Amazing Race 13 recap 8: Kazakhstan makes Bizarre Foods look tame

by Jamie Rhein on

India was easy compared to Kazakhstan–sort of. This week’s Amazing Race 13 was a glance into some of the more unusual aspects of Kazakh culture. As teams sped through the streets of Almaty, even though much of the city looked western and urban with architecture that reflects its former Soviet Union ties, the teams experienced more of Kazakhstan’s agricultural tradition than perhaps is apparent in Almaty daily life.

I’m not sure how much more I learned about Kazakhstan, but I do know what not to order in a restaurant. Plus, Borat made this country famous, something the teams referred to when they found out this is where they were heading.

Travel Tips:

  • If you’re a vegetarian don’t attempt to eat the rear end of a sheep
  • If you make a mistake, the quicker you admit it, the faster you can make up time
  • If you ask people directly for help, you’ll have much better luck than just randomly shouting out, “Can someone give us directions?”

Cultural traditions and Recap: If you find yourself in Delhi and want to head to Kazakhstan, there are three options: through Frankfurt; through Dubai; and through Moscow. In the Amazing Race, it doesn’t matter which flight you are on because when your team shows up to the Alel Agro Chicken Factory in the middle of the night, you’ll have to hang out until 7:30 a.m. when it opens. That means the team that went through Dubai (Andrew & Dan) had time to get there by the time the gate opened. As a bonus, the sunrise over a chicken farm was lovely.

Once the gate opened, the first task of the day was the mad dash to the clue box. Nick, in true competitive spirit, snatched a clue right out of Andrew’s hand, thus propelling Nick & Starr towards the Fast Forward with Terrence & Sarah close behind.

While these two teams tried to down soup made from the butt end of a sheep as belly dancers danced, the other teams donned white jumpsuits, masks, shoe coverings and gloves in order to find one of seven golden eggs among the 30,000 chickens that were milling about the chicken shack.

As the chickens clucked and pecked, one person from each team cajoled the chickens to move in order to find one of the prized eggs. As the team members searched, the other team members clutched their masks to their faces and shouted encouragement. Although I wondered about the stench, I’d rather have done this then the Fast Forward.

Downing the soup was a dreadful process that probably Andrew Zimmern of Bizarre Foods would have had trouble with. Both Nick and Starr tried not to barf with each bite while Terrence tried not to barf as soon as he eyed the guy eating the sheep’s head. Terrence, a vegetarian hadn’t eaten meat for 15 years.

Sarah gamely scarfed her gross looking soup down, but it was too much for Terrence. Why they didn’t give up sooner? I have no idea. Instead, they watched Nick and Starr almost make it to the last bite before they headed back to the chicken factory to look for their golden egg. I was curious about what else the restaurant served. Here’s a link to other food descriptions that sound much better, except I would not want to eat sheep’s head.

As soon as each team found their golden egg, they hopped into a giant crane truck with a driver who was to take them through the city to Koktobe Arch at the foothills of the Tienshan Mountains.

Dallas & Toni were off to the foothills first, while Dan & Andrew had the worst luck–again. Their driver had no idea where to go, and in their resulting miffed state, the guys had a hard time attracting positive energy and someone to give them directions. Instead they thought that the Kazakhs were the “worst people,” even though people in this country have a reputation for their great hospitality.

Toni and Dallas made it up the mountain first. There they were met by Mongol warriors dressed in traditional warrior attire riding on horseback. One of the warriors was a falconer who waited with them for a falcon to sweep in with the next clue held in its claws. That was cool. And, there was a brief glimpse of the beauty of the surrounding mountains. No time to linger, though.

Once teams got their next clue from the falcon, it was off to either dress up in a two person cow suit to find a glass of milk while walking through Almaty mooing at people, or to learn how to play a simple tune on two Kazakh instruments. Each team picked dressing up like a cow –even Sarah & Terrence once they backtracked from their failed attempt at the Fast Forward.

The cow costumes were part of a children’s puppet theater troupe. Dallas & Toni had a great time with their mooing and met with many laughs and smiles from the people they passed. Andrew & Dan, growing weary of each other, had a hard time getting people to help them with directions by continuing their poor tactic of yelling out something like, “Can someone help us?” It took awhile for them to attract help.

Tina & Ken found the milk stand fairly quickly, Tina downed a glass she found on the counter even though it was warm. Unfortunately, she didn’t notice the clue on the bottom of the glass. Off this pair went, searching for another milk stand before they figured out their mistake. Back to the stand they went to get their glass. Then they made the mistake of taking off their cow suit at the puppet theater before heading to the meat stall in the Zelyoniy Bazaar, even though, Toni & Dallas, seeing them, told them they needed the cow suit. The meat market person wouldn’t give them Tina & Ken the clue, so back they went to change into the cow suit once more.

By this time, Toni & Dallas had already found their last clue and were heading to the Pit Stop at Old Square where they came in second behind Nick & Starr.

By the end of the episode excitement ensued as Dan & Andrew messed up and took a cab to the Pit Stop from the meat market. Phil sent them back so they could return to the Pit Stop on foot. He told them to hurry. They hustled. The hustling paid off.

Who was eliminated?: Sarah & Terrence. Despite Sarah & Terrence’s success with each task once they gave up in the Fast Forward, it wasn’t enough for them to edge out Andrew & Dan. Andrew & Dan were ecstatic to find out they were still in the game.

Although disappointed, this couple who uses endearments for each other in about every sentence took the loss in stride. Terrence just can’t eat meat. It’s as simple as that.

Words of Travel Wisdom: Saying things like “Good job my love,” makes difficulties easier to take. Even if you don’t win a million dollars, traveling with the person you want in your life can give you great things and make a relationship stronger. Money can’t buy happiness. (It could help though, don’t you think?)

What Nick and Starr won: Horsepower wave runners. This is the first time a team has arrived at the Pit Stop in first place four times in a row.

Personally, I’d like another team to come in first once in awhile. I was also sad to see Terrence & Sarah go. I’ll miss hearing their endearments.

“Let’s build a city… there!” The world’s 4 least impressive planned capitals

by Aaron Hotfelder on

Cities tend to develop the way living organisms do– they begin their lives as small and simple creatures, they eventually flower into maturity, and some occasionally decay and die out. Cities are located where they are– Paris is on the Seine, Sydney is on the Pacific coast– not because central planners decided that’s where they should be, but because of the choices of individuals. The decision was made from the bottom-up, not from the top-down.

But it doesn’t always happen like this. Sometimes well-meaning bureaucrats, or even megalomaniacal dictators, decide that a city should develop the way they want it to– in exactly the place they want it to. The results are almost universally disappointing.

This problem is especially acute with capital cities, which are often thought to represent countries in important ways. Because of their symbolic nature, government oficials like to locate capitals in just the right place. Their intentions are often pure, but (to paraphrase an old saying) the road to a bad city is paved with good intentions.

Here are the top four worst planned capital cities in the world:

4. Brasilia, Brazil

Brazil’s capital is one of the best examples of a planned city gone awry. In the late 1950s, Brazil’s president ordered the construction of a new city, Brasilia, which would be the new, more centrally-located capital. At first, the city grew wildly, and its rate of growth (over 2%) is still above that of most large cities. But Brasilia is not thought of very highly by its residents, other Brazilians, or tourists.

The city was built more for the automobile than the pedestrian, so getting around can be difficult, confusing, and expensive. On the plus side, Brasilia is known for its impressive modernist architecture– it’s a UNESCO World Heritage site. Still, the city is too cold and impersonal to be thought of as anything but a massive disappointment.

3. Astana, Kazakhstan

If there’s one fact about Astana that shows how characterless it really is, it’s this: “Astana” literally means “capital city.” Charming!

Though Astana has existed under different names for almost two centuries, it was only a small mining town until the mid-1950s, when Nikita Khruschev decided it would become an important grain-producer. After replacing Almaty as Kazakhstan’s capital in 1997, Astana has experienced a dramatic transformation, with a population that has doubled to 600,000 residents.

Like Brasilia, Astana boasts some impressive architecture, but is still rather bleak and humorless. Dozens of ambitious construction projects are underway, however, so the city’s future is not without some hope.

2. Belmopan, Belize

What if the government moved the capital city and no one came? That was more or less the situation when Belmopan became Belize’s capital in 1991 after a hurricane destroyed the previous capital, Belize City. Home to only 8,100 residents, mostly government officials, Belmopan is the quintessential government town, lacking virtually any flavor or charm.

My Lonely Planet guidebook describes the city’s tourist appeal thusly: “Travelers arriving in Belize’s capital are faced with that most basic of all existential questions: What am I doing here? Thankfully, the town provides a ready answer: changing buses.”

1. Naypyidaw, Myanmar (Burma)

Naypyidaw became Myanmar’s capital only three years ago, after the ruling military junta apparently decided that Yangon had become too crowded and congested. However, some suspect that the real reason the capital was moved to such a remote locale was to make invasions and rebellion more difficult. One Indian journalist wrote that Naypyidaw was “the ultimate insurance against regime change, a masterpiece of urban planning designed to defeat any putative ‘color revolution’ – not by tanks and water cannons, but by geometry and cartography.”

Last year, the New York Times euphemistically called the new capital a “work in progress,” and noted that the city may be the world’s only capital without cell phone service or international flight connections.

New York cigarettes to cost 9 dollars a pack. In Kazkhstan, the price increases to 32 cents.

by Aaron Hotfelder on

Smokers in New York already face some of the highest prices for cigarettes in the country. But last Wednesday, the New York legislature approved a $1.25 tax hike on cigarettes, meaning that taxes alone on a pack in New York are a whopping $4.25, not including a roughly 8% sales tax. Add it all up and a pack of smokes in New York is likely to cost around $9.00. Ouch!

This all got me thinking: Where in the world are cigarettes the cheapest? And more importantly, how can I smuggle a couple hundred thousand packs into New York and sell them for a handsome profit? I think I’ve more or less discovered the answer to the first question, but I’m still working on the second.

A table produced by the World Health Organization (maybe a couple years old) shows that one pack of Marlboros or an “equivalent international brand” costs about $1.70 in Argentina. As much as I’d love to spend some time in Buenos Aires, I have a feeling I can track down a cheaper pack.

In China, an international brand costs about $1.57, which is sneaking down into my price range. The same thing in Ghana will run about a buck-forty. Cigs in Egypt look to be about $1.17, and those in Georgia are a dollar even. But we can do better than that.

The cheapest “international brand” smokes are to be found in Indonesia, where even fetuses are known to light up every now and then. A pack in the steamy Southeast Asian nation will run you a cool $.62. I probably have enough in my couch cushions for at least a couple.

But enough of this hoity-toity “name brand” crap. Let’s look at some prices for the hard stuff– the kind of violent cigarettes that leave open sores in the mouths and throats of all those who dare to inhale.

A pack of the local brand in Brazil runs about $.88, and in Colombia you can pick one up for about $.64. But don’t pay those exorbitant prices– head to Azerbaijan and pick up a pack of what I’m sure are the smoothest, tastiest cigarettes you’ve ever had… for a whopping $.33.

Meanwhile, Reuters reports that Kazakhstan‘s government recently raised the price of a pack of off-brand smokes to a minimum of $.32. At that price, you almost can’t afford not to smoke.

But don’t say I didn’t warn you about the open sores.

Keeping the ‘Stans Straight, part 2: Kazakhstan

by Aaron Hotfelder on

Kazakhstan

Capital: Astana, moved from Almaty in 1997

Location: Central Asia, northwest of China and south of Russia; the ninth-largest country in the world

In a nutshell: This oil-rich ex-Soviet republic has been experiencing an economic boom recently, thanks to its wealth of oil and natural gas deposits. Though the economic conditions might be improving and president Nursultan Nazarbayev has been lauded by some for his reforms, Kazakhstan’s government is still plagued by corruption and many freedoms are still curtailed.

How you know it: Fictional home of Borat Sagdiyev.

Interesting factoid: Kazakh officials recently purchased a four-page ad in the New York Times to combat its backward, Borat-inspired reputation.

Make sure to check out: Any of the various sites from the Silk Road, which ran through the south of Kazakhstan. Photos here.

See also: Part 1 of this series, Kyrgyzstan.

Borat make new book

by Neil Woodburn on

We all laughed at Borat in the theaters, but does his humor translate onto the written page?

The answer is a definitive, sort of.

Our favorite Kazakh journalist has left the big screen behind and has recently released his first foray into the world of literature: Borat: Touristic Guidings to Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan; Touristic Guidings to Minor Nation of U.S. And A.

Pretty much all one needs to know about this book can be discerned from the title. The atrocious grammar and throttling of the English language that makes Borat so endearing in person is wholeheartedly carried over to the printed word. And so, we find words that sound funny onscreen, such as anoos, and struggle over them when they appear in the book.

Yes, the words lose some of their humor on the way to the printer, but are not entirely stripped bare. The book remains quite funny and equally disturbing in a demented sort of way, providing a slew of yucks on nearly every page. Some of the humor is subtle, such as an oversized Kazakhstan on a world map or the corresponding legend where X’s located near nuclear power plants, indicate “Regions of much retardation and ‘Strange Ones.”‘
A good part of the humor focuses on Onion-style absurdity. “It take me 7 week to qualify a doctor.” Borat comments in a section dealing with his education. “One of first operation I perform was to remove a demon that live inside the head of my brother Bilo. I do everything correct – I chisel hole exact size of kestrel egg and place dry fish inside Bilo’s head to scare the demon but unfortunate demon become angry with us and make Bilo a retard.” Okay, so you get the idea.

The rest of the humor borders on the more graphic–I’ve never owned a book with so many photos of penises. And barnyard animals. Ugh.

Nonetheless, Borat’s freshman remains an entertaining read best enjoyed in snippets when you’re looking for a little laugh to brighten up the day–but be careful because you’re just as likely to be freaked out or disgusted. But, I guess some people like that.

I suppose my only complaint, outside of the penises, of course, is the production overkill. The actual layout of the book is intended to appear as though it was produced in a third world nation that can’t afford all the same font, non-pixilated photographs, or even a ruler to ensure everything is aligned. Frankly, it’s a bit bothersome and the joke becomes worn-out very quickly. Just a few of these planned mistakes would have provided far more humor.

But I laughed, nonetheless, and that’s the whole idea of the book, isn’t it?