In honor of Gadling’s celebration of all things wine, we’re re-posting a classic SkyMall Monday that originally ran on May 25, 2009. There are other wine-related products on SkyMall, but none deserve the appreciation that this one merits. It also happens to be one of my favorite SkyMall products of all-time. Enjoy and cheers!
I like to drink. There’s nothing wrong with that. Many of us enjoy a drink or six from time to time. But I also like to eat. When I’m at a cocktail party or a bar, I’m sure to be found enjoying some hors d’oeuvres or or a rack of ribs. And I love to meet new people. There’s nothing more enjoyable than mingling with a crowd and doing elaborately choreographed handshakes with new friends. But, well, I only have two hands. And if one holds my drink and the other holds my food, well, you see where this is going. Thankfully, this week SkyMall Monday solves the problem of being a personable, yet gluttonous, alcoholic. Our favorite catalog has once again foreseen that we are not capable of managing our own lives, so they’ve taken care of everything by allowing us to look fashionable while staying socially lubricated with the Wine Glass Holder Necklace.
Look, we can’t be troubled to put our wine glasses down while we interact with people. We have memories to repress and social anxiety to quell. That’s why this gadget is so ingenious. We should have been wearing our wine glasses around our necks all along. The fact they we don’t have an extra hand extending out of our chests suggests to me that evolution may be a pretty lame theory. I know that I want my red wine precariously dangling around my neck and swinging to and fro as I slalom between people to make my way to the carving station.
Think I’m being too serious about this situation? Your lack of faith in me is really beginning to cause problems in this relationship. But I’ll meet you halfway and let a neutral party explain to you why this product is so amazingly necessary. Take it away, SkyMall product description:
Keep your hands free at parties by keeping your wine close at heart! This clever little clip with adjustable strap holds a regular-size stemmed glass to your chest, giving you the freedom to snack and socialize as you sip!
Red wine is good for your heart and now it’s close to your heart! See, it’s only natural that we hold our clothing-staining beverages not in out hands but right in our chests. So drink, eat and network all you want at parties because now you’ll have your hands free to indulge. And the best part? It comes as a set of two, so you and your
enabler sponsor can mingle together.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.