Big in Japan: Asia’s biggest Halloween Party!

by Matthew Firestone on

Halloween is in full effect here in Tokyo.

This past Saturday night, three -thousands Japanese revelers decked out in their choicest threads headed to ageHa, one of Japan’s most famous party spots.

Although Saturday night also brought with it an unseasonal typhoon, that didn’t stop the Japanese from hitting the dance floor and strutting their stuff until the wee hours of the morn.

From Captain Jack Sparrow and Pocahontas to all shades of sexy devils sweating temptation, Halloween fever was hot and heavy in the crowd. Indeed, much of the night was lost to strong drinks, skirt chasing and a healthy amount of sinning.

As with most nights out in the pleasure land that is Tokyo, details of what exactly happened inside the club are hazy at best. However, judging by the epic hangover that I’m just now beginning to shake, clearly the party was fueled by an absurd amount of alcohol.

Other signs of unchecked hedonism include an empty wallet as well as the sinking feeling that my brain and my liver might never be the same.

If you’ve never been to ageHa, allow me to educate you on what you’re missing.

ageHa (あげは), which means ‘Swallowtail butterfly’ in Japanese, is located on the waterfront in Eastern Tokyo’s reclaimed industrial district. Since 2003, ageHa has garnered a well-deserved reputation as one of the world’s best clubs.

International DJs including Paul van Dyk, John Digweed and Fatboy Slim make regular appearances at ageHa, as well as a number of Japanese DJs including Ko Kimura and Yoji Biomehanika.

On any given night however, you can expect top quality DJs spinning everything from hip-hop and R&B to deep house and trance. There are also occasional reggae nights, live rock performances and a healthy dose of Tokyo-spawned underground beats.

What makes ageHa so legendary is that it’s massive, especially by Japanese standards. The main dance floor is the size of most of the country’s concert venues, though the action is spread out amongst lounge rooms, outdoor dance tents and several terraces.

ageHa even boasts an outdoor swimming pool, which sees plenty of action in the sultry Tokyo summers as well as in the drunken early twilight hours. The sound system is also billed as the loudest and most advanced in Japan, which is easy to believe once you step foot inside the club and feel vibrations that are strong enough to shake the change out of your pocket.

Of course, the highlight of any night out at ageHa is usually watching the sunrise over the Tokyo skyline. By this point in the night, you’re usually dripping with sweat and blitzed on all sorts of liquid poison. But, when the sun peaks above the horizon and the sky lights up, it’s hard not to pause for a moment and realize just how good life can be.

ageHa is located a few minutes by foot from Shin-kiba (新木場) station, which can be accessed by several trains including the Keiyo and Yurakucho lines. The club also runs a free bus service that runs back and forth to the east exit of Shibuya (渋谷) station. Entry fees vary depending on the act. For more information on upcoming performers, check out their website at www.ageha.com.

Big in Japan: Fuzzy breasts are big in Japan

by Matthew Firestone on

With the Christmas shopping season right around the corner, everyone is starting to wonder what this year’s must have toy will be.

Like past greats such as the Cabbage Patch Kids, Tickle me Elmo and Nintendo Wii, it takes a truly special toy to drive yearning kids and their ever-pleasing parents into a consumer frenzy.

Care to guess what the hottest toy in Japan is likely to be this holiday season?

(Hint: no, it’s not a robot. We’re talking about something that is cute, cuddly and slightly pornographic in the kinderwhore fashion.)

Give up? I give you Funwari Milk-chan (??????????????????????), the latest, greatest Japanese craze.

Now, although the verdict is still out on just what exactly this thing is, my initial guess is that it’s some sort of fuzzy breast-shaped plush toy.

What do you exactly do with it? I have no idea.

(And no, to the best of my knowledge it’s not intended to be used as a sex toy).

What makes this fuzzy breast so strange however is that the toy manufacture, JUN Planning, has created an elaborate back story in the hope of justifying its existence.

Allow me to explain:

Once upon a time, there was a place known as Milk Village, which was created by the ancient volcanic eruption of Mt. Milk. The residents of Milk Village, which are known as Milk-chans, speak the Milk language, live in Milk houses and raise little Milk babies.

Are you with me so far? Don’t worry if you’re confused – so am I!

Milk Village is marked by four distinct seasons, which the Milk-chans love to celebrate in the Japanese fashion. In the spring, they eat rice dumplings and watch the cherry blossoms. In the summer, they eat rice dumplings and go to the Milk beach. In the fall, they eat rice dumplings and watch the leaves change. In the winter, they eat rice dumplings and live in milk caves.

Are you with me so far? I’m not sure if I understand myself at this point!

Apparently, each of the Milk-chans has a unique personality and history.

Funwari Milk-chan (center) is relaxed and playful, though she dreams of one day being a larger breast. Can Milk-chan (top left) is the party girl in the group, which is why she decided to be naughty and have an American boyfriend.

Ganguro Milk-chan (bottom left) has a pierced nipple, loves partying, dancing and taking pictures with her friends. Peach Milk-chan (top right) loves fashion, and is something of a snob in Milk Village. Milko-chan (bottom right) is still a baby, but a baby genius at that.

A Milk-chan sell for about 1,000 yen or about US$9, which means that I fully intend to collect the full set, even though I have no idea what you’re supposed to do with them!

Special thanks to my friend Michele for always keeping an eye out for the latest and craziest Japanese trends!

** Photos were taken from www.junplanning.co.jp **

Big in Japan: Camouflage yourself as a Coke machine

by Matthew Firestone on

Afraid of walking the mean city streets at night? Not sure what to do if you’re being followed?

Fear not as Aya Tsukioka, a 29-year-old experimental fashion designer from Tokyo, is about to start selling her new line of urban camouflage.

At a fashion show earlier this week, Ms. Tsukioka shocked the audience by removing a large sheet of red cloth from beneath her skirt. She then proceeded to show how a woman being pursued by assailants could easily disguise herself as a vending machine.

Japan never ceases to amaze, eh?

Although street crime is virtually non-existent here in Japan, personal safety is never taken for granted. The Japanese public is increasingly becoming more and more concerned about crime, even though statistics suggest that rates are actually on the decline.

Perhaps this is why Ms. Tsukioka’s clothing is expected to be such a huge hit.

At the fashion show, she also revealed plans for kimono that folds into a vending machine as well as a manhole shaped bag that can be laid down on the street to hide your valuables from would-be muggers.

While Americans are more partial to self-defense devices such as mace, pepper spray, tazers and even pistols, Japanese sensibility calls for a bit more tact.

Don’t believe me?

Consider the fact that one of the most popular items on the market here in Tokyo are knife-proof high school uniforms made of Kevlar!

According to Ms. Tsukioka, Americans want to protect themselves while Japanese favor camouflage and deception. “It is just easier for Japanese to hide,” Ms. Tsukioka said. “Making a scene would be too embarrassing.”

She then proceeded to explain how her vending machine disguise was inspired by the ninja, who used to cover themselves in black blankets at night. Since vending machines are so common on Japan’s streets, Ms. Tsukioka realized that she had stumbled across the perfect design motif.

To date, Ms. Tsukioka has sold about 20 vending machine costumes for about 100,000 yen or $800 each. If you think it’s a bit pricey, consider the fact that each disguise is printed and sewn by hand.

And of course, can you really put a price on your personal safety?

For the little ones, Ms. Tsukioka is also planning on rolling out a special children’s line of disguises, which will resemble Japan’s diminutive red mail boxes.

After all, it’s never too early to teach the kiddies to take care of themselves.

Ms. Tsukioka concluded her press conference by discussing Japan’s willingness to indulge the imagination. “These ideas might strike foreigners as far-fetched,” she added, “but in Japan, they can become reality.”

Perhaps there is some truth to that, though I’m sorry to say that these costumes wouldn’t quite cut it in New York City or Los Angeles, unless of course you were to weave them out of Kevlar.

Special thanks to my friend Michele for always keeping an eye out for the latest and craziest Japanese trends!

** Photos were taken by Torin Boyd/Polaris for The New York Times **

Big in Japan: Tuna fish will soon be extinct

by Matthew Firestone on

Bluefin tuna are amazing creatures.

First of all, they’re freakin’ huge – a prize-catch can weigh nearly a ton, and stretch to nearly 10 feet.

Like human beings, they’re also warm-blooded, which allows them to live everywhere from the tropics to the poles.

They can also accelerate as fast as a sports car.

As any Japanese person can tell you, they’re also the centerpiece of the Japanese diet. Whether you’re partial to maguro (?????; tuna) or toro (????; fatty tuna belly), one thing is for certain – tuna are delicious.

Of course, this why bluefin tuna will most likely be extinct sometime in the next fifty years.

It’s hard to imagine a fish like tuna becoming extinct, especially since they’ve been so abundant in the world for most of recorded history. However, numbers are falling dramatically, and it’s very unlikely that the population can sustain itself for much longer.

In fact, fisheries have collapsed before, and it’s likely that they will do so again.

In 1993, the cod population vanished on the Grand Banks near Newfoundland in Canada, which has since then devastated the local economy.

So, are we perhaps the last generation ever to enjoy fresh sushi?

Perhaps.

Approximately one year ago, British scientists issued a report warning that within the next fifty years, there will most likely be nothing left to fish from the sea. According to the report, nearly one-third of historical sea fisheries have already collapsed, and the rate of decline is accelerating.

The scientists, who published their findings in the journal Science, partly attributed the fishery decline to the global increase in the popularity of sushi.

Despite the demand for more tuna, bigger vessels, better nets, and new technology for spotting fish are not resulting in bigger returns. On the contrary, the global catch of blue fin tuna fell by 13% between 1994 and 2003.

Dr. Steve Palumbi, a scientist at Stanford who worked on the project, told the press: “Unless we fundamentally change the way we manage all the ocean species together, as working ecosystems, then this century is the last century of wild seafood.”

Eeek.

Sadly, it may be to late to save the noble bluefin tuna.

Last month, Europea banned tuna fishing in the eastern Atlantic and Mediterranean for the rest of the year. The move was taken to curb over-fishing and dwindling stocks of fish after the EU reached its 2007 quota.

Atlantic bluefin tuna is the best quality tuna in the world, and fisheries earn top dollar exporting the fish to the lucrative Japanese market.

However, existing bluefin tuna stocks are being plundered, with high rates of overfishing being reported by virtually every single country in the European Union.

The International Commission for the Conservation of Atlantic Tunas (ICCAT) sets annual fishing quotas to be followed by all member countries.

With that said, conservation groups are cynical of ICCAT, and are partial to calling them the International Commission to Catch All Tuna!

Whether you loved canned tuna and mayo or fresh sashimi with a splash of soy sauce, it’s probably best to just enjoy the fish while it’s still around…

Big in Japan: Japanese people don’t have enough sex

by Matthew Firestone on

Japanese people don’t have enough sex…

…at least according to condom manufacturer Durex’s survey of sex lifestyles around the world.

This annual survey, which catalogues the down and dirty in 26 countries around the world, was compiled after more than 26,000 candid interviews.

Despite Western stereotypes of Japanese people having crazy kinky sex, life in the bedroom here in the Far East is anything but stimulating. In fact, the raw numbers are shocking if not all together depressing.

On average, Japanese people only do the deed 48 times a year, well below the world average of 103 times.

(In case you were wondering, the Greeks are the sex champions with an average of 164 bouts per year).

It gets even worse.

Although Japanese AV films (pornographic videos) are anything but tame, unfortunately reality doesn’t mirror movie magic. Not only do Japanese people have less sex than anyone else in the world, but they apparently also have the least interesting time in the bedroom.

Here are the depressing stats.

Sadly, 90 percent of Japanese said that their sex lives lack stimulation, which pales in comparison to the global average of 50 percent of people who enjoy a healthy sex life. Not surprisingly, the Japanese lead the world in the frequency of masturbation.

38 percent of Japanese masturbate weekly compared with a global average of 16 percent. And, despite the fact that the three major monotheistic religions consider masturbation to be a sin, only 4 percent of Japanese people had a negative opinion of the practice.

During the course of their lives, Japanese men have an average of 14 sex partners, while Japanese women have an average of 8. This is higher than the global average of 13 and 7 sex partners respectively, though this is perhaps due to the high frequency of boring sex.

Japanese average 34 minutes for each session of sex (including foreplay), which is actually one more minute then the amorous French and just above the global average.

Sadly however, 86 percent of Japanese people want to have more sex, though they are unable to communicate with their partners. In a culture where vagueness and shades of grey are preferable to clarity and honesty, intimate conversations never seem to go beyond pillow talk.

So just exactly how boring is sex in Japan?

Only 34 percent of Japanese people engage in oral sex.
Only 16 percent of Japanese people like sexy underwear.
Only 4 percent of Japanese people engage in role play.
Only 16 percent of Japanese people regularly use sex toys.
Only 15 percent of Japanese people use lubrication.

Wow. Clearly something needs to be done.

If anyone is reading this in Japan, I urge you to go the liquor store, and buy a nice bottle of champagne to set the mood. When you get home, instead of plopping yourself in front of the TV and watching Japanese dramas, turn on some romantic music, pop the bubbly, drag your better half to the bedroom and get to it.

If we all do our part, together with can make Japan number one…