SkyMall Monday: Large Universal Skate Sail (the worst SkyMall product ever?)

I want to love every SkyMall product. I mean, they’re all so gosh darn loveable. And, like the infomercials that you see when you can’t fall asleep, the descriptions of each gadget in SkyMall lead you to believe that they’re the greatest thing since the Edge Brownie Pan. Every SkyMall product that we’ve ever reviewed for SkyMall Monday has touted itself as life-changing and showcased all of its best attributes. All of that changes this week. We were embarrassed for the makers of this week’s featured product. After discovering it in the catalog, we were beyond excited to see it in action. We looked up every video that we could find only to be more disappointed than a Washington Generals fan. Each video is more amateurish and underwhelming than the last. Each video makes it look as if the product doesn’t even work. Each video makes us shake our heads at how awful the Large Universal Skate Sail must be.First of all, Sail Skating (as this “sport” is called) has the single saddest website in the history of the internet. It includes one link to a news story promoting the “sport.” That link is dead.

It features no explanation of the activity, the product or, well, anything. It includes links to buy the sail on Amazon, like the sail on Facebook (two people have done so) and follow the sail company on Twitter (it has tweeted once and has zero followers).

Most importantly, it showcases 29 sail skating videos in the most horrible video interface we’ve ever seen. And the videos themselves? None of them make the product look particularly…um, what’s the word…oh, right…good. They all show the sail flopping around in the air while someone kinda sorta glides by at about the same speed that they could achieve using just their feet.

The product description makes it seem like the creators had good intentions:

A great new way to get both adults and kids outside and moving if they’re sitting around the TV too much!

Why use your own muscles to exercise when you can let the wind do all the work? Well, as you’ll see in these videos, the wind is slacking off, too.

How bad are the videos? Let’s take a look.

I’m amazed that his coveralls didn’t create more drag as the semi-inflated sail allowed him to just barely pass a parked car.

Ever wanted to ride in a vehicle that goes slower than a walking toddler with a club foot? Then this is the product for you!

Certainly, you’d like to learn how the Skate Sail works. Perhaps this crude computer animation that is completely devoid of audio, details or realism can help you.

Yep, that answered all of our questions. Surely you must be satisfied by now, as well.

Unless, of course, you were wondering what the Skate Sail looks like while not working very well and viewed through a paper towel tube. Well then, this is the video for you:

Is this sail the worst SkyMall product ever? It’s quite possible. What’s certain is that it is the most poorly marketedSkyMall product of all-time. Well done, Skate Sail.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.