The Sex Toy Vending Machines Of Spain

You’ve probably heard of the vending machines in Japan that sell used panties supposedly worn by schoolgirls. It appears Japan isn’t alone in having sexual vending machines in public places. Not far from my home in Santander, on Spain’s northern coast, I came across this innocuous-looking little cubbyhole. Its vending machines offer hot food, soda and snacks 24 hours a day.

It’s in between a bar district and the residential neighborhood where I live, so I popped in here one night for some potato chips to absorb some of the wine I’d drunk. It turns out I could buy more than potato chips. Further inside, out of view from the street but still completely open to the public of all ages, was a vending machine selling sex toys.

The picture is on the next page, and no, it’s not work safe (duh!).
Whatever entrepreneur thought this up was a genius. When you’re coming back from the bars late at night you always need something. If you’re a married guy like me, it might be something as mundane as a snack. If you’re getting lucky with someone you met on your fifteenth round of sangría, you might need some flavored condoms. If you didn’t meet the person of your dreams, you can at least cuddle up to a giant black dong for only €16.50 ($21). Just don’t forget the lube for €6.50 ($8.29) or you might wake up the next morning with more than your head hurting.

This isn’t the only dildo vending machine in Spain. A friend of mine came across one in a youth hostel where she was staying with her two little daughters. The girls saw it first because they were attracted by all the shiny colors. They asked what the dildos were and their mother, quite wisely, I thought, answered honestly and with just enough information to satisfy their curiosity. They shook their heads at the weird things adults get up to and soon forgot about it.

Spain isn’t some decadent place full of loners seeking out dirty vending machines. You can also find vending machines selling books. So far I have yet to see a vending machine that sells books and dildos. I’ll be sure to tell you if I do.

Disney plans an adult “Night Kingdom”

We all know where the mind wanders when a project that includes the words “adult” and “night” is planned. Add the word “Disney” to it and the very meaning of those two words together can go for a toss.

Yes, the beans have been spilled: Disney is planning a $520 million, adult theme park called a Night Kingdom where the only ‘hand job’ on the list entails your hand doing the job of feeding a hippopotamus.

If you fancy getting more adventurous, you will be able to go spelunking, get up close and personal with lions and hyenas, or frolic with penguins. Later you can unwind from your Indiana Jones adventures with a gourmet dinner, a musical performance and, if you’re lucky, a foot-rub from the two hosts who will be looking after you the entire time. Ok, so I added the foot-rub option, but like it or not, you will have two people at your beck and call. Only 2000 people will be able to enter at a time, there will be 4000 hospitality staff in the Kingdom, and opening hours will be from 4pm-12am.

Yes, Disney has found an adult market willing to pay $300 per afternoon for all this so full plans are underway; the theme park will open its gates in 2011 in conjunction with Walt Disney’s 40th Anniversary.

Who would have thought that adults would pay a premium to have exclusive “wild” adventures in Disneyland that don’t include strippers or S&M!? Word is that the project will be officially announced next month.