Russian man too drunk to notice a knife in his back

Man, those Russian can really drink! I mean, can you honestly be too drunk to notice somebody stuck a knife in your back? Not figuratively speaking–I know that happens all the time when one is intoxicated–I mean literally: a knife in your back.

As The Irish Examiner reports, a Russian electrician took the bus home from a vodka binge, ate breakfast and slept off his hangover never realizing a kitchen knife had been plunged into his back. The discovery was made by his wife who noticed the handle of the six-inch knife sticking out of his back when she went to wake him.

Yuri Lyalin, 53, said he had been sleeping peacefully before his wife woke him with the bad news. Fortunately, no vital organs were harmed, provided he still has any functioning vital organs left. I don’t think he would exactly make the liver donor list.

Apparently, Lyalin’s drinking partner is responsible for the stabbing. Why? The answer is engraved at the bottom of a vodka shot glass, my friends. I am sure he meant no harm.

Rolling Stone’s Matt Taibbi on life as an expat

Like so many expats, Rolling Stone journalist Matt Taibbi moved abroad right out of college. But since that time, he’s had about the most atypical expat experience you can imagine.

He played baseball in Uzbekistan for their national team, and was kicked out of the country by the KGB for criticizing the government in an AP piece he wrote. He moved to Mongolia and become the leading rebounder in the Mongolian Basketball League, where he was nicknamed the “Mongolian Rodman.” He then lived in Russia for ten years, where he helped found the deviously entertaining expat rag, the eXile, a bi-weekly which specializes in spewing vitriol at the deserving, and– take note– it is not for the faint of heart.

Personally, I’ve read almost everything he’s written for the last ten years, and what I love as much as anything are his descriptions of his life abroad. Realistic verging on depressing, Taibbi discusses the highs– in every sense of the word– as well as the lows, of life as an expatriate:

“The expatriate mentality is a tough thing to explain easily. Any affluent or even middle-class American who renounces the good life of sushi delivery and 50-channel cable television to relocate permanently to some third-world hole usually has to be motivated by a highly destructive personality defect. Either that, or something about home creates psychological demons that in turn create the urge for radical escape.

“I’d moved overseas straight out of college and been a classic expatriate ever since. I had all the symptoms: periodic unsuccessful attempts to repatriate, a tendency to try to make grandiose foreign adventures compensate for a total inability to accumulate money; bad teeth; unhealthy personal relationships, etc. I’d been aware for years that my passion for uprooting and completely changing my lifestyle and even my career was like a drug addiction– not only did I get off on it, but I needed to do it fairly regularly just to keep from getting the shakes.”

-from his 2000 book The Exile: Sex, Drugs, and Libel in the New Russia.

After moving back to the US, Taibbi covered the 2004 presidential election, but, as with everything, he did it his way. He followed around John Kerry while wearing a gorilla suit, interviewed the former US drug czar while tripping on acid, and wrote a fantastic book about the whole sordid, depressing affair.

For more, watch Matt on The Daily Show and The Colbert Report. Here‘s an archive of some of his columns.

Russian army selling towns

If you are presently on the market for a town, you might want to buy a ticket to Moscow right about now.

The Russian army is auctioning off property ranging from mansions to barracks, and even whole towns, to raise cash to build modern housing for its officers, writes The Guardian. Izvestia, the Russian daily, said that more than 20 army properties near Moscow, St Petersburg, Kaliningrad and Vladivostok would be offered to the highest bidders in the first auction on April 8.

Among the properties for sale are “fabulous mansions and guest houses, dilapidated garrison towns, unused shooting ranges and vast tracts of neglected land on which no human has set foot for years”. Izvestia claims that the army occupied more land than the territories of Greece or Austria.

Well, what do you think? I could be a great dinner party conversation. “Buying a house in Provence is so bourgeois, Herold. I just bought a town in Russia last week.”

Cities packed with billionaires

It has happened. Moscow has beat New York as the city most packed with billionaires, according to this Forbes research. Whereas New York has only 71, Moscow is now home to 74 billionaires (and probably also 740,000 starving people, but that is beside the point.)

  1. Moscow – 74
  2. New York – 71
  3. London – 36
  4. Istanbul – 34
  5. Hong Kong – 30
  6. Los Angeles – 24
  7. Mumbai 20
  8. San Francisco – 19
  9. Dallas – 15 (tie)
  10. Tokyo – 15 (tie)

The one that got me was Istanbul. Istanbul? What’s so lucrative going on in Istanbul? Why not Dubai?

What strange things have been found on planes?


Click the image to read the bizarre story…

Love from London: Tensions between Britons and Russians continue

Let’s face it. the relations between Britons and Russian have always been complicated to say the least. Olga Freer’s new book is apparently not helping.

Freer, the 23-year-old Russian author, who lives in London, has published a book called The UK for Beginners. Among other things, she describes Britons as a bunch of people who scratch their bottoms in public, don’t iron their clothes and are obsessed with television shows about buying and selling houses.

In an article entitled: From Russia with bile – you British are drunken oafs, the Sunday Times called the book the latest outbreak of Russian hostility. Freer apparently declares the Buckingham Palace “uninteresting”, British women fat yet confident enough to wear short skirts, and the conversations generally shallow. In Russia, even taxi drivers apparently talk about literature; in the UK here all people talk about is football.

It is the last point that particularly struck me. Isn’t it a little sad that all those educated (or at least well-read) people can hope to achieve in Russia is driving a cab?