Intestinal Horror at 30,000 Feet

by Neil Woodburn on

With all these disgusting posts we’ve had recently about flatulence and excessive stink within the confines of an airplane, I’d like to throw a recent horror story of my own into the mix.

About two weeks ago I was in New York City celebrating Thanksgiving. Actually, I was across the water in Jersey, but on Sunday my girlfriend and I headed over to the Big Apple for a day of fun and culture.

Monday morning I had to fly back to Los Angeles on a horribly early 6 a.m. flight out of Newark. This meant waking up at 4 a.m. to get to the airport on time. Although this was painful enough, the true pain came shortly after passing through security when my stomach started to feel a bit queasy. My quick dash to the bathroom revealed a violent attempt of my body to expel last night’s dinner from whichever opening offered the least resistance. Yes, folks, I had food poisoning.

I would love to tell you where I got it, but I could only narrow it town to an Irish restaurant where I had a late lunch or an Italian restaurant where I had a late dinner. Since I am not sure which it was, both will have to remain anonymous for this story.

Perhaps I was stupid for doing so, but I decided to suck it up and board the plane. Over the course of the next seven hours, including a stopover in Chicago, I made frequent trips to that little closet they call a bathroom on the plane. Performing normal body functions within this confined space is challenging enough, but try bending over and heaving out your guts. As if this isn’t challenging enough, try doing it when you’re 6’4″. Bending my lanky frame into a position to accommodate the task at hand was a true lesson in origami.

I suppose I was lucky, however. I never had to wait to use the bathroom (which could have been a disaster) and there was never anyone waiting to use it after I was done. In addition, there was little turbulence and therefore my aim was good. Yes, things could have been much worse, but I survived.

Brew Tours

by Neil Woodburn on

Once you’ve been on one brewery tour, there is no reason to ever visit another beer making facility. Right? I mean, the science of brewing is basically the same. Any Brew Master can easily walk you through the various malts and barley and fermentation stages. And that’s really the only reason one visits a brewery in the first place, isn’t it? Education is the driving force here.

But then again, there is the free product sampling at the end. So perhaps I’m wrong.

The beer making process hardly differs from one brewery to the next, but the Brew Masters conducting the tours, as well as the amount of sampling you’re allowed to consume, are as different as the beers themselves. Indeed, I’ve discovered that brewery tours range from intolerable to just as fun as a Saturday night.

So how do you separate the wheat from the barley? Take a moment to pop on over to USA Today where Michael Kuderka, author of The Essential Reference of Domestic Brewers and Their Bottled Brands, discusses his ten favorite small brewery tours from San Francisco (Anchor Brewing Co.) to Philadelphia (Yards Brewing Co.).

If you’re really a true beer-lover, visit all ten; it will be a vacation you will truly forget.

Greece is the Word

by Erik Olsen on

Isn’t it about this time every year that you imagine traveling in Greece? Or is that just me?

Well, if you can’t get out of your job, or sticker shock in Europe has got you down, or you just got conked on the head by a brick and are wandering around like a zombie having forgotten your name and where you live (let alone your PIN)…you can live vicariously through someone else. You can read about THEIR trip to Greece and satisfy (sort of) that hungry longing for cerulean seas and golden drips of olive oil on crusty bread. Just go read Gregg’s travelogue or this fine site on Greece. Indulge yourself. And then get back to work! Lazy bast*&*.

How to Have A Bad Time In New York City

by Adrienne Wilson on

Let’s face it – hundreds of thousands will visit NYC every year, but few will return home knowing all the tricks of the trade. In fact some may never return after having the worst time possible in the Big Rotten Apple. That is all too bad considering how often sites like the New York Times and Newyorkology publish good material on all the good places to go and good deals to be found and more importantly good how-to information on making it all happen. Well, in today’s edition of the NY Times they feature a very detailed and absolutely funny piece on how to have a never-ever-want-to-come-back type of time in the big city. So if you are the type of tourist that loves being accompanied by a large gray over-hanging cloud, you may want to read this well-written article, but should you decide to take any of the advice given make sure you tell your pals what they’re getting into or go solo. You’ll find that some of your friends may actually want to shy away from chain restaurants to try the local flavor or build up the courage to ask a New Yorker how to get from point ‘A’ to ‘B’ in those scary subway tunnels.

Oh, and after reading if you should feel so inclined to leave a tale or two here it’d be much appreciated. I’m sure there is at least one or two of our readers who have suffered from a nightmarish time in NYC.

Count Calories While You Fly

by Adrienne Wilson on

Thanks to our healthy friends and sister site, That’s Fit, I just stumbled upon this awesome article out of the Seattle Times focusing on the nutritional value of those in-flight snack packs. You would think with cheese, crackers, peanuts and an occasional cookie one wouldn’t shoot their entire diet to hell, but beware!!! (Cue horror music.) If you thought the danger was in flying you were wrong – it’s in the honey roasted nuts! The story in the Seattle Times notes both Delta and U.S. Airways have the lowest health score, for more reasons than high in calories. The system is based on factors like how helpful the airline was in providing information, the cost of the snack pack (if any) and the exercise equivalent to burning off the calories found in each pack. Let’s take the Delta snack pack for example since it ranks the absolute worst. According to their info you’d have to walk 197 minutes to burn off the 766 calories found in Delta’s bag of treats. That’s a lot of walking for so little food.

On the upside, those flying with United need not worry so much as a frequent Delta or U.S. Airways flyer. United Airlines ranks tops. The snack packs offered on board are vegetarian friendly and trans-fat-free. Although the cost is $5, they have the largest selection of snack choices. Surprisingly, you’ll need to do a good amount of walking to burn off the calories found in an United pack (up to 231 minutes for munching on a Smartpack), but at least you’ll know that your balancing it all out.

I highly recommend reading this one if you’re trying to keep track of your diet every step and flight on the way to your holiday destination and beyond.