SkyMall Monday: Square Root Watch

Around the country, kids are heading back to school. Lunches have been packed (hopefully with napkins carrying inspirational notes from moms with phrases such as “I’m proud of you”), notebooks are ready for doodling and detention rooms are already filling up. As another school year begins, kids everywhere are already asking their teachers, “Why do I need to know this?” and “When will I possibly have to use this information in real life?” These are valid questions. I’d love to go back in time and tell my biology teacher that I’ve never had to dissect a Garden Yeti in the SkyMall Monday headquarters. My drivers ed teacher never prepared me for piloting a Cruzin Cooler. That’s not to say that everything that kids learn in school is useless. There are plenty of concepts that are relevant in everyone’s day-to-day lives. Math, for example, is particularly relevant to a large percentage of the population. That’s why kids should be paying special attention to numbers this fall. If they want to tell time the SkyMall way, they’re going to need to be math whizzes. Forget digital; the best way to track time on your wrist is with the Square Root Watch.Your grandfather’s watch probably has a sundial on it. Your father’s watch most likely has Roman numerals. Your brother’s watch is digital, which is so 1980s. The only way to stand out now (and prove to yourself that paying attention in sixth grade math class rather than experimenting with drugs was a good decision) is to rock a watch with square roots in place of numbers. Let’s be honest here: Are square roots any more ridiculous than a completely numberless watch face?

Think that having to solve a math problem to know the time is a waste of, um, time? Were you always better at English than math? Well, you should have no problem reading the product description then:

Brainy math types will love this watch, but why should they have all the fun?

Brainy math types are currently running Google, Facebook and every other website that knows everything about you. Smart is cool now (even if Barbie struggles with math). Rather than deny it, embrace it. It beats risking Carpal Tunnel Syndrome from dishing out wedgies to all of those nerds.

Make all that time spent in drab classrooms passing juvenile notes to your friends worth it. Put your knowledge to use. Prove to your teachers that you will amount to something one day. Strap on the Square Root Watch and then check your cellphone to see what time it is.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.