Galley Gossip: Flight attendant pet peeve #6 – The run around

by Heather Poole on

My job as a flight attendant is to be there in case of an emergency. Until then, I’ll do whatever I can to make sure your flight runs as smoothly as possible. That’s why I’m there. That’s my job. And while I enjoy my job tremendously, there are a few things that annoy me.

Scott Carmichael touched on one of those things in his recent post, 10 passengers we love to hate: Day 8 – passengers who misuse the flight attendant call button. Whenever someone abuses the call light, I often times wonder if I’m unknowingly on an episode of Punk’d. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind when passengers use their call lights, it’s there for a reason, but there is a limit as to how many times you should use it. Fifteen times on a three hour flight is a bit much, don’t ya think?

Another thing I find a bit much is when passengers can’t seem to get it together, passengers who have a tendency to run me ragged, passengers who treat me like their own personal slave assistant. Here’s an example of what not to do on a flight…

We’ve just finished the service and that’s when I hear it – DING! Immediately I look up at the flight attendant panel and see that a passenger on the right hand side of the aircraft is calling. I step into the aisle, scan the cabin, and when I locate the light, I begin walking toward the single orange glow.

I reach up, push the button, and the light turns off. “Is there something I can get for you?”

“Diet Coke,” you say, and because you’re asking so soon after the service is over, I assume you were asleep when we came through the aisle with our carts.

“Sure, I’ll be right back.” To the rear of the aircraft and into the galley I go. I grab a plastic cup, a can of soda, and a napkin. Then I head back to your seat, placing it all on the tray table in front of you.

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Two seconds later I hear it again – DING! It’s you. I walk to your seat and ask if you need something else. You nod. “Is there anything to eat on board?”

“Of course!” I rattle off a list of snacks and the price per each snack.

“I’ll take the sandwich.”

“Good choice.” I make my way to the galley and grab a turkey sandwich, a couple more napkins, and then head to your seat again. “That’s going to be-“

“Do you have any complimentary pretzels or nuts?”

“I’m sorry, but we only have snacks for sale. We do offer a bag of mixed nuts for $3.”

“Can I take a look?” you ask as you unwrap the plastic around your sandwich, drop the bread onto a napkin, wad it up, and hand it over to me.

Okay. With the discarded bread in my hand, I make my way to the back of the aircraft, toss it into the trash, grab a bag of nuts, and two seconds later I’m standing at your row. “Here ya go.”

Slowly but surely the bag is inspected. You shake your head and hand it back. “I’ll just take the sandwich.” You point to the overhead bin. “Can you hand me my bag? My wallet’s inside.”

I pop open the bin and pull down the bag down, but because you’re not ready to take it, I continue to hold it as you rearrange the items on your table. As I’m waiting, waiting, waiting, you ask, “Can I get another blanket?”

“I’ll see if I can find you another one,” I say, emphasizing the word another since you’ve got two already, one of which I gave to you earlier in flight. I’m still holding onto the bag with one hand as I begin to open and close overhead bins with the other. There are no extra blankets to be found and that’s exactly what I tell you. “Sorry,” I add, because I am sorry, sorry I’m always saying sorry.

“Great,” you mumble, rolling your eyes, taking the bag, and dismissing me by placing your headphones back in your ears.

Ten minutes later I’m walking down the aisle. When I get to yourseat, I collect your trash without saying a word. I’m just two rows away when I hear it again – DING! I lean back and ask, “Yes?”

Silently you hand me a single napkin, store your tray table, and without taking your eyes off the movie screen, ask for a glass of water.

“Certainly.” I look at my watch. Just three hours and twenty two minutes to go.

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Layover: New York

by Heather Poole on

If you ever find yourself at La Guardia or John F. Kennedy International airport with a little sit time on your hands between flights, sit tight. Traffic in New York is terrible and you don’t want to miss your flight. But if you’ve got four hours or more to kill, how about doing what flight attendants do. Grab a cab and head on over to Forest Hills, New York, which is located right next to Kew Gardens, otherwise known as Crew Gardens, which is located in Queens – just a short fifteen minute taxi ride from La Guardia and twenty minutes from JFK.

TAXI! Tell the yellow cab driver to drop you off on Austin Street and 71st Avenue in Forest Hills (off of Queens Boulevard). That will put right smack in the middle of everything. Austin Street is where it’s at in terms of restaurants and shopping. There are even a few movie theaters if you’ve got the time. Approximately six blocks long, Austin Street has everything you could possible want within walking distance. When you’re ready to head back to the airport, give Kew Gardens Car Service a call and they’ll pick you up from wherever you are.

JUST WALK AROUND: After being cooped up in a germ infested flying tube for hours on end, there’s nothing better than fresh air. Forest Hills is a wonderful place to just walk around and relax. It was named best cottage community in 2007 by Cottage Living Magazine. The homes are a mixture of magnificent and charming.

Start by walking down 71st street, right past the Forest Hills train station and Forest Hills Inn, and then take a left on any street you prefer. Let the exploring begin. I’ve been living in the area for more than 14 years and the beauty of this place never ceases to amaze me. Don’t worry about getting lost, the streets are in alphabetical and numerical order.

GRAB A BITE TO EAT: Even if you’re sitting in first class, airplane food is airplane food. Here are a list of my favorite places to grab a bite on Austin street…

  • 5 Burro Cafe – A great place to grab a drink and eat Mexican Food, but go early because the place gets packed.
  • Latin Cubana Express – Short on time, grab the picadillo to go! Don’t forget the plantains
  • Martha’s Country Bakery – A nice place to relax over a cup of coffee and a carrot cupcake – mmm…heavenly!
  • Narita (Japanese) – A little on the pricey side, but the hibachi is totally worth it.
  • Nick’s Pizza – is practically famous for it’s thin crust pizza and vinyl booths.
  • Pahal Zan – A hole in the wall, but serves the most amazing Israeli falafel and kabobs.

“Or you could just tell them to go to the Jackson Hole Diner,” my husband said when I told him what I was writing about. “A cab would only cost about $8 from La Guardia and that’s where they’d find the biggest hamburgers they’ll ever see in their lives.”

Forest Hills, New York

Galley Gossip: A question about dating pilots – gay pilots.

by Heather Poole on
Dear Heather,
I flew a MIA-JFK yesterday and thought of you. These were the highlights…
  • Family of 6 in first class made the purser cry
  • Customer service agent boarded the plane to calm passengers down which caused a late push back
  • Lady got dizzy and needed oxygen in economy
  • Lady ran from economy to first class lavatory seconds before take-off
  • We missed our roll
  • No kosher meal made a Jewish lady cry
  • Had to do a “go-round” at JFK
  • Late arrival
  • Missed international connections
  • More yelling passengers

It was a total scene! By the way, can you possibly find a nice pilot for me to date? He doesn’t have to be HOT, just cute enough, and nice…oh and a pilot. LOL

Ron

Dear Ron,

Thank you for thinking of me…I think. I mean that was a crazy flight you experienced and I’m not so sure I want to be connected to that kind of drama. Now if you’d said it was a great flight and you thought of me, I’d be thrilled. But a bad flight? Not good. And that’s exactly why I avoid the NY – Miami route at all costs. It’s always a tough trip to work.

As for finding you a cute pilot to date, I’ll definitely keep an eye out and I’ll pass the word along to my mother who is also a flight attendant. Though that might not be such a great idea, considering one of the worst pilot dates I ever had was a blind date my mother arranged with a 757 first officer from New York. Not that I can pick them any better. My friend Cady, on the other hand, always had good luck with pilots and even married one. Perhaps her husband, an international Airbus Captain based in Miami, can be of assistance.

I have yet to meet a gay pilot – that I know of. Now I know they’re out there because my friend Stephen is dating one. Not to mention, I’ve heard quite a few scandalous rumors in the galley, rumors I will not share with you here, only because they are just that – rumors. That said, I have met a couple transgender pilots and mechanics throughout the years who were more than happy to discuss their experiences, like Jamy Spradlin, who recently regained her wings after the Federal Aviation Administration delayed renewing her flying license for nearly a year as they analyzed her psyche for stability after she started hormone replacement therapy.

Recently I read an interesting book, Cockpit Confessions of an Airline Pilot, by Stephen Gary Keshner. Midway through Keshner discusses what it was like to be a Jewish pilot and why he hid his religion from his coworkers. If Keshner felt he had something to hide by poking fun of his own religion to throw his colleagues off, I can only imagine how gay pilots must feel when talk turns to dating and family. Take it from me, it’s not always easy working with such a diverse group of men and women. Half the time you’re meeting someone new on each and every trip, which means you’ve got to learn quickly how to work together, meshing different personalities in a confined metal tube for hours on end. At least I have the opportunity to escape a coworker I may not be getting along with by working in a different cabin. I can’t imagine what it must be like for pilots, especially gay pilots, who may not feel comfortable sharing details of their personal lives.

On a side note, The NPGA, National Gay Pilots Association, is an organization promoting aviation safety and equal treatment. They provide scholarships to help earn a degree in aviation and access to legal and medical assistance, as well as a social and professional network for gay and lesbian members of the aviation industry, from pilots and students to flight attendants, mechanics, and air traffic controllers.

Another way to find the pilot of your dreams, Ron, is to check out aviation dating web sites like Crewdating.com and Love-is-in-the-air.com. Personally, I’d skip the dating sites and just do what my friend Cady was doing when she met her husband – hang out at Starbuck’s in the airport. You’re bound to run into a ton of crew members grabbing a quick jolt of caffeine before a long flight. I know that’s exactly where I’m going to be before my flight to San Francisco departs tonight.

Good luck with your search and happy travels!

Heather Poole

Have a question? Email me! Skydoll123@yahoo.com

Budget summer vacations: Manhattan Beach, California using Homeaway.com

by Heather Poole on

When my husband called me on my cell to tell me we had to move out of our house for a week while the hardwood floors were being refinished, I just stood in the middle of the food court at New York’s John F. Kennedy international airport and sighed. It’d been a long two days of flying the unfriendly skies. Not to mention, the last thing I wanted to do on a day off was spend my valuable time confined in a cramped hotel room near the Los Angeles airport with my husband, three year-old son, and crazy cat, a twenty pound Maine coon.

“Are you serious?” I asked, falling into a plastic chair in front of a dirty table near McDonald’s.

“It won’t be that bad,” my husband reassured me from all the way across the country where he sat, I imagined, feet propped up on his desk. “I’ll get us a suite at the Residence Inn.”

“Oh. Okay,” I said, even though it was not okay, as I racked my overworked brain for other places to stay that might be okay, and that’s when it hit me. “Wait! Don’t book anything just yet. I’ve got an idea.”

“This idea better not cost more than the Residence Inn,” my husband said before we said goodbye and hung up the phone.

For the record, there’s nothing wrong with the Residence Inn, but why stay in a hotel when there are other places to stay, better places to stay, like vacation rental homes right near the beach.

The first thing I did when I got back to my crashpad was change out of my navy blue polyester monkey suit and log onto the computer. I typed MANHATTAN BEACH VACATION HOMES into the search engine and soon found myself on the web site Homeaway.com. I scanned through hundreds of beautiful photos of amazing homes in Manhattan and Hermosa Beach, which is just a short twenty minute drive from the Los Angeles airport. I just knew there had to be something we could afford. On the beach. Under $1000/per week.

I was wrong.

Well, not entirely wrong, because all the places we could afford on the beach were either too small or already booked. Undeterred, I pressed on and found myself touring homes that were way out of our price range. I couldn’t help myself. And then I did something crazy. I emailed the owner of a $5,000/a day Italian villa.

I wrote, “Okay fine, I’ll take it off your hands for $2,000 a week.”

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Not that I had $2,000 for the week, I just figured I’d…well…figure it out later.

As I’m sure you may have guessed, I didn’t have to figure it out later. The Italian Villa owner wrote back, “That’s funny.”

I decided to try funny again. And again. And again. I must have emailed about twenty different vacation home owners. Finally, while impatiently waiting for my bags at LAX, Jay, the owner of a three-bedroom, two-bathroom, ocean front property in Manhattan Beach, California, called to inform me that the dates I had inquired about were open.

“Tell him!” my husband snarled when I told him we were in luck.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. “There’s a bit of a problem, Jay. It’s just…well…$1,900 for seven days is too much money for us spend, so we’re going to have to stay at the Residence Inn.” And then I added, “Sorry,” because I was, in fact, oh so sorry, sorry I wouldn’t be enjoying a beautiful view of the beach.

“How much is that place going to cost you?” Jay asked matter of fact.

I told him.

“Fine. I’ll take it,” said Jay. “Plus $100 for a cat deposit.”

And that’s how I scored an amazing deal on Homeaway.com! The cat has never been more relaxed.

10 Passengers we love to, umm….not like as much as the others: Day 4 – The passenger who tries to score a free first class seat

by Heather Poole on

In Grant Martin’s post, The top 5 myth’s about getting an upgrade, he wrote…

Flight attendants have no control over who gets upgraded when there always might be one last business class passenger coming down the jet bridge right before departure, so they can’t give away a seat. After the boarding door is closed? Maybe if you’re discreet, but with everyone watching, the flight attendant will most definitely say no.

Now I don’t know if Grant was ever a flight attendant, dated a flight attendant, or spends a lot of time in the galley talking to flight attendants, but he’s absolutely right! Flight attendants do not have upgrading powers. But agents do, so make sure to talk to one before you board. That said, the only passengers I’ve ever seen upgraded for free after the door has been shut were uniformed military personel…and…well…they kind of deserve it, don’t ya think?

Below is a list of 10 types of passengers who don’t deserve an upgrade, but give it a shot anyway….

1. I-think-I’m-a-frequent-flier passenger – “I’m a frequent flier and…” That’s how it starts. First of all, I can spot a frequent flier a mile away, so please don’t tell me how many miles you’ve flown because that’s my first clue you haven’t flown as often as you think, not compared to our frequent fliers today. See those passengers sitting in the exit row, as well as the first three rows of coach? Those passengers are at the top of the upgrade list. The best seats on the airplane are held and/or blocked for passengers who fly tens of thousands of miles each year. Anyway, real frequent fliers know the drill, they know what to expect, and they know where, exactly, their name is on the upgrade list, which means I don’t have to tell them they won’t be getting an upgrade, the way I’m telling you, because they know, that I know, that they know exactly what’s going on.

2. The curious passenger – “Hmm…I was wondering…is first class available?” asks the passenger who has just sauntered very…slowly…down…the aisle, checking out all the empty seats in first and business class on their way to their seat in coach. The answer to this question is no. First class is almost always booked full, so just because you see a few open seats does not mean those seats are available. Many of our frequent fliers spend time relaxing in private airline clubs and often times will be last to board the flight. If for whatever reason Mr. First Class does not make the flight, Mr. Exit Row will be taking the seat before you.

3. The injured passenger – Comes on board limping, moaning and groaning as soon as he/she spots me standing at the aircraft door greeting passengers and immediately begins the old bad back and knee routine. There’s no way they’ll be able to endure an entire flight cramped in a coach seat, I’m told, even though they already knew this when they purchased their tickets in coach online months ago. Hey I feel your pain, I know flying is not easy, but that does not equate to a free upgrade. However, if I can find a few extra pillows and blankets (they’re not always on board), I’ll do whatever I can to make your flight more comfortable. Just keep in mind there’s only so much I can do.

4. The inconvenienced passenger – Either their headsets don’t work, the reading light is out, the seat doesn’t recline, I ran out of the beverage of their choice, or there’s a smelly person sitting beside them, whatever it is, and it’s always something, they believe they’re entitled to a first class seat because of the inconvenience. If there’s another seat available in coach, you’re more than welcome to it, but there’s no way I’m moving you from coach to first class when there are seats available. Click here to find out why.

5. The charming passenger – “Wow, what a great smile,” says the passenger who is now squinting at my gold plated name tag pinned to my blue lapel. “So how are you doing today, Heather?” Although this passenger is always nice and polite, my favorite kind of passenger, whenever someone uses my name the alarm in my brain automatically begins to ring – alert, alert, special request coming! Nine times out of ten this passenger works in sales and while they may be successful on the ground, they’re not so successful at 35,000 feet.

6. The ill passenger – I wrote about this passenger in great detail in the Galley Gossip post, The passenger didn’t ask for much. Oh you remember her, the passenger who asked for a first class seat, a business class mug, help to the bathroom, uncooked veggies and potatoes, and then had the nerve to tell me she would be deplaning first, even though she sat in coach. Look, I’m sorry you’re sick and I’ll bring you all the Ginger ale, hot tea, damp towels, and barf bags you need, but just because you don’t feel well does not give you the right to a first class seat, not when you should really be at home, not barfing all over our premium passengers.

7. The surprised passenger – This passenger seems genuinely shocked to learn you have to actually pay for a first class seat. I’ve seen this passenger wander on board and make themselves comfortable in a plush leather seat located in one of the first rows of the airplane, reclining the seat all the way back, propping their feet on the foot rest, and treating themselves to a glass of champagne. “I just thought you might be nice,” a passenger once said after I told her she and her husband could not stow away in first class, not when they paid for a seat in coach. While I am nice, I’m not that nice.

8. The honeymooning passenger – Whenever someone tells me it’s their honeymoon, I know exactly what they want, big time special treatment. And I give it to them. I ask about their wedding and talk to them about where they’re going and I might even make an announcement to congratulate the happy couple. But I don’t move them up to first class. Even when times were good and airlines weren’t furloughing employees and going into bankruptcy every other week, I didn’t upgrade honeymooners just because they decided to take their relationship to the next level and tie the knot.

9 The celebrity passenger – I’m a celebrity get me out of here! is not just a television show, because I’ve actually seen it happen on the airplane. Now I’m not naming names, but years ago I had a very famous singer known for his long blond locks who purchased a seat in coach and then demanded to be upgraded for free because he said he’d be “mobbed” in coach. All I can say is, my how times have changed. Because today I’m pretty sure that the singer who recently broke up with – I better not say – only wishes he could get mobbed in coach.

10. The combination passenger – This is the worst type of passenger, Pulling every trick in the book, this passenger has no shame and will stop at nothing in their quest for a free upgrade. Trust me when I tell you there’s always a multiple number of issues going on here. Like sometimes they’re honeymooning and inconvenienced, while other times they’re injured and also charming. It doesn’t matter what they are, they just are, and I’m the lucky one who gets to hear all about it until the end of the flight.

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