Things You Never Knew Existed is selling a product we never knew existed: a remote-control talking Luggage Locator.
On the one hand, this is great, especially for people who have black bags that all look alike. You see one coming, press the button, and watch and listen … is it lighting up? Did it repeat your pre-recorded message for 30 seconds continually? No? Then it’s not yours. Keep waiting.
The Luggage Locator runs on three AAA batteries and two button batteries, has six flashing LED lights and can be heard from up to 45 feet away.
On the other hand, the obvious downside of this product: That audio clip is going to be really annoying, no matter what you record. People all around in a 45 foot radius will hear the sound of your voice (or your kid’s voice, or whatever you decide to record) for 30 seconds on repeat. It’s almost like you’re forcing them to invade your privacy, which is kind of weird. Also, when they see who picks up the talking bag, that will stare at you, agog at the wonder of your outrageous dorkiness.
Still, there are uses for this that might make it worth it. For example, why not record “This is not your bag, you jerk!”? That way, if you see someone walking out with a bag and you think they’ve got yours, you can press it and freak them out. Another possibility: Record “Unload me first!” and press it while you’re waiting at the carousel. If your bag is close by on the trolley, perhaps the airport employee unloading bags will oblige you. “Hey airport man, you sure are handsome,” might also work. Unless it’s a lady.
Frankly, there are a lot of uses for this thing outside of the airport, as well: messing with your cat, confusing your children, practical jokes on your spouse or significant other … this may actually be totally worth the $14.98.