingly droll lives.

As a NYC resident who relies on the oft-delayed subway system, I’m looking forward to the ease of use of this new online system. Granted, my habitual tardiness can only been blamed on pathological use of the snooze button and a penchant for long morning showers that involve a good cathartic cry. But all my boss needs to know is that the F train got held up because of sick passenger. Everyone’s just more comfortable with that story.