The Most Useful Useless Phrasebook Phrases

by Laurel Miller on

I’ve frequently touted Lonely Planet’s Phrasebooks on Gadling (about as often as I’ve truthfully stated that I receive no kickbacks from them). They’ve saved my butt countless times, helping me do everything from getting on the right train platform to finding out what obscure ingredient is in a dish.

There’s another reason I love these indispensible travel companions, however, and that’s for their entertainment value. Like all LP books, the personality and preferences (and sometimes the nationality) of the authors shine through, although the content is consistent. Whether Czech, Hmong, or Mexican Spanish, you’ll find the layout and categories the same, barring cultural or geographical improbabilities: don’t expect to learn how to get your car tuned up in a Karen hill tribe dialect, for example.

I confess I’ve used my phrasebooks as icebreakers on more than one occasion because they make the ideal bar prop or conversation starter. Whip one out of your daypack, and I guarantee within minutes you’ll have attracted the attention of someone…so wield and use their power carefully.

The following are some of my favorite useful useless phrases culled from my collection. Disclaimer alert: May be offensive (or just plain stupid) to some readers. Also note that phrasebooks, unless written by native-speakers, will always have some errors or inconsistencies in grammar or dialect, especially when transliterated, so I won’t vouch for the complete accuracy of the following:

French
“No, it isn’t the alcohol talking.” Non, c’est moi qui dis ça, ce n’est pas l’alcool qui parle.

“Maybe a Bloody Mary will make me feel better.” Peut-être qu’un Bloody Mary me fera du bien. Unsurprisingly, many LP phrasebooks are written by Australians.

Spanish (Spain/Basque version)
“I’m sorry, I’ve got better things to do.” Lo siento, pero tengo otras cosa más importantes que hacer. Trust me, this comes in very handy if you’re a female traveling in Latin America.

“Do you have a methadone program in this country?” ¿Hay algún programa de metadona en este pais? Because savvy travelers are always prepared for the unexpected.

Italian
Under a heading called “Street Life” comes this handy phrase: “What do you charge? Quanto fa pagare?

And because Italians are romantics at heart, you’ll do well to learn the following exchange:
“Would you like to come inside for a while?” Vuoi entrare per un po?
“Let’s go to bed/the bathroom.” Andiamo a letto/in bagno.
“I’d like you to use a condom.” Voglio che ti metta il preservativo.
“Would you like a cigarette?” Prendi una sigaretta?
“You can’t stay here tonight.” Non puoi restare qui stanotte.

German
“I have my own syringe.” Ich habe meine eigene Spritze. This is actually useful, but not so much in German. If you’re traveling to developing nations and have a condition such as diabetes, definitely take the time to learn this. As for carrying syringes and hypodermics in developing nations if you don’t have a pre-existing medical condition, do so at your own risk. I’ve debated it and to me, I’d rather not be caught with “drug paraphernalia” on my person.

Portuguese
“I may be in a wheelchair but I’m able to live independently!” Posso andar de cadeira de rodas mas consigo ter uma vida independente! This isn’t so much funny as it is totally random. And I like the exclamation point.

“Oh baby, don’t stop.” Nao pares, amor! Better have this memorized or you’ll defeat the purpose of looking it up when needed.

Japanese
“Sorry, I can’t sing.” Go men na sai, u tai nam des [phonetic]. Very “Lost in Translation.”

Australian
“I’m feeling lonely/depressed.” “Miserable as a shag on a rock.”
My favorite ‘Strine phrases – not found in the LP book; I just know a lot of Aussies – include “leg opener” (a bottle of cheap wine) and “mappa Tassie” (map of Tasmania, referring to a woman’s pubic region, although I suppose this made more sense before Brazilians became the norm).

Vietnamese
“Do you want a massage? mát-xa không? Not a cliché at all.

“You’re just using me for sex (male speaker).” Am jeé moo úhn laám ding ver eé aang toy [phonetic]. Talk about progress.

Thai: “Where can I buy some gay/lesbian magazines?” mii nang seu keh/khaai thîi nai? Emergency!

[Photo credits: heart, Flickr user Toronja Azul; woman, Flickr user http://heatherbuckley.co.uk;Tasmania, Flickr user NeilsPhotography]

Travel Scam Alert: Renting Cars With Little Or No Gas

by Dave Seminara on

Have you ever stepped into your new rental car, started the engine and noticed that the gas gauge was nearly empty? In the U.S., most reputable rental car agencies will give you a car that has a full tank, or, at the worst, a half tank of gas. But overseas, all bets are off, and a common tactic of many agencies, even name brand ones, is to give you the car with only one-fourth of a tank or less.

It might seem like a benign inconvenience, but in most cases, it’s a calculated scam. Rental car agencies know that most travelers are going to fill their tank up with gas if they get it on or near empty. But trying to plan how much gas to put in so you can return it with only ¼ tank, for example, is inconvenient to say the least. Agencies know this, and hope that you’ll return it with significantly more gas.

I’ve encountered this sly gambit in Mexico and Greece and have heard it’s also common in a number of other countries. Just this week in Patmos, I rented a car at Avis and it was given to me on empty. The manager said, “Oh, don’t worry there’s a gas station right down the road.” So I said, “Great, here are the keys – go gas it up and bring it back to me.”

He balked but I insisted and he relented. Returning a rental car with extra gas is an expensive mistake in the U.S., but in a place like Patmos, where gas runs the equivalent of $9.50 a gallon, it’s financial suicide. The best game plan when renting a car outside the U.S. is to tell them you want the car to have a full tank of gas when you receive it. If it doesn’t have it, tell them to fill it up or you’ll rent from someone else.

(Image by Laffy4k on Flickr)

Summer Travel Plans Include Solo Experience For Some

by Chris Owen on

Summer travel plans have a majority of Americans on the road and in the sky this year and in greater numbers than in the past. A recent report says 59 percent of Americans will travel this summer, primarily in the United States. Also up is solo travel as single travelers plan engaging vacations more than in the past.

“Consumers want deeper, richer experiences when they travel,” said David Patron, vice president of American Express Travel in a Wall Street Journal report. “When a traveler visits a destination they want to understand the local traditions and feel like they are getting a true insider experience.”

USA Today reports sixteen percent of 1,500 U.S. adults recently surveyed by American Express say they will take a trip alone, up from 12 percent last year

“People who have never traveled alone often describe their first solo trip as an almost religious experience,” says Independent Traveler. “To take in new surroundings unfiltered by the prejudices, tastes or preferences of a traveling companion can be heady stuff. Traveling alone gives you the chance to indulge yourself fully.”Independent Traveler also offers a variety of tips for solo travelers, urging caution while enjoying the freedom and flexibility that solo travel offers.

“One of the best reasons to travel alone is to meet new people, but this also makes you more vulnerable,” says Independent Traveler. “It’s okay to hang out, travel and share with new friends, but you might not want to ask them to hold your money. Scam artists can often be the most charming companions you’ll find; you want to be open-minded, but keep your guard up enough to ensure your safety.”

See more tips for solo travelers at Independent Traveler.

[Flickr photo by mikebaird]

10 Reasons To Visit The Greek Island Kos

by Dave Seminara on

There are more than 200 inhabited Greek islands and travelers can feel a bit overwhelmed trying to decide which ones they should visit. Most Americans stick to Santorini, Mykonos or Crete but there are scores of other viable alternatives that are just as alluring as these famous locales.

Over the next several weeks, I’ll be reporting on some Greek islands you might want to consider for your next holiday. Our first stop is Kos, a bucolic island of about 30,000 year-round inhabitants that was the home of Hippocrates, the father of Western medicine. Here are several reasons why Kos is well worth a visit.

Direct Flights. Unlike many Greek islands, you can fly directly into Kos on Ryanair from a dozen European cities including London, Rome and Brussels, and a number of other discount airlines, including German Wings, Air Berlin and Easy Jet. We flew from Bari, Italy, for about $100 each, one way. Kos is also a convenient ferry hub where you can continue on to Patmos, Kalymnos, Rhodes, Piraeus (Athens) and a number of other ports.Paradise for Cyclists. Kos is a flat island that is great for cycling. You can get from one end of the island to the other in an hour by car, so it’s just large enough for a nice long bike ride. You can rent a bike for about 4-5€ per day and there are well maintained bike trails all over the island. (But beware the mopeds and motorcycles!) Take a spin around the island and you’ll get amazing views of Bodrum, Turkey, Nissyros and other beautiful islands in the vicinity.

History. If you’d like to do a bit of sightseeing in between visits to the beach and excursions in the area, Kos town has a castle, some impressive ruins that date to the 3rd Century B.C. and a huge, impressively twisty old tree held up by scaffolding where Hippocrates supposedly schooled his students.

A Lively Port. For those in search of a lively base, Kos Town is a good choice, as it has a nice mix of bars, restaurants and shops. The streets are alive until late in the evening during the summer.

Boat Excursions. Kos is a great place to get out on the water without breaking the bank. For 35€ or less per person, you can visit Bodrum, which is just 20 minutes away, Nisyros, a lovely island with an active volcano, or a combination trip involving Kalymnos, home to Greece’s famous sponge divers, and Pserimos, a quiet little place with 15 families and a nice sandy beach. During the high season, there are even more day trip options, including Rhodes and Symi.

Beaches. Just outside of Kos Town there’s a very long pebbly beach with dozens of beach bars that’s great for families. My favorite beach bar is The Artemis Paradise, which is just in front of a nice hotel of the same name (see photo). They have terrific frozen coconut drinks and iced cappuccinos for less than $3 in an idyllic setting.

Outside of Kos Town, you can find nicer sandy beaches. My favorite is Paradise Beach, which can be reached by bus from Kos Town in 45 minutes for €4.40. Tigaki is also quite nice, especially for children, given the shallow waters. Down the way from the main beach, there’s a clothing optional beach for the naturists and exhibitionists.

Good for Kids. Your kids will love the beaches and in the evening take them to Friends Junior, a terrific play place for kids above the Friends Café in Kos Town. For €4, they’ll supervise your kids while you have a coffee or surf the net, and the price includes a big balloon and a drink of their choice. We had to literally drag my 2-year-old kicking and screaming from this place, he liked it so much.

Nightlife. During the high season, and to a lesser degree in the shoulder season, the bars in Kos Town get quite busy. If you want to meet a good-looking Scandinavian, this is a good place to do it. But note that some of the bars trend toward the cheesy side – they play Top 40 music and employ gals dressed in booty shorts to lure in passersby.

Cheap Laundry and Other Good Stuff. If you’re coming to Greece for a short trip, getting your laundry done won’t be an issue but Kos is big enough to support a couple laundromats that don’t have tourist pricing. Easy Laundromat is my favorite. They did a mountain of laundry for us for just €6. The beauty of coming to a mid-size island like Kos is that you can find businesses like this one that cater to locals and have good prices.

Good Food & Cheap Accommodation. I stayed at the Kosta Palace Hotel right on the harbor in a one-bedroom apartment in late May for just €50 per night. I also spent my first two nights at the Hotel Sonia, which is significantly more expensive and the rooms are smaller, but they have better Internet access, a much better breakfast and renovated rooms. There are scores of similar places and the prices go up only a bit during the high season. Our favorite finds on the dining front were Broadway, an inexpensive Greek restaurant that is only a 10-minute walk from the port in Kos Town and Ararat, a really tasty and inexpensive Armenian restaurant, just off the harbor in Kos Town.

Caveats. Kos and especially Kos Town won’t appeal to everyone. Kos is a major destination for Europeans in July and August and from May-September, you’ll be hit with offers for restaurants, bars and excursions left, right and center as you walk around Kos Town’s harbor area. But if you want a quieter, low-key place simply go further out from Kos Town.

[All photos by Dave Seminara]

8 Cool Cities For Summer

by Rachel Friedman on

Many people’s winter vacation plans understandably revolve around sand and sun and colorful cocktails sporting tiny umbrellas. But summer in the states can be just as oppressive, whether you’re battling sweat-inducing humidity, malodorous public transportation, or overzealous mosquitoes. So for those who want to skip the sunscreen (I know, I know, you’re supposed to wear sunscreen all year round) and instead wrangle that favorite fuzzy sweater out of storage, here are eight cooler cities to visit. A few are in the Southern Hemisphere, offering a double helping of winter. Others have an Arctic vibe. And some made the cut because they stay relatively chilly all year round. Forget endless summer and embrace its polar opposite.

Anchorage, Alaska
Explore the U.S.’s northernmost city this summer by walking or biking the 11-mile Tony Knowles trail. The paved path curls along the spectacular coastline where you might even catch a glimpse of beluga whales along the way. And, since temperatures stay pretty cool, you won’t even break a sweat doing it.

St. John’s, Newfoundland and Labrador, Canada
If you think Canadians in general are nice, Newfoundlanders will blow your socks off – and then give you their own socks because your feet might be cold. St. John’s, the capital, is the foggiest, snowiest, wettest, windiest and cloudiest of the major Canadian cities. Have I sold you on it?Katoomba, Australia
Only an hour from Sydney, Katoomba is the main town in the Blue Mountains region – a wonderland of eucalypt forests and gorges where Aussies often vacation. Katoomba is also the home of Yulefest, where, throughout July, the entire place pretends it’s Christmas. Area restaurants and hotels serve up multi-course traditional holiday meals, even hiring local carolers and Santas to complete the picture.

Galway, Ireland
Summer temperatures in this west coast city don’t typically top 65 degrees and nights are frigid enough to justify rounds of Guinness at the local pub. At the end of July, Galway hosts an awesome Arts Festival, not to mention an incredibly popular seven-day horse race, the longest in all of Ireland. Be sure to ask a local lady’s help picking out the right fascinator for the event.

La Serena, Chile
Located 300 miles south of chaotic Santiago, La Serena is Chile’s second oldest city. A normally overpopulated beach town during the summers, La Serena transforms into a friendly, laid-back locale in winter, making it the perfect time to visit this “City of Churches.” There are more than 30 of them, many dating as far back as the late 16th century. Where better to keep warm?

Reykjavik, Iceland
It might be the land of the midnight sun, but you definitely won’t overheat in Reykjavik. Arrive by June 21 for summer solstice festivals that take place around the city, including ones where residents wear traditional Viking garb. Don’t think that you can shirk your sartorial duties just because it’s chilly, though; Reykjavik residents dress to impress when they go out no matter the season.

Queenstown, New Zealand
Known as the “adventure capital of the world,” spend your Kiwi winter skiing, bungee jumping, mountain biking, skydiving or paragliding. You can even go canyon swinging if choosing from several ways to launch yourself off from a 100-meter-high, cliff-mounted platform sounds appealing. I hear it’s easiest if you just let someone push you off the edge.

Buenos Aires, Argentina
Sure you can tango, eat the world’s best beef and load up on all kinds of leather goods, but you can do that any time in Buenos Aires. So instead check out a distinctly winter event this July: the Annual Buenos Aires Chili Cookoff. This ex-pat organized affair has quickly become a must-attend for locals, too. And word on the street is they still need judges.

[Flickr image via Unhindered by Talent]