SkyMall Monday: Powerlung

I am not what many would call fit. Sure, I look thin enough. I go hiking and kayaking and, on occasion, I even drink juice. I do leave the SkyMall Monday headquarters from time to time to burn a calorie or two. But I also sweat when I get out of bed. I get winded taking the elevator. And I like my ham wrapped in bacon. In other words, I’m your typical American. So, I recently decided that I need to improve my health. But I also decided that I wanted to do so while in a seated position. And I want took as weird as possible. That is, after all, the American way. Rather than do crunches or push-ups or change my diet, I want to to just blow. Whoa, whoa whoa. Get your mind out of the gutter. There’s a way for me improve my health, stay seated and look like a complete jackass. Yes, SkyMall has given me the gift of Powerlung.

Finally, I can improve my cardiovascular health and my French kissing skills. My lung capacity will improve while I sit on my ass. What could be more amazingly American? Stationary exercise. It’s a beautiful thing.

Don’t believe that such a weirdly American contraption can improve your lungs and your life? Maybe you’re the one that blows. If you don’t want to suck, check out the product description:

What makes PowerLung different from the other products? The most important difference is PowerLung is the ONLY product available that will improve the muscles that support your lungs for both INHALING and EXHALING all in the same breath.

Inhaling and exhaling? That’s, like, all of the breathing! Now I can eat my pork, wear my stained sweatpants and be all the American that I can be. So, breathe easier, America. You, too, can be healthy and unhealthy simultaneously. And have your mouth taste like plastic.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.