Travel Recommendations for The Office

by Andrew Evans on


Back in the olden days, long before the Internet was born, there was this thing called a travel agent–typically semi-self-aware, middle-aged ladies who helped you pick out a nice vacation destination, find a hotel that was “so you” and then book your plane tickets printed on carbon paper, folded and then stuffed into fancy airline covers. The whole process was about inside relationships, consumerist trust and catering to personal tastes. Sadly, travel agents went out of style along with high-top shoes and dual tape decks, or rather, we all became travel agents and the ones who got paid to do it lost their jobs.

As an empowered, self-proclaimed Internet travel agent, I’m offering my services gratis to the folks that need it the most: those overworked, underpaid, Vitamin-D deficient fun bunch of NBC‘s The Office, If they’re like most Americans out there, the employees of Dunder-Mifflin get only 10-15 days of vacation a year and should be using every bit of it (along with a few sick days) to get the hell out of Scranton, PA. Assuming the medicinal and therapeutic properties of travel, and summoning the travel agents’ lost art of matching personality to destination, I offer the following recommendations:

Michael Scott spent Christmas at a Sandals in Jamaica with girlfriend/boss Jan Levinson. So wrong. This was clearly a blatant case of cheesy product placement and failed to take Michael to that place where he belongs, which is on a safari in Tanzania’s Serengeti. Yes, the boss man would be just as happy at some wildlife park in Florida, but for the full range of Michael antics, you’d need him to actually be in Africa, mimicking African accents and getting a royal kick out of all the massive animals. Fast-forward to the zebra carpet on his office floor, Masai shields hanging on his wall and his new moniker “Chief.”Jim Halpert disappeared himself to Australia to avoid Pam’s pending marriage to another man. OK, we get it–Australia is the farthest place from Pennsylvania and he was nursing a broken heart, but in reality, uh, he would have been nursing some hellish jet lag. We love Australia, but it’s not a weekend getaway, or even a one-week getaway. Methinks Jim needs to go to Dublin, Ireland. Not only because he would appreciate Guinness and look handsome in tweed, but that plucky Irish spirit might counter his nervous nature. Also, as one of the better-paid employees in The Office, Jim might actually be able to afford super-expensive Dublin.

Pamela Beesley doesn’t seem that well-traveled, bizarrely. She’s camped in the Poconos and did a brief stint in artsy New York City but this new wife and mother could definitely expand her horizons. Paris for a week of art and luxury should do the trick. We recommend splurging at Hotel Fouquet’s Barrière on the Champs-Elysées (for the spa) and spending her days floating from one art museum to the next. Take your mom or a friend. Let Jim stay home and take care of the baby.

Dwight Schrute already lives in his own little world, nevertheless, he reveals a penchant for large, open spaces. Russia is such a place. Also, Russians love the martial arts and beets. In fact, in Russia there are entire collective farms that grow nothing but beets, so Dobra Pozhalovat Comrade Schrute. No matter that the new Russia is fiercely capitalist and worships pop culture, Dwight will find his own tribe and come back with some sound ideas on organizational behavior.

Phyllis Vance is a classy woman attached to a rich refrigerator-selling husband to pay for all of her audacious tastes. The Moroccan Christmas party she threw in Season 5 reveals a girlish interest in some fabled, exotic Orient, but she also needs dependable electricity and a lot of good restaurants. Hence my verdict of Istanbul. Turkey’s largest city is also one of the greatest eating cities in the world–an explosion of foreign sights and culinary delights. Also, Phyllis loves to wear shawls, of which there are many to choose from among Istanbul’s crazy bazaars. (Bob, you should stay here.)

Ryan Howard needs a double kick in the pants for his affectation and superiority complex. Yeah, he already took time off to “travel” in Thailand but anyone who’s been to Thailand knows that much of the country is just a playground for the sort of entitled backpacker that is Ryan. That’s why we’re sending short, frail, pale Ryan to sunny, sandy Kuwait and not on vacation, but Kuwait as in, “you’re in the army now, kid.” He never makes it into Iraq (imagine Ryan with war stories), but learns to answer every sentence with, “Sir”.

Kelly Kapoor is Indian-American, yes, but those of who’ve actually been to India knows she would absolutely hate it there. Kelly is a serious girl who loves anything pink and struggles with her shopaholic nature. And where is the best shopping in the whole wide world? Buenos Aires, baby, B.A. We recommend Kelly stay at this boutique hotel in Palermo Soho, surrounded by a bunch of unique clothing and jewelry stores. Also, I’m thinking Kelly is liking the Argentine gelato (and men).

Andy Bernard is the ultimate frat boy who just can’t (or won’t) grow out of it. This Ivy League manboy surely has a few pairs of well-ironed Bermuda shorts, folded nicely in his summer clothes box, and he will need them for his trip to Bermuda. In the end, all of his bros will flake on him so he’ll have to go alone, but the pink beaches, sophisticated rum drinks, and yacht culture will suit him just fine.

Angela Martin is a woman who needs to chill out, big time. I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the number of uptight career women who’ve found their bliss in Tuscany, so Angela, Italy it is. Please take all that saved-up leave and get lost on some one-lane highway between Florence and Siena, then get found by your future Italian boyfriend. Please come back with flowing skirts and open collars, wearing your hair down and with a new-found penchant for Chianti. Grazie Mille.

Kevin Malone needs to raise hell in New Orleans, obviously. The man has a funky party side that just can’t break free in boring Scranton. As a musician, he’ll dig the jazz and as a fat man, he’ll dig the beignets, po’ boys, muffaletta, and gumbo. He will likely return bearing gifts of hot sauce for all. Go Kevin.

Meredith Palmer is a difficult client for a travel agent to please. The woman is boozy, so the Scotland whiskey tour (with designated driver) seems appropriate, however, this 6-night Carnival Cruise from Charleston, South Carolina would be perfect–if it includes drinks (Meredith, please wear sunblock). And yet, the redhead in Supplier Relations also loves going topless, so the Côte d’Azur would be just perfect.

Creed Bratton has already spent a lot of time in China and even speaks Chinese. He’s also a total whack job and kind of creepy and a schemer. Hmmm . . really old plus Chinese plus funky and scheming equals Macau. Creed will quickly lose track of the days as he gambles his way to oblivion. Once he makes his shady millions, he can go into hiding in the nearby Philipines and never come back, because really, is Creed even necessary?

Stanley Hudson is a no-nonsense kind of guy with predictable, easy-living tastes. We recommend St. Croix, in the US Virgin Islands, where time moves slowly and the fruity drinks are plentiful. Stanley never has to set foot outside his resort, nor will he ever let the Caribbean go past his knees.

Toby Flenderson ran off to his escapist dreamland of Costa Rica but honestly, his skin just isn’t right for it. Really Toby, consider Canada. You’ll never get sunburnt, the people are as nice and respectable as your human-resource mind believes all mankind should be, and it’s so, so safe. I say get your daughter hooked on Anne of Green Gables and then surprise her with a trip to Prince Edward Island.

Oscar Martinez already took a three-month vacation to Europe with his boyfriend Gil in Season 3. Now that he’s single, he should really be more adventurous. You’d think Amsterdam or Sydney’s Mardi Gras but I’m gonna go out on a limb and recommend Tennessee’s Dollywood. What’s better for a gay, Mexican-American accountant than a theme park memorializing an iconic diva, right in the heart of the Smokey Mountains? Dollywood has a huge gay following and yet is so quaint and respectably Appalachian. He’ll love it.

Erin Hannon Somebody in the office doesn’t have a passport and we all know it’s Erin. Coy, naïve, and a little odd, Erin still just doesn’t see the need for a passport. Sending Erin to San Diego, California would be about as far as she could go, plus there are lots of brave Navy guys to show her around. Incidentally, I think she would really love the zoo.

Darryl Philbin represents the blue collar element on the show and yet he’s got way better tastes than most of the office. Urban, hip, and cooler than cool, Daryl would be happiest in Berlin. Germany’s capital-under-construction is the perfect mix of blue collar power, good beats, and good times.

Alitalia launches LAX to Rome nonstop!

by Stephen Greenwood on

Ever dreamed of making a weekend getaway to see the Vatican, explore the Coliseum, or wine & dine in true Italian fashion? For those of you on the West Coast, it’s now easier than ever.

Last week, Italian carrier Alitalia became the only airline to offer a direct flight from the West Coast to the heart of Western Civilization.

Passengers can catch an 11-hour flight from Los Angeles International to Rome’s Leonardo da Vinci-Fiumincino Airport and arrive during the midday, allowing for a full afternoon of monument hunting within hours of touchdown.

The expansion to Los Angeles marks Alitalia’s 7th city in North America to offer a direct connection to Rome and the airline’s 79th destination worldwide.

If the announcement sounds familiar, it is; the same route was offered for just 8 months in 2008, before the economic downturn forced many carriers to make major cutbacks. But thanks to a complete restructuring in 2009, the airline promises it is committed to a long term investment in connecting Los Angeles with Italy once more.

Such investment is just one example of the airline’s recent efforts to battle decades of mixed reviews and a subpar reputation for punctuality.

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When Alitalia merged with competitor Air One in 2009, they subsequently established an all-new private entity with new management and direction. Since the reorganization, Alitalia has resolved to provide service with the finesse and pride that Italy is famous for, from the moment that passengers step onto the plane.

This new initiative for luxury and service is spearheaded by Alitalia’s upgrade of their Magnifica business class, which is featured on the LAX-Rome route.

The new business class focuses on bringing the best of Italy’s regions together with award winning seasonal food & wine pairings, all-Italian silverware & linens, and full flat seating to be introduced in 2011.

Menus in the Magnifica class will feature a different Italian region each season with meals paired to Italian wines by the Italian Sommelier Association; a tough combination to beat.

While you may not find the cheapest transatlantic fares with Alitalia, their resolve for rebuilding the company’s reputation with world-class service is only upstaged by the convenience of the route itself, and certainly worth a second look for this summer.

I was able to experience Alitalia’s new service on a trip sponsored by the airline, but the ideas and opinions expressed in this article are solely my own.

Exciting Repositioning Cruises for the Fall

by Alex Robertson Textor on

Repositioning cruises are the leftovers of cruising. When cruise ships need to move from one port to another at seasonal cusps, they take less conventional itineraries to get from one home port to another. Repositioning cruises can often be booked for less than more conventional cruises on a per-night basis.

Repositioning cruises are also, somewhat ironically, a good option for independent (even round-the-world) travelers. A well-priced repositioning cruise can deliver travelers from one continent to another, sometimes for not much more than an airline ticket, and also permit visits (however short) to many ports in-between. While RTW travelers seldom look to repositioning cruises for inspiration, they should.

One of the more exciting repositioning cruises on the schedule this fall is Holland America’s 43-day Vancouver-Sydney crossing on the Volendam, which will take in Seattle, four ports in Hawaii, American Samoa, Fiji, Vanuatu, New Caledonia, several ports in New Zealand, and several ports in Australia. It leaves September 22. The least expensive stateroom on offer comes to $3899 per person.

Holland America is also selling the above cruise with a termination in Auckland (29 days in total) for $2399.

For less ambitious prospective repositioning cruisers, Cruise Critic has published a useful list of some of the more intriguing shorter repositioning itineraries for the fall: 17 nights between Copenhagen and New York on Costa, leaving September 4; 18 nights between Vancouver and Fort Lauderdale on Holland America, leaving September 25; and 16 nights between Rome and Rio de Janeiro on Princess, leaving December 4.

(Image: Flickr/pmarkham)

Four lesser-known Eurozone islands

by Alex Robertson Textor on

With the euro continuing its crash against the US dollar, Europe is shaping us this summer and fall to be relatively inexpensive for Americans on the ground. Here are four islands that get little media or guidebook coverage yet offer volumes of quaint, picturesque charm. All use the euro as official currency, and are thus all markedly cheaper for Americans than they were last summer.

To entice your budget-minded enthusiasm, a mid-range accommodation option is paired with each destination.

1. Porquerolles, France.

The dreamily quiet Porquerolles, with its bouquet of aquamarine inlets, can be reached by ferry from the town of Hyères, near Toulon. The largest of the three islands of the Hyères archipelago, Porquerolles is largely protected as a national park. There are a number of very expensive hotels on the island, to which the mid-range Hotel Le Méditerranée, with double rooms starting at €98 per night in high season, provides a fairly-priced alternative.

2. Fasta Åland, Finland.

The semi-autonomous Swedish-speaking Åland islands, located between mainland Sweden and mainland Finland in the Gulf of Bothnia, are part of Finland. Fasta Åland, the largest island in the group, can be reached by ferry and air from Helsinki, Stockholm, and Turku. Mariehamn, the island’s capital, has cute lanes and museums to offer. Reasonably-priced accommodations can be found at Hotell Esplanad in Mariehamn, with high-season double rooms from €73.

3. San Domino, Italy.

The largest tourist attraction within Italy’s Tremiti archipelago, San Domino is a picturesque island covered with pine trees and studded with beautiful coves. San Domino is located about two-thirds of the way down the Adriatic coast and can be reached by ferry from the coastal port town of Tremoli. Albergo La Pineta charges between €45 and €75 per person for room and half-board between now and the end of September. Avoid the first three weeks of August and you won’t pay more than €65 per person per night.

4. Vlieland, Netherlands.

Wind-whipped Vlieland, one of the Netherlands’ atmospheric Frisian islands, can be reached by ferry from the city of Harlingen on the mainland. The island restricts car ownership to residents, and the streets are accordingly full of pedestrians and bicyclists. The island is one of the least densely-populated municipalities in the country, and there are forests, sand dunes, and beaches to explore. The Hotelletje de Veerman offers a sea-facing double room with terrace or balcony for €50 per person per night.

(Image of Porquerolles: Flickr/sgustin78)

New hotel in Rome made of garbage from Europe’s beaches

by Melanie Nayer on

That’s right – this hotel is, quite literally, garbage.

In an effort to raise awareness about the trashy state of Europe’s beaches, Rome erected a hotel covered with over 26,000 pounds of debris. The building, located on Capocotta Beach, is aptly named “Save the Beach Hotel” and is spear-headed by Corona. According to the website, the Save the Beach Hotel is a reminder to people about how filthy their beaches have become.

The website states:

“Our Corona Save the Beach campaign builds on the project by launching its own initiative to help preserve Europe’s beaches. Teaming up with environmental artist HA Schult, best known for his extraordinary ‘Trash Men’, we have created a pop-up hotel in the centre of Rome made almost entirely from rubbish collected from beaches across Europe. Our first visitor at the hotel was supermodel and eco-warrior Helena Christensen, as well as competition winners from Italy, Spain and the UK staying the night.”

It’s fascinating the amount of filth that can be discovered on a beach, and turned into a standing hotel. Corona plans to make this impression on other coastal cities around the world, and you can vote for the next endangered beach that the organization will clean up by clicking here.

Ok, Florida… how about it? While BP works to stop the oil spill, maybe we can build the world’s first crude oil hotel?