Galley Gossip: 10 gifts for flight attendants (and frequent fliers)

by Heather Poole on

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is job security, being able to hold my first bid, two weeks vacation, a raise, longer layovers, more wide-body flying, faster flying times, grateful and polite passengers with a sense of humor, more ferry flights, a cockpit that appreciates who’s on the other side of the reinforced door, and a fun crew

Florence, the flight attendant

Something tells me that ain’t happening. So what can you get that special flight attendant, pilot or frequent flier in your life for Christmas this year? Glad you asked. Here’s my 2009 holiday gift list…

1. AVIATION CRAP STUFF – If there’s one thing flight attendants have in common, it’s the airline museum hiding in the guestroom closet. So if you see something with an aviation theme buy it, wrap it up, and send it to me. I’m talking things like vintage airline posters, sassy bag tags, airplane pajamas, flight attendant dolls, even an airplane Christmas ornament – anything really!

2. HAND LOTION – Flight attendants have always been addicted to fruity smelling antibacterial hand lotion. Now that the flu season is here with a nasty H1N1 scare to top it off, we’re going through germ killer like business class passengers go through wine and bottled water. Bath and Body has a wonderful selection of travel size lotion to stuff a stocking with. Also, we’re constantly washing our hands with harsh airplane soap, so hand lotion with shea butter is a must. Beth, a coworker and friend, swears by Gardners hand therapy cream by Crabtree and Evelyn.

3. CAFFEINE – Three reasons your flight attendant might not be smiling; 1. Long work days. 2. Short layovers. 3. They’ve given up their expensive Starbucks addiction in order to cut back and make ends meet. Every flight attendant deserves (and needs!) a decent cup of Joe, especially when working long hauls, early sign-ins, red eyes, or multiple legs. I’m sorry, but airplane coffee just won’t cut it. While a Starbucks gift card might be nice, a couple packets of Via Ready Brew would work well, too.4. READING MATERIAL – Flight attendants are like vultures when it comes to scavenging seat back pockets for discarded newspapers and magazines after a flight. While I love to score a copy of US, Star, People, ya know, the kind of magazine you can flip through quickly between beverage services, it’s Vanity Fair I can’t commute to work without. What flight attendant wouldn’t love a magazine subscription or a gift card to Barnes & Noble? Or take it a step further and give a Kindle. You’ll help lighten the load.

5. DESIGNER EYE WEAR – Maybe it’s because flight attendants wear polyester for a living, or perhaps it’s because there aren’t too many ways to express our personal style while wearing a uniform, I don’t know, but whatever it is, flight attendants love designer eye wear. Whether it’s a pair of chic sunglasses or trendy eyeglasses, you’ll make a flight attendant go from feeling drab to fab in a matter of seconds. REMEMBER: When you’re flight attendant is happy, passengers are happy. Come on, make flying a more enjoyable experience for all.

6. SHOES – You’ve heard of cart toe, haven’t you? When it comes to flight attendant shoes, we’re always looking for something cute and comfortable – not always an easy combination to find. Go with a gift card to DSW for the picky flight attendant who loves to shop and Zappos.com for the no nonsense gal/guy who knows what they want and wants it now! My next pair may just be one of these – Taipei or Diamond Sparkle

7. COMPUTER – Flight attendants spend half their lives on airplanes and at airport hotels. Is there a better way to stay connected, bid, do trip trades, Skype and read Galley Gossip than with a netbook? One of these tiny laptops won’t weigh a flight attendant’s tote bag down, leaving plenty of room for more important things, like snacks. I love my Acer.

8. FOOD – Really, who loves airport food, and who can even afford it on a regular basis! That’s why flight attendant Henry loves the banana saver. I can see why. No one wants a bag full of mush. As soon I saw my colleague whip together a Cobb salad, using a hard boiled egg container to protect a key ingredient, I knew I had to get one. Which is the exact same way I felt when I saw a flight attendant pull a stainless steel lunch box out of a tote bag and place it directly in the oven – twenty minutes later, VOILA! A home cooked meal.

9. VIDEO GAMES – Not every flight attendant loves doing crossword and Soduko puzzles, including Travis, a commuter with a lot of time to kill. What’s on his Christmas list? The PSP 3000.

10. A LIFE – One that doesn’t include airports, airplanes, passengers, and nonstop complaining. In other words, a day off. Just a day off with a home cooked meal prepared by someone else. That’s it. Just a day off with a home cooked meal and maybe a massage. Nothing else. Just a day off, a home cooked meal, a massage, and…oh….I don’t know…maybe an ionic travel toothbrush sanitizer because a friend just pointed it out and now I’m a bit obsessed.

Photos courtesy of Heather Poole (Me!)

Galley Gossip: Airline seniority, bidding & working undesirable trips

by Heather Poole on
Dear Heather,

Since when do you have Oklahoma City layovers? Heather, Heather, Heather……I’ve always envisioned you as A View From The Top, Transcon, 767, New York to LA Princess. It’s really hard for me to picture you on a Super80 Oklahoma City two-day. What gives?

Yours truly,

Ron “The frequent-flyin, two-timin cheat“

PS Did Miss Oklahoma really sit in economy?

PSS Did your dress really rip because of that leap out of the crew van, I mean…. well, we ALL now know what you had for breakfast that day! LOL!

Dear Ron,

Ya just had to go and bring up the Cracker Barrel, didn’t you! Thanks a lot. It’s official, I’m now on a diet. As for Miss Oklahoma, not only did the lovely Miss Taylor Treat sit in economy, she sat in a middle seat! Not once did she complain about it, either. I know who I’m going to vote for in the upcoming Miss America pageant!

I completely understand why you might be disappointed to learn I’m not the transcon princess you’ve dreamt about. From time to time I really do bid for Oklahoma City / El Paso / Nashville / Kansas City layovers. I know it’s hard to believe, but It’s kind of nice to shake things up. No matter how great a trip may be, after awhile it gets boring knowing what passengers are going to say before they even say it and only stocking the beverage cart with diet soda, club soda, bottled water, and extra limes when flying back and forth from New York to LA. Anyway, ya gotta do what ya gotta do to hold the holidays off. My Oklahoma City layover was just the price I had to pay to spend Thanksgiving at home with family.

SENIORITY – Refers to a flight attendants years of experience. Years of experience with an airline is based on date of hire. Seniority is everything at an airline. It determines what trips a flight attendant can “hold” and whether or not a flight attendant will serve reserve.

I have fifteen years seniority at my airline, which isn’t much considering many flight attendants have forty – plus years with the company. That’s why I commute from my home in Los Angeles (one of our most senior bases in the system) to New York (our most junior base). In New York I can hold great trips. More importantly, I’m off reserve.

BID, BIDS, BIDDING – a request of choice routes made by each flight attendant to fly specific monthly schedules. At the airline I work for, our bid sheet offers over hundreds of lines to choose from. Bids are awarded by company seniority. Ever wonder why the flights to Asia and Europe are staffed by our most senior crew members? Because it takes a lot of seniority to hold the best trips!

Each month I bid for the exact same trips: San Francisco, Seattle, Los Angeles, San Diego, Las Vegas, and Dallas turns. Normally I’m awarded one of my top ten choices. But during a holiday month every flight attendant is trying to get the exact same days off, so I’ll bid a few “undesirable” trips just in case I can’t hold what I want. And that, Ron, is how I wound up with Oklahoma City layovers in November.

This month I got lucky. I’m off on Christmas eve, Christmas day, and New Year’s Eve! Of course it came at a price, a very steep one – a line of turns on the 757, and not just any line of turns, but a line of New York-Vail turns. I shudder just thinking about it. I mean what could possibly be worse than working a full 757 crammed with 160 passengers who all think they belong in first class. Not bad enough? Now imagine all those full length fur coats that MUST be hung at once in a closet barely big enough to house the coats and jackets belonging to those who are actually seated in first. And that’s just the beginning. We haven’t even taken off yet! But I’ll be home for Christmas and that’s all that matters.

Not to worry, Ron, things will be back to normal in January.

Happy Travels,

Heather

Photos courtesy of Heather Poole & Jennifer Pickens

Galley Gossip – Miss Oklahoma, Pop Rocks, a ripped skirt & other strange things on planes

by Heather Poole on

Obviously the best thing about being a flight attendant is being able to travel at a moments notice, as long as there’s an open seat available on the flight. The second best thing about being a flight attendant has got to be all those days off! The third best thing about being a flight attendant is that we never know what the day will bring, and being able to leave that day behind as soon as we step off the plane – the good, the bad, and the ugly. Or the not so ugly as was the case on my last trip.

“I’m sorry,” whispered my coworker, cutting his eyes at Taylor Treat, the winner of the Miss Oklahoma pageant this year. “But I’m prettier than her.”

I looked at her, looked at him, looked back at her, and tried not to laugh. Because…well…In his own special way my colleague did indeed give the beauty queen a run for her money, all 200 pounds of him, with flawless coco butter skin, lashes as long as J-Lo, and….wait a minute, was that gloss? His lips were unusually shiny.

“Why Andre…” I handed a passenger a can of Dr. Pepper. “I do believe you’re jealous!”

Snorting, he slapped a beverage napkin down on a tray table and turned to the last row of passengers. “Something to drink?”

Just another day on the job.

It had started out like any other day, only on this particular day when we arrived at the Oklahoma City airport I ripped my skirt leaping out of the crew van like a world class athlete. I don’t know what I was thinking, trying to make that five foot jump to the curb. The sound of fabric splitting caused my entire crew to gasp, which caused me to walk backwards, or sideways, depending on where passengers were located, as I made my way into the airport, through security, and onto the airplane.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that bad things can lead to good things. It’s true! Because if it weren’t for the ripped skirt I would have never met the passenger with the double-sided sticky tape, and if hadn’t met the sticky tape man, I would have never met the beautiful young woman sitting beside him, a woman who will actually be competing for the Miss America title in January. And that’s how I almost – ALMOST – got wear a sparkling crown during the beverage service. Only something tells me if I had worn it, Andre would have snatched it away and placed it on his own bald head.

One of the great things about being a flight attendant is that I meet all kinds of interesting people, flight attendants and passengers alike. Take for instance passenger 3B on our flight the day before. He sat in first class wearing a black polo shirt with the word POP ROCKS plastered across his chest in bright red letters.

“It must be an amazing feeling to walk through an airport terminal and make people smile,” I said eyeing the logo that now had me smiling my own first class smile.

He looked confused. “What do you mean?”

“Your shirt. It’s great. It brings back memories.”

Two seconds later twenty bags of Pop Rocks in the newest flavors were pressed into the palm of my hand. “I came prepared,” he said, and then went on to tell me that Mikey is not dead. In fact, not one kid ever exploded from mixing Pop Rocks with Coca Cola – in case you were wondering. You know you were!

Where are all those bags Pop Rocks now? Tucked away in my tote bag. They’re housed inside an airsick bag that was decorated with flowers, suns, and moons by an adorable five year-old girl named Hania who lives in Pakistan with two boisterous brothers who refused to keep their seat belts fastened and sit in their seats regardless of the illuminated sign or how often Hania and I told them to. I must admit, we became friends near the end of the flight, but I didn’t find the child all that adorable during boarding when she decided to lie down in the middle of the aisle in first class, holding up a long line of passengers who were trying to get to their seats. One would think her parents might try to move her along, but instead they just stood there smiling at me as I tried to coax the child off the floor and to her seat in the last row of coach.

Now back to the exploding candy housed in a bag featuring artwork by Hania. I’ve actually promised to send the Pop Rocks to a couple of people who follow me on Twitter that correctly guessed the number of passengers – nineteen – I had to personally ask to turn off and stow their electronic devices after the aircraft door had been shut and the announcement had been made. And that does not include the guy who sat next to my jumpseat on landing who decided to pull out his blackberry and start texting.

“Excuse me!” I said, eyeing the device.

“Oh,” he said, and turned it off.

Two seonds later a young man seated a row back pulled out his cell phone, the glow of the display illuminating his face in the dark. I could see his fingers dialing. I could also see the twinkling lights down below on the ground. I yelled from my jumpseat, “Can you turn that off and keep it off until we land, please!”

The commuting pilot sitting beside the kid just shook his head. Then he passed me a 4 x 6 photograph of a beautiful chocolate brown horse that lives on a farm in upstate New York. Very soon that horse may find himself saddled up on a couple of green acres in Texas. The pilot and I spent a good ten minutes talking about the benefits of having a horse, and now I’m thinking about taking a western style vacation with the family. The people you meet, the places you want to go…

Eventually we, the crew, as well as the Captain’s electric guitar, made it to our layover hotel in Oklahoma City. Once inside my room, I whipped open the floral print curtains, looked across the bare parking lot, and spotted it – a Cracker Barrel restaurant located directly across a busy street. Honestly, I think everyone should visit a Cracker Barrel at least once in their lives. It’s that good. The following morning I unleashed my inner Brittney (Spears) and dug into a plate of chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes with gravy, and green beans. It was more than worth the calories, and anyway, calories don’t count while traveling! Not when traveling today is like being on an episode of Survivor in that you never know what’s going to happen. You’ve got to be prepared, not just for the worst, but for anything – especially if you’re a flight attendant. Three hours later I ripped my skirt.

Galley Gossip: 5 tips for getting through airport security quickly

by Heather Poole on

With Thanksgiving fast approaching and Hanukkah, Christmas, and New Year’s following right behind it, more people than ever will be flying in the upcoming weeks. That means only one thing. Holiday travelers will soon be taking over the airports. It won’t be pretty. Long lines will form at security, the kind made even longer by passengers who have yet to master the techniques needed to pass through airport security swiftly and smoothly. That’s why it’s so important to get to the airport early.

As a working flight attendant I’m able to flash my crew ID and bypass the line – one of the few remaining perks of working for an airline. Hey, don’t get mad at me. Because the last time a passenger threw a fit, pushing me out of the way while screaming about his flight that was about to depart in five minutes, he not only wound up on my flight, forty five mintues later, but on my side of the business class cabin. It was an awkward flight for both of us.

When I’m not traveling in uniform, I always pick the line that has the most business travelers in it, regardless of how long it may be. Frequent fliers know the drill. They’re quick, they’re fast, and they’re always ready to go. As the mother of a three year-old, I know what’s it’s like traveling with kids. It ain’t easy. But by the time the family of four realizes that the stroller needs to be placed on the belt along with the car seat, and that little Johnny’s shoes must come off – even if he is only six months old – I’ll be long gone, on my way to the gate. I’m not just a flight attendant, I’m a commuting flight attendant, so if there’s one thing I know besides uncomfortable seats and bad food, it’s how to pass through airport security quickly.

Here are five tips to get you through security faster…

1. BE PREPARED – Have your ticket and ID out and ready to show the TSA Agent before you approach the podium. Otherwise step aside! And take your bags along with you. Often times I hear passengers complaining about TSA, but it’s always the passengers who are running late, traveling with too many bags, and unfamiliar with airport procedures I find to be a problem.

2. TAKE IT ALL OFF – So what if there are five passengers ahead of you! Don’t wait until it’s officially your turn to begin the strip down. Now is the perfect time to de-shoe, whip off the belt, and remove the jacket. Stop complaining about it and just do it – please! And while you’re at it, place your cell phone, loose coins and any jewelry that could set the alarm off inside your bag. Really, you don’t want to keep going back and forth through the X-ray machine, do you?

3. GRAB A BIN (or two) – There’s not a lot of time or even room to get organized on the table, so why not begin the process of preparing the bin on the floor? Toss shoes and jackets into one bin, the computer (and only the computer) inside the other bin. NOTE: TSA requires computers to be scanned separately when passing through the X-ray machine. Stack the computer bin on top of the clothing bin and slide it along with your foot.

4. SHARE THE SPACE – With a rollaboard, a tote bag, and two plastic bins, you could very well take up the entire space on the metal table. This will only slow the security line down even more. Try placing the two bins that have been stacked together on the table while you continue rolling your larger bag behind you, the smaller bag resting on top of the rolling bag. Now other passengers can get their stacked bins up off the floor, moving the entire process along for everyone.

5. NOW GO! – It’s your turn. Grab the rollaboard and huck it up on the belt, sending it along first. The smaller bag follows. Separate the stacked bins. Send the computer bin first. Last, but not least, your shoes go. Only because no one wants to wait behind the passenger hopping on one foot, trying to get dressed, as the bags smash into each other causing a bag jam on the other side. Now walk through the X-ray machine and quickly yank the rolling bag off the belt. Place the smaller bag on top of the rolling bag. Push the two bins down, down, down to the very end of the belt. Slide the computer into your smaller bag and your feet into your shoes. If there’s a bench nearby available, use it!

Good job. See ya on the flight!

Photos courtesy of Redjar and Redjar

Galley Gossip: Enforcing rules in flight!

by Heather Poole on
Hi Heather,

I listened to your Frommers podcast recently and found it very funny. I especially liked your comments about people’s attitudes to flying and the bit about control freaks. It made me realize what I’ve suspected for some time which is that I am a control freak, especially when flying!

My last trip a couple of weeks ago I ended up shouting halfway up the plane at another passenger who got up to stroll to the toilets when the seat belt signs were on. They were the latest in a line of many and had also stopped to have a little chat with their mates on the way back. Being British I get a bit huffy about people not following instructions, I think it’s a national quirk, and, normally being British I might just have carried on muttering to the lady next to me along the lines of “Well really, can people not read, what’s the point of putting the signs on, what are the crew doing about it, nothing etc etc”. But it was a miserable flight in economy on Continental across the Atlantic and the fact that I’d unexpectedly just had to pay 5$ for a bottle of white wine vinegar was doing nothing to improve my temper.

I’d like to report that the effect of my outburst was instantaneous, that the guilty party sat down and no one else got up. Sadly she just shouted back “I’ll go to the toilet when I want to, thank you VERY much.” Everyone between her and me on the flight went quiet and I just felt like a right idiot. I bought another bottle of white wine vinegar and fumed quietly for a bit, half wishing we’d hit a bit of turbulence next time someone got up when the signs were on, “to teach them a lesson.” How sad is that! Next time I’ll do as you suggest and try and relax more!

Regards,

Marie B.


Dear Marie,

Your letter cracked me up and now you’ve got me thinking that I may have been British in a past life or something because I, too, am a bit of a rule follower. Nothing drives me crazier than a passenger who thinks they’re exempt from following the rules. Really, how many times do I have to ask someone to turn off the electronic device before takeoff? Hello, Mr. Exit Row, I know what you’re doing all bent over like that with your head crammed between your knees. Do ya really think that I think you’re whispering to the floor? Please, do me a favor and don’t make tap, tap, tap you in front of your seatmates who are now giving you the evil eye. I mean really!

On a flight years ago I spotted a woman speaking on her cell phone AFTER the safety video had ended while we taxied to the runway. Without thinking twice I told her to turn it off. My husband, now completely mortified, slunk down in his seat. Why? I wasn’t wearing my uniform. I was a passenger. The one not following the rules gave me a dirty look and continued talking on the phone. That’s when I embarrassed my husband even more by unzipping my tote, pulling out my crew ID and flashing it at her. Abruptly the call ended. So ya see, Marie, we have a lot in common. Looks like we both need to take my advice and relax.

On a flight from New York to Los Angeles last week, the seat belt sign turned on and a passenger decided that that would be the perfect time to stand in the aisle with a newborn baby in his arms. A flight attendant passed through doing a compliance check and politely told the passenger that the seat belt sign was on and to take a seat. The dad smiled and started doing the bouncy bounce. Five minutes later he sat back down. It took everything inside of me not to say anything to the man. Once again I wasn’t in uniform. Also, I had promised my husband I’d never flash my badge off duty ever again. So I sat there thinking, what’s wrong with people!

Between you and I – okay fine, you and I and all of Gadling, I’m glad there are passengers like you, Marie. Next time you’re one of my flights, I’d like to buy you a bottle of overpriced white wine vinegar – vinegar? Until then take care, try to relax, and know I’ll be thinking about you on my flight next week when that passenger, there’s always one, decides to break the rules.

Heather

Gotta question? Email me at Skydoll123@yahoo.com

Photos courtesy of Caribb and Shreyans Bhansali