Galley Gossip: A letter from a frequent flyin’, two-timin’, cheat!

Dear Airline,

I remember the first day we met. It was love at first flight. We’ve shared countless hours together- oh the places we’ve gone. It’s been bumpy at times, but I always stuck up for you when people called you old and grumpy. I even stuck by you when you dropped service to Providence, my home town! But lately something has changed. You don’t treat me the way you used to. You started charging me for every little thing, even the things we used to enjoy for free. And now when I fly you, you seem to always be tired and give out on me before we even get anywhere. You’ve even gotten skimpy with the meals.

Well now there’s someone else. I won’t lie. Why you ask? Because she’s not falling apart. Her meals aren’t as good as yours, and sometimes I really DO miss your salty nuts, but the temptation is there. I know what you’re thinking, it’s that she can offer me the updated MD88 AND the MD90…and you can’t! It’s true, you’re right.

Maybe there’s still a chance for us- let’s fly it out. How about a day trip together. How about a nice double mad dog Chicago turn on my next day off? Lunch and Dinner on YOU? Maybe some wine? Let me know!

An “ex” frequent flier

Dear “ex” frequent flier,

I’m not the only one who has changed. Putting the blame on me is just so typical. There you sit with your salty nuts moaning and groaning about everything I do, meanwhile you haven’t put a hand in your pocket for years. You flew the lap of luxury for the cost of a coach ticket over the last ten years, never once thinking about how I’m always able to give, give, give and never ask for anything in return – other than your loyalty. As with every relationship something has to give!

While you continue seeking out the other carriers, always looking for a shinier, newer, prettier, airplane, I continue to fly the same routes day in and day out with every one of my seats occupied. Haven’t you noticed that others still find me attractive and whenever you leave someone is quick to take your place?

A new airline doesn’t always have more to offer, ya know? Don’t you realize that regardless of the color of my paint, the order in which you board, or the snacks I serve, when it comes down to it we’re all pretty much the same? That whenever you stray, you’re just trading in one set of problems for a whole new set – many times an even worse set! So please, for the love of God, show a little respect and stop blatantly checking out the competition. It only makes me feel worthless, unimportant, and unloved – after all we’ve been through together! Seriously, how long do you think I’m going to just sit at the gate and wait for you to come to your senses? And do you actually believe I’ll accept your apology when you come crawling back for more? Because we both know you will. You always do.

Instead of flying it out, why don’t you keep flying your new sweet little airline. Honestly, I can’t wait to see how long that lasts. I’ll bet money your little airline goes bust and you find yourself back on the road to qualifying miles. Sooner or later you’ll learn all that glitters isn’t gold, and then you’ll be right back to what you know. Yeah, I may be old and I may even be a little grumpy at times, but I still have what you want; cheap flights, decent service, and more routes than that new airline of yours!


The Old Airline.

P.S. Just because she says she’s a virgin doesn’t mean she is!

Photos courtesy of Telstar Logistics and Ack Ook