SkyMall Monday: T-Rex Dinosaur Trophy Frieze

I don’t know much about hunting (and what I do know I learned from Zach Everson) but I’ve always wanted an animal trophy on my wall. However, I don’t want to kill something just for sport (unless it’s the most dangerous game) and finding an animal that I can track, kill and eat near the SkyMall Monday New York City headquarters is tough (the Parks Department frowns on the use of rifles in Central Park). So, what’s a man with a healthy bloodlust and empty wall space to do? Well, if SkyMall has anything to say about it, we’ll all decorate our walls with a suitable kill while also not removing a single creature from a delicate ecosystem. Rather than covering yourself in deer urine and spending your day in the trees, simply pick up our favorite catalog and order yourself the T-Rex Dinosaur Trophy Frieze.

Since dinosaurs have long been extinct (or living in the Land of the Lost), this T-Rex is clearly not real. However, it displays that you have the ability to take down a beast much greater than you, which will give your guests pause when they consider stealing something from your home or seducing your daughter. As such, it’s a handsome home decoration and an advertisement for your masculinity.

Think that you should only display trophies that you actually killed? Believe that showing off any kill – even fictitious ones – is crude? Well, while you select a puppy statue, we’ll be reading the product description:

Our…wall trophy celebrates one of history’s largest known land predators, the fabled T-Rex! This amazingly detailed sculpture releases nearly a foot-and-a-half from the wall to boast details cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted with realistic color and texture. Mount our prehistoric, treasured artifact on home or garden wall for Jurassic-sized impact in your own museum!

Now all you need is a garden, a garden wall (which is what, exactly?) and your own museum. Seems reasonable.

So leave your orange hunting vest and animal calls at home. There’s no need for bloodshed when you’re decorating your home (unless you’re reckless with the power drill). Sit back, relax and enjoy having an extinct animal follow you with its eyes.

Check out all of the previous “SkyMall Monday” posts HERE.