SkyMall Monday: Comfort-U Pillow

Imagine this romantic evening: You dine by candlelight. Roses fill the room with the pungent aroma of love. Afterward, you slip into your sexiest lingerie and surround yourself with silky rose petals. It’s time to turn off the lights and get busy with your special someone, right? Well, only if you have a special someone. Why can’t you have this romantic evening all by your lonesome? Why do you have to rub it in that I am all alone, jerk? There’s nothing wrong with flying solo while still enjoying the art of seduction, and SkyMall Monday is here to show you how. This week we feature a revolutionary breakthrough in the art of romance. Because there’s nothing more sensual than spooning by yourself, we bring you the Comfort-U Pillow.

Sure, you may think that it requires two people to have a proper romance (yes, I said two people, you crazy polyamorists), but why can’t you enjoy an erotic evening by yourself? The Comfort-U Pillow provides you with all the companionship that you need. It molds to your body, exhibiting a willingness to compromise that no lover ever would. It’s machine washable, so it’s clean, unlike those losers you always meet at the bars. And it doesn’t judge you for sleeping with a rose in your hands like that one guy did after he found your diary and read it while you were in the bathroom. He just didn’t understand you!

As always, I’ll defer to the product description to fully convince you that you need this product:

Has two openings to add a hot or coldpack where needed. You’ll awake feeling refreshed and pain-free to start your day!

Now, usually I prefer my sleepmates to have three openings, but two will suffice in a pinch (I also like pinching).

I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but if you’re sleeping in a bed with another human being instead of alone on a U-shaped pillow with a rapidly dying flower, well, you’re just an idiot. Order the Comfort-U pillow, call your florist, and stock up on Ben & Jerry’s. You really are a winner!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.