Galley Gossip: Advice for the employees of US Airways

by Heather Poole on
Heather,

Yesterday the flight attendants got terrible news at US Airways. THREE base closures. Mine included. In all these years, I’ve never commuted. And now, gone early next year: BOS, LGA and LAS. We got the news in the crew room. Some of the senior girls started to tear up. One cried, “I have thirty years, I’ve never commuted.” The base is closing and we didn’t even receive any information on base transfers, voluntary furloughs, whether or not we can keep our parking lot space, bidding packets from the other bases and seniority lists to help make a decision. Any tips? Prayers? An Article to educate us newbies?

Sincerely,

In shock

Dear in shock,

I’m sorry to hear about the unfortunate news. I understand why you and your colleagues are frustrated and upset. Honestly, I’m not sure which is worse, your airline closing three bases or the fact that they did not alert employees until the last minute, only to do so with little to no information. These are your lives we’re talking about, not just base closures! While commuting is not always easy, it is doable, and chances are you might even become a better flight attendant because of it. I know I did. First, here’s the prayer you’re looking for. And now for a few tips…


1. EMBRACE IT – Now that you’ll be traveling like a real passenger….wait a minute, take that back, you’re the farthest thing from a real passenger. You’re at the bottom of the standby list and there’s nothing you can do about it. So stop fighting it and learn to enjoy it – as much as you possibly can. I do so by reading – a lot.

2. CHOOSE A BASE WISELY: Don’t choose the base with the best flying if you won’t be able to get there easily. Pick a base that offers several flights a day from your home city. And don’t go where everyone else who has just been displaced wants to go! I can’t tell you how many Dallas commuters think I’m crazy for commuting from California to New York. Yet their standby list is insane compared to mine. Not only do I always get on a flight, I usually end up with a pretty good seat! That’s because there aren’t that many LA commuters who work in New York. It also means in a worst case scenario the jump seat is mine!

3. GET CREATIVE: Because the flights are usually full, it’s not always easy getting to work. Prior to 9/11, I would fly to Toronto and connect to New York in order to avoid holiday traffic. Yeah, that was a little crazy, but it worked, even during the busy Christmas season! And don’t forget that sometimes those “thru” flights really aren’t thru flights at all. Many often stop at a hub city. Get to know these flights well, the ones that are scheduled to arrive in Kansas City but actually make a quick stop in a hub city, and then jump off and connect to where you really need to go.

4. BACK IT UP: Commuting can be stressful, which is why I arrange my schedule so that I’m only commuting once a month. I’ll back up my trips and work for several days in a row, flying as many hours as I can until I get the hours I need for the month. Sure it’s a killer, and half the time I have no idea where I am, whether I’m coming or going, but when I’m done I have the rest of the month off to recuperate. Don’t t waste your “days off” trying to get to and from work.

5. BID SMART: Forget about layovers. They no longer matter. Bid for “commutable trips.” Look for late departures and early returns. The layovers might be short, but this will enable you to travel to and from work on the days you’re scheduled to work, allowing your days off to remain just that – days off. That’s why we took this job, isn’t it – for the days off? If you do choose to back up your trips, look for a late departure on the first day of your first trip and an early return on the last day of your last trip. This will make bidding easier because what you work in-between these two trips won’t matter in terms of commuting.

6. FIND A CRASH PAD: If on reserve, find a crashpad and you won’t have to sleep in flight operations. I’m sure there’s a bulletin board somewhere in ops where you can find fliers from fight attendants looking for roommates. A crashpad usually averages around $150 per month. Or try calling airport hotels / motels offering free shuttle service to and from the airport and ask if they offer a “crew discount” on rooms that will only be occupied for a few hours. Once I overheard a pilot refer to this as an “emergency crew rate.” He got the room for next to nothing. Share the room with a fellow commuter to save a little cash.

7. GET TO KNOW THE GATE AGENTS: Agents have power, big time power, because they’re the ones controlling the seating chart. They decide whether or not you’ll get a middle seat – or if you get on a flight at all. Do yourself a favor and make friends with these people. It won’t be easy. They’re just as overworked as we are and they hear the exact same moans and groans from passengers as we do, so tread lightly, don’t become another one of their problems, and always, ALWAYS, respect the counter. Stand at least ten feet away. Remember, whether you’re an agent or a flight attendant, we’re all on the same team. Let’s try to treat each other that way.

8. WATCH THE WEATHER CHANNEL – It’s important to know what’s going on weather-wise around the country. If there’s a storm in the forecast on the day of your commute, you might want to get out a day earlier. If that’s not possible, make sure to get on the first flight of the day! Do not get caught up in delays that are bound to come later on in the day. A cancellation will nine times out of ten ruin your chance of getting to work. Save the “missed trip” for a time you really need it.

9. TRIP TRADING: If you don’t know how to do a “trip trade” you better learn quick! Often times, while commuting, there’s not enough time to ask for help when you desperately need to change your schedule. Otherwise you can do what I do and pay someone to do the dirty work for you. If I’m at the airport and unsure if I’m going to make it out, I’ll call my “trip trader” who will either drop the trip or trade it for a different trip later on in the month. If not for my trip trader, I don’t know what I’d do. She truly works magic and is worth every penny.

10. BECOME A BETTER FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Now that you’re stuck in a crap seat with nothing to do but analyze the flight attendants, you’ll have a better understanding of how the other half lives. I can honestly say I’ve mellowed out because of my commuting lifestyle. I now have a lot more patience and empathy for passengers than I did when I first started flying. Not only will this make you a better flight attendant, it will make you a more rounded individual. That, I think, is a gift.

Once you get over the initial shock, you and your colleagues will be just fine.

Good luck!

Heather Poole

Photos courtesy of carribb – US Airways, Heather Poole – woman reading & crashpad fliers

Galley Gossip: A memorable flight for a first time flier

by Heather Poole on

I knew something was up when an attractive woman wearing a fur vest walked to the back of the airplane during boarding and pulled my coworker aside on a flight from Dallas to New York. I couldn’t really make out what they were saying as I set up the galley, shoving snacks in a drawer and stacking cups in an insert, but it had something to do with a kid who had spent his entire summer babysitting while his friends went on vacation. The woman, it turned out, was the aunt who wanted to do something special for the boy, something that his friends had never experienced.

“Ya think he can visit the pilot during the flight?” asked the woman smiling brightly. “It’s his first flight.”

“No, I’m sorry, we don’t do that anymore, not during the flight,” said my coworker. “But you can take him up there now while we’re still boarding.”

The exchange reminded me of a conversation I’d had with a guy who recently told me about a memorable flight he’d had as a child. It happened back in 70’s when passengers actually dressed up to travel. He’d fallen asleep next to his mother and awoke to find that a pair of wings had been pinned to the lapel of his jacket. Not only did he keep the gold American Airline wings, he shared a photo of the jr. pilot wings, circa 1977, that the flight attendant had given to him aboard a B707. “It was the strangest thing,” he said, reflecting back on the flight in awe. So strange, in fact, the experience may have been life altering. Bryan is now a pilot who also creates aviation T-shirt art.

Bryan isn’t the only one who has experienced a memorable flight while growing up. I’ve heard several amazing stories over the years that have actually affected me! Now whenever I have kids on board I make it a point to march them up to the cockpit to meet the pilots. If they’re lucky they’ll get to push a few buttons and might even get a copy of the flight plan after we land. You never know whose future you may be shaping with one simple push of a button and a handful of paper.

With that in mind, I stowed the plastic mallet I’d been using to break the ice and made my way up the aisle to the front of the aircraft where I could see a familiar furry vest standing just outside the cockpit door. “Do you have a camera?” I asked the woman.

That’s when my colleague magically appeared with an iphone and said, “I’ve got it,” as she snapped a photo of the boy sitting in the Captain’s seat, a boy I would soon come to know as Cade, which is the adorable boy pictured above wearing the pilot hat. I decided to interview Cade later in flight.

NAME: (Spelling) C. A. D. E. W. I. L. L. I. A. M

AGE: 6

Where do you live, Cade? White Oak, Texas.

What are you going to do while you’re in New York? See the Lion King

Fun! Make sure to visit Toys R Us and ride the ferris wheel, too. So tell me, what did you like best about the airport? The restaurants. And how the airplane is parked right beside the airport.

What did you like best about visiting the cockpit? Steering

What’s your favorite thing to do on the airplane? Look out the window.

If you could be anywhere in the world, where would you want to be? On an airplane, except not in this seat. It’s not a good seat.

Yeah, I know what you mean. First class seats are much better. Where do you think you’ll travel to next? Antarctica. Wanna know what I want for Christmas?

Sure. A baby penguin. But it might be hard to keep up with.

You might be right. I know a pilot named Kent pretty well who likes to answer questions. If you could ask him a question, what would it be? What states have you been to?

Good question. I’ll see if I can get him to answer it. Do you know what you want to be when you grow up? A scientist. Because I can draw dragons and ghosts and cars. Want me to draw you one? Want me to write you a story?

Of course! I’ll get you a piece of paper so you can get to work….

THE INTERVU ON THE PLANE, by Cade.

One day I got on a plane. And I got an intervu. And who did my intervu? Was Mrs. Heather. My Captin was sleepy so I helped him out and got to drive the plane. We got to New York!

What a great story! I’m really impressed. Okay, now do me a favor and draw a picture of a dragon while I double bag the coffee and offer the pilots a cup.

Galley Gossip: Laviators – the best of the best contest!

by Heather Poole on

Last week a producer from ABC Nightline News contacted me about doing a story on the laviators – THE LAVIATORS! I know, it’s weird, I can’t believe it myself. But one of their corespondents actually happened across my blog after surfing around Youtube where they found people doing all sorts of bizarre things in airplane bathrooms. Of course I asked if he’d seen my video, 25 ways to use a maxi pad in flight, but he had not, so I emailed it to him right away. What he had seen, it turns out, was Michelle’s funny laviator music video featured below.

“Michelle really stepped it up a notch,” the producer said matter of fact over the phone.

“That she did!” I agreed. Then I added, “She’s also the one responsible for getting the word ‘laviator’ into the urban dictionary! Now if only we can get the word ‘lavatar,’ as in a laviator avatar, in there as well.”

The producer laughed, and then went on to describe the club as “hysterically weird” and asked what might compel someone to take pictures of themselves in the lavatory.

Honestly, I’m still trying to figure that one out myself, and I’m the first official laviator! Although I’m pretty sure it has something to do with boredom. Or maybe it’s just exciting to do something a little risque – and weird – on an airplane. Then again, it could be all of the above. Who knows. All I know for sure is the end result is fun.

After pitching his story idea, the producer assured me he’d be back in touch. That was over a week ago and I still haven’t head from him. Well that got me thinking. Let’s have a best of the best laviator photo contest!

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That way ABC Nightline News will have no choice but to feature the club on their award winning show when they see just how amazing the laviators truly are. How about if I narrow it down to a few of my favorite shots and you be the judge? Come on, what do you say? Don’t be scared. It’ll be fun! Winner gets a free Laviator T-shirt donated and designed by Windtee, a maker of aviation T-shirt art. All you have to do is click on the photo gallery above, choose your favorite laviator, and then scroll down to the bottom of this post and cast your vote by Tuesday, October 27! That’s it.

Not a member of the laviators club yet? What the heck are you waiting for! On your next trip pack a camera in your carry on bag and then, when the seat belt sign is turned off, nonchalantly slide it into a pocket before making your way to the lav. Once behind the locked door, start clicking away. Don’t be shy. Get creative! As soon as the flight touches ground, make sure to email your photo to me – Heather DOT Poole AT weblogsinc DOT com (or submit it to the Gadling Flickr pool) – and I’ll include it in the official laviator photo gallery. Who knows, perhaps you’ll even make it into the best of the best laviator contest, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll see yourself on ABC Nightline News. Hey, you never know!

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Galley Gossip: Can an average Joe date a flight attendant?

by Heather Poole on

Hi my Name is Mark and I’ve wanted to date flight attendants for years, but like a lot of guys I don’t get the chance to chat with them much. When you see one that’s friendly and smiles a lot and is nice, those are the ones you want to kidnap and take home to mom and can I keep her….LOL. There are many that are snotty and hateful and you want to tell them what they can do with their job. My opinion is that the job gets the best of them and they get big headed. My question is this, is there a dating site where an every day Joe like myself can find a flight attendant for dating? Is there such a thing? Can you write me and let me know or I’ll keep looking, I guess.

Mark,

The answer is yes, an average Joe can date a flight attendant. Just like an average Joe can date a nurse or a lawyer or a sales clerk or whoever it is Joe wants to date. All he has to do is ask! It all boils down to the approach. Of course Joe’s personality has a lot to do with it, too. Always remember, nice guys get nice girls, and you’ll be fine. They do!

You mentioned that you don’t often get a chance to chat with many flight attendants. Well that’s your first problem, Mark, and it’s a big one! Communication is the key to any relationship, especially if you want it to last. If you aren’t able to say hello and make small talk with the one hovering over your seat waving a beverage napkin, how on earth are you ever going to ask that special someone out? My advice to you is to start by opening the window. What I mean by that is ask a simple question like, are you laying over in (insert city)? Do you know of anywhere good to eat in (insert city or airport)? Ask an open ended question that the flight attendant can easily answer. Simply say something other than what you’d like to drink. Don’t forget to say please and thank you, and try making eye contact when you do so. Kindness goes a long way.
As for kidnapping a flight attendant, I do believe you’re joking. (At least I hope you are) And that’s a good thing – the joking, not the kidnapping! It means you have a sense of humor. Flight attendants prefer fun passengers over miserable passengers. As for taking your flight attendant home to mom and “keeping her,” please don’t use that line ever again. Most women I know won’t find it funny. Only because mom is the last person we want to meet at the end of a long work day. Not to mention, we don’t like to be “kept.” Against our will. In a tent. In the backyard. Regardless of what mom may think. I’m just saying…

It’s unfortunate to hear you’ve come across so many unpleasant flight attendants. But telling a person where to stick their job, regardless of how unprofessional they are, isn’t exactly the best way to react. It’ll only scare off any other flight attendants you may be interested in. Personally, I don’t know many flight attendants who are snotty and hateful with big heads. Big hair, maybe. But a big head? No, not a one. I mean we pick up trash at 30,000 feet for a living from anywhere up to fourteen hours a day after a ten hour layover at a dumpy airport hotel! What I do know are a lot of flight attendants who are tired and hungry and often times treated not very nicely by aggrevated passengers looking to take out their frustrations with the airline on someone, anyone! And that person usually ends up being the flight attendant who gets stuck listening to the complaints for hours on end. Take advantage of that situation, Mark. Be a breath of fresh air and become the guy who understands how hard the job can be. Flight attendants love to be understood.

While there are dating sites like crewdating.com, I recommend using a regular on line dating site. Only because you don’t want to limit yourself to just women who wear navy blue polyester, do you? Keep your options open! You never know who you might meet. Back when I was single and dating on Match.com, I dated quite a few doctors who were interested in flight attendants, but I also dated men who were interested in dating just me. I ended up marrying a guy I met the old fashioned way – on a flight. Eight years later we’re still going strong.

If you’re truly serious about dating a flight attendant, Mark, check out the following letter from Lewis, a guy who knows what it’s like, really like, to date a flight attendant, and you might just change your mind. Life with a flight attendant might not be what you think.

Good luck!

Heather

PS. Lewis walked down the aisle last year with a wonderful woman who works on the ground, not in the air, and is now living happily ever after.

A LETTER FROM LEWIS …

Dear Heather,

I thought I’d add a different perspective…what it’s like to be the guy who is dating a flight attendant. ALL red-blooded American men dream of dating a flight attendant. My turn finally came and I was in awe. I then was rather surprised that the glamorous life we were led to believe didn’t really exist. I found flight attendants have one of the toughest lives out there, and to this day I don’t understand how they endure it. My suspicions are…those who can’t take it drop out in the first year, leaving those who can.

I had absolutely no idea that flight attendants (god forbid one slip and say stewardess) didn’t merely go to the airport in time for a morning flight, fly during the day, only to return and sleep in their own bed each night. I was introduced to the world of “trips,” “bidding,” and “seniority.” Since Delta hadn’t hired in many years, my particular flight attendant with many years seniority was still at the bottom of the list, meaning her four day trips frequently consisted of frequent short hops.

I was horrified…and mystified…that essentially flight attendants get paid door closing to door opening. ALL that work-heavy time boarding….is their “contribution to the airline.” All the time waiting with the door open for a mechanical delay is on them. All the time waiting for the last granny to deplane and wait for a missing wheelchair…again on them.

They report two HOURS before a flight….out of the “goodness of their heart.” I was even surprised they weren’t paid on layovers. My strongest belief is that flight attendants should be paid from the second they check in on the first day of their flight until the second they check out on the last day of their flight…even if this means the semi-artificial high flying time pay is reduced. I AM aware that those with seniority would take advantage of this and suddenly WANT the short hops, leaving those with less seniority with the longer flights, but even still…I feel that since they are on company time and rules even when on a lay-over…they should be paid.

It’s not as easy as a flight attendant may feel on their companion. They are gone for four days, on a average, for a trip. The night before a trip, gosh forbid their partner turn on the TV…they need their rest….and forget romance that night either. The night they return, they have a desperate need to get rid of the frozen smile on their face, and have zero desire to talk…they HAVE been talking for four days. The first night home, their companion is to have wine, dinner, a hot bath ready and to ready mute, but at their beck and call. Now six out of seven days have been used. The day after a trip, their companion better be darn ready to go out on the town…it’s their night to party, shop, enjoy the town.

I was extremely surprised to find out a flight attendant wasn’t ecstatic to hear from their loved one at length during a lay-over. I THOUGHT, how nice, they’re alone in a room in a hotel, so they would appreciate a long phone call for companionship. Instead they are working at removing the fixed smile, have been talking all day, can’t really have a drink to relax, and basically want to be alone, probably catching a sports event on TV. I was even surprised that sports was big in their lives until it dawned on me….they can’t really get into a TV series, as they will miss so many episodes, so they learn to watch something that is a one-time event.

So, their life is tough, and their companion has to be totally understanding. I was absolutely unable to understand when economic times got tough, that somehow the airlines felt the flight attendants must be the source of their economic difficulties, so removed crew meals. Let me get this straight…away from home, so no access to your own fridge….so you have to BUY a ridiculously-priced airport sandwich? Let me get this straight, no crew meal, so you have to serve meals to all the passengers, but not get to have one yourself? At Least the CEO’s did away with their own corporate dining rooms. (AS IF.)

Then some bright guy figured out….hey, they have nothing to do after passengers deplane, let’s have the FLIGHT ATTENDANTS clean the plane! Ignore the fact that they aren’t getting paid at that point and essentially every flight attendant I’ve ever met has chronic back and knee problems.

Still, I just can’t help it. I still adore flight attendants. I still am in little boy awe of these goddesses of the sky. I think their absolutely PERFECT grooming and make-up is so appealing. (I’m aware that that perfect grooming comes at a price of yet ANOTHER hour of their own time in their room preparing for the flight…but wow, the results!)

I found it funny how basically EVERY flight attendant will name the SAME city-city flight as the horror flight, the OMG NO I have to fly from this one city to THAT one city? MOST of the flight attendants also have the same celebrity they chose for horror stories. I was sad, that even though International flights have the best pay, the best time spent for hours paid, that it wounds flight attendants with the time changes and hours, so they get burned out.

Congratulations on your blog, and keep up the good work.

Lewis

Galley Gossip: How to get free beer in flight

by Heather Poole on

Recently I read an article on News.com.au about a passenger who stole a few cans of beer from a beverage cart and then tried to flush the evidence – the empty cans, not the liquid – on an Air Canada Jazz flight. The pilot diverted the plane and the nameless thief, 23, was arrested for causing a disturbance on an aircraft. Like most airlines, Air Canada Jazz has zero tolerance for unruly behavior.

It did not come as a surprise to read about the passenger who had been caught stealing liquor, because I’ve come across quite a few sticky fingers myself over the years squatting in front of an unmanned cart or walking out of the galley with minis hanging out of their pockets. Yes, I made them put it back! What shocked me about the whole thing was the fact that the passenger actually tried to flush those aluminum cans down the toilet! Seriously, that’s crazy!

Once, years ago, on a Sun Jet International flight, a passenger decided an hour before landing that a fire extinguisher would make a wonderful souvenir. Somehow, I don’t know how, she managed to stuff the large red bottle inside a duffel bag and hide it under the seat in front of her, and she did it without anyone seeing her do so. The extinguisher only found its way back into the metal brackets behind the last row of coach after we, the crew, made several PA’s threatening to search every bag on board the airplane, which happened after we made a few other PA’s about not allowing anyone deplane until the fire extinguisher was returned – no questions asked. Not too long ago a passenger lo and behold “found” an egg McMuffin just sitting on my jump seat and figured it was for the taking. If the guilty one had not already bitten into my breakfast sandwich I would have snatched it back. I can’t even tell you the number of times my magazines and books have disappeared right out of my tote bag. People do crazy things on airplanes.

Now back to the beer-drinking-aluminum-can flushing idiot who didn’t have to steal the liquor which resulted in an arrest and probably a fine that was much higher than the price of an adult beverage. Really, there are ways to get free alcohol without causing an in flight disturbance, ya know. Oh sure it depends on the crew and the airline and what’s going on that day, but here are a few ways to increase your chances…

HOW TO GET FREE BEER ON A FLIGHT

  1. Switch seats. When the family with small children scattered all over the airplane asks if you mind switching your aisle seat for a middle seat, do it! Just make sure the flight attendants are watching.
  2. Assist. It’s seconds before departure and you see a flight attendant struggling to get those last bins shut, give her a hand. She’ll remember who you are.
  3. Speak up. The jerk in the last row is going on and on about his miserable day and now he’s taking it out on the crew. They can’t say anything, but you can, and they’ll be glad you did.
  4. Lie. Tell the flight attendants they’re doing a wonderful job and this is the best flight you’ve ever been on. Thank them for making your day.
  5. Brag. Let it be known just how many miles you’ve flown on the airline and then tell the crew why, exactly, you’ve flown so many miles and why, exactly, you’ll continue to fly those miles.
  6. Be Polite. Saying please and thank you and making eye contact actually goes a long way
  7. Don’t ask! Even if you think you deserve it.

Stories of booze gone bad in the skies