SkyMall Monday: Telekinetic Obstacle Course

I considered sending this week’s SkyMall Monday directly to your brains rather than posting it here on Gadling. I mean, the human brain is so powerful that surely I can transmit messages to you directly by simply focusing my energy towards that goal. I bend all of my own spoons that way. However, I realized that I would never be able to “speak” with you telepathically through the foil helmet that I wear to keep other people’s messages from reaching me. It’s a bit of a Catch 22. So here I am writing SkyMall Monday yet again and wasting my brain power. Not that SkyMall and all of its goodness are in any way, shape or form a waste of our minds. But I do feel as if I am failing to utilize my brain’s full potential. Thankfully, SkyMall has stepped up to help us all harness the tremendous power of our most fantastic organ. No, we won’t be speaking telepathically or helping paraplegics to interact with the world around them using only their brains. No, SkyMall has eschewed those trivial matters and chosen to address the single greatest problem facing the world today: boredom. Finally, we can battle our free time by playing a game that requires only the sheer force of our brains. Because we now have the Telekinetic Obstacle Course.For centuries, man has confronted boredom with nothing more than our hands. We’ve had to play foolish games like Patty Cake, Cat’s Cradle and Hand Vagina (NSFW). These were foolish trifles that embarrassed us all. Were we not capable of more? Certainly, we were. But we didn’t know how to reach our true potential. So we idled away the time by convincing ourselves that slapping each other was amusing. And when that wasn’t enough, we created games that completely forbid the use of hands in a desperate attempt to consider ourselves as evolved. But now, we’ve finally solved the problem of how to kill time without using any of our appendages.

Think I’m exaggerating just how important this development is? Well, it’s a good thing that you can’t read my mind right now because I’m calling you all sorts of names. See if you can wrap your puny minds around the SkyMall product description:

This is the game that uses your focused brain waves to maneuver a ball through an obstacle course…As you relax and concentrate, the headband sends a wireless signal (based on your mental commands) to the game’s air fan, which increases or decreases its speed, suspending or lowering a foam ball through one of eight obstacles, including hoops, teeter-totters, baskets, or chutes.

Oh, this is the game that uses my focused brain waves. I thought that was Guess Who. And it’s about time someone created a game that involved chutes. Am I right?

So, seclude yourself in your all-white room, relax and concentrate. No need to use your hands or even invite over a friend. All you need is your mind. And that headband. And apparently a teeter-totter. We’ve evolved.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.