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Articles tagged “airplanes”

SkyMall Monday: SkyRest Travel Pillow

by Mike Barish on Nov 3, 2008

I suppose it’s about time that I used my SkyMall Monday bully pulpit to review a product that is directly related to travel. Sure, you could use the Double Umbrella on a trip to London, but what about when you’re en route to your destination? How will you arrive there well-rested and prepared to make the most of your time away from your empty, passionless life? Well, you’ll rest easy on your flight if you have the SkyRest Travel Pillow.

You could certainly purchase an airline pillow covered in lice and chlamydia or carry along one of those horseshoe shaped neck pillows that scream, “I’m a loser.” But studies have shown that the human body’s natural sleeping position is seated upright while the head and neck are tilted forward at a 68.4 degree angle. What studies? Hey, look over there!

Available only in dark seafoam green, the SkyRest Travel Pillow is inconspicuous and allows you to sleep while your fellow travelers are none the wiser. And it’s inflatable, so you know you’ll sleep like a baby once you have exhausted yourself filling it with air. Considering that it’s 14″ wide, 12″ deep, 11″ tall in the front and 17″ tall in the back, you’ll most likely have it inflated in time for the person next to you to take her first bathroom break. At which time I’m sure you’ll easily be able to move it out of the way for her.

And the best part? Since it rests on your lap, when the person in front of you reclines his seat, the pillow will be pushed back into you. It’s like getting a face massage in a fancy spa…but for free!

Just look at what the product description has to say about this fantastic product:

Why not join our many thousands of satisfied customers and enjoy the benefits of this uniquely different and very flexible travel pillow.

Yes, people who use this product like to be influenced by peer pressure and abhor proper punctuation. And while I have never actually seen any of these satisfied customers in person, I am sure that this person wishes that she had purchased the SkyRest Travel pillow before her flight. Don’t make the same mistake she did!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Galley Gossip: Middle Seat Etiquette

by Heather Poole on Oct 17, 2008

Flying back from Honolulu, I found myself crammed in a middle seat. Now I’m not a big person, just a normal sized person, and yet there I sat with my elbows held tight against my side, my hands resting in my lap, as the broken seat in front of me reclined much farther back than it should have. Oh yeah, I had a woman’s head an inch from my chest. Good thing I didn’t need anything out of my tote-bag, the one located under the seat in front of me, the one I could not reach if I so inclined. And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, things got worse, much worse.

The man sitting beside me, the one wearing the trendy dark blue designer jeans traveling with the family sitting across the aisle from him, claimed the armrest between us.

So what, you say? Wait…there’s more.

The elbow, the one attached to a very tan and muscular arm, crept over the armrest and kept on going until it found itself in my space – MY SPACE! Thank god my son, and not another adult, sat on the other side of me, so I could lean way over into the space my son did not yet prize. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried not to scream as I felt the faint tickle of manly arm hairs against my skin.

Middle seat etiquette, am I the only one who cares?

I’ll never forget when Cady, my best friend and old roommate, got called out to work a flight from New York to Los Angeles. This was thirteen years ago and we were on reserve and the thought of working a 767 transcon scared the heck out of us. We were new, brand spankin new, and that airplane was big, 160 passengers big! Keep in mind there were also nine flight attendants who knew exactly what they were doing, unlike the two of us, working on that gigantic bird! What made the trip even worse was that Cady had been called out to work the lead position on the 767. Cady, fresh from the charm farm, would be in charge for the next two days.

“How did it go?” I asked, practically leaping off the couch when she walked through the door after her trip the following evening.

Parking her black bag against the wall, she flopped down in front of the television on the lumpy sofa beside me. “I actually had to settle an argument between two grown men.”

I laughed. “Over what?”

“An armrest. And they actually asked to speak to the one in charge. Me!”

“What did you say?” I asked, and it was at this point I wondered if I should fetch a pen and paper to write down what she had said, just in case I found myself in the same predicament on a future flight. Hey, a flight attendant does not want to experience any unplanned emergencies.

“I just told them they had to share. One guy could use the armrest for the first half of flight and the other guy could use it the last half of the flight. What else could I say?”

Cady had a point. There was not much else to say. Share the armrest, I made a mental note.

While I have witnessed many ridiculous things aboard the airplane, I have not had the pleasure of seeing two grown men duke it out over an armrest. Fighting over a seat being reclined, yes. An overhead bin, every single flight. A first class seat upgrade, oh yeah. But an armrest, never. I’m so grateful for that.

Flash forward thirteen years and I would have loved for someone like Cady to have stomped down the aisle in a pair of black scuffed up Dansko clogs and ordered that beefy guy sitting beside me to share. Not that I would have even used the armrest if Fancy Pants had actually moved his elbow a good five inches to the left, but it would have been nice to have had at least a few arm hair free minutes flying from Honolulu to Los Angeles.

Middle seat etiquette, that’s what I spent the entire flight thinking about…

Leave the armrest for the middle seat passenger. The window seat passenger has the window, while the aisle seat passenger has the aisle, but the middle seat passenger has nothing, nada, zilch, so please, for the love of god, give the person in the middle seat something, anything, an armrest, please!
Do not hit the middle seat passenger in the head with your newspaper, even when the middle seat passenger is asleep and you are fairly sure they will not feel it.
Do not use the middle seat passenger’s tray table. Even if the middle seat passenger is not using it.
Do not put your feet under the seat in front of the middle seat passenger, no matter how long your legs are, even if the middle seat passenger is short.
Do not place your luggage underneath the seat in front of the middle seat passenger. The middle seat passenger has luggage, too.
Do not bring aboard a pet, choose an aisle or window seat, and then expect to put the pet under the middle seat because it does not fit under your seat.
Do not raise the armrest between you and the middle seat passenger, no matter how well you are getting along.
Keep your hair away from the middle seat passenger, no matter how pretty or how manly it may be.
Remember, middle seat passengers are people too!

As I sat there, going over the middle seat rules, that hairy arm resting a little too comfortably against mine, I flashed back to another middle seat situation I’ve experienced often – the open middle seat.

WOOHOO! I always think, whenever I see that open middle seat. I can not believe my luck. Nor can the passenger sitting on the other side of that same middle seat. I try not to get too excited, because one of two things are about to happen, and it most likely won’t be the good thing.

THE GOOD THING: The seat remains open and I enjoy a relaxing flight home.

THE BAD THING: The passenger flings their jacket or purse or stack of magazines into the empty seat, claiming the space as their own.

If the good thing happens to you, and the seat actually remains open, fantastic. You’re on a roll. Now may be the time to fly to Vegas and continue this amazing streak of luck at a table of cards. And don’t forget to take me with you.

If the bad thing happens, now is the time to act, and fast! Hurry, throw something of your own into the seat. By doing this you are letting the passenger on the other side know that this is shared space. Not their space. Shared space. Trust me, this reminder is necessary if you want the flight to continue without further incident. When the passenger pulls down the tray table and places a drink or a book on top, immediately place something of your own next to it.

What are you waiting for? DO IT!

Juvenile, you say? Whatever. Do what you want. But you may soon find a pair of bare feet rubbing against your leg. Oh it happens. It’s happened to me. Don’t let it happen you.

Do you have a horrible middle seat story to share? I’d love to hear all about it.

How much are those Heathrow landing slots worth?

by Grant Martin on Jul 16, 2008

Now that Open Skies is in full effect, carriers left and right are scrambling to take advantage of all of the sweet landing slots in the EU’s congested airports.

Case in point, London‘s Heathrow Airport. Most travelers flying into the United Kingdom prefer landing at Heathrow because of better connections and proximity to London via the Tube. But landing slots at LHR are all full, so whenever one opens up, competition is hot to fill it in. Similarly, carriers want to hold on to their high-value slots to make sure that any competition doesn’t come in and snatch up some capacity.

So what do you do when you can’t book enough passengers to justify flying in and out of your slot? This case might show up if, say hypothetically, you’ve been cutting capacity like crazy to save cash and demand is low because travel is so expensive. Sound like any economy you know?

In that case, what do you do with your landing slot? Well, according to BMI, or British Midland Airways, you keep flying. Without passengers.

British Airways did the same thing earlier this year to try to preserve landing slots and we figured that the subsequent disgust with their MO combined with the price of fuel would be a deterrent for other carriers to do the same thing. But I guess those slots are just too valuable.

Why not at least auction off the empty seats on the aircraft? I know that you have to pay flight attendants if you have passengers onboard, but I feel like you can make enough to pay a few employees and offset the price of jet fuel a bit. But I guess that would make too much sense.

Galley Gossip: Snacks on the plane

by Heather Poole on Jul 3, 2008

“Diet Coke,” says the passenger after I ask him what he’d like to drink. While I’m filling a plastic glass full of ice, he asks the question I hoped he wouldn’t ask, “Can I get a sandwich?”

“Oh…ummm…I’m sorry.” I make a face, the I’m-sorry face, because I am sorry. Really, I am. I’m sorry I have to say I’m sorry all day long. “We ran out,” I continue, and before I can tell him that we actually ran out of anything and everything edible on the airplane, he asks “What else do you have?”

I take a deep breath, because I really don’t want to tell this guy we have nothing, not one thing, so I make the face again, the I’m-sorry face, and decide to make light of the situation. “Diet Coke. Sprite. Diet Sprite. Pepsi. Diet Pepsi. Orange juice. Apple Juice.” He’s looking at me like I’m crazy, so I make the face again, oh you know the one, and say, “I’m sorry, but we ran out of everything. There’s no more food.”

“What do you mean there’s no more food!”

“We ran out of food,” I say again, as I oh so gently place a can of Diet Coke and a glass of ice on his tray table. What I don’t say is that we ran out of food hours ago, due to the fact the passengers were starving because of the hour and a half weather delay we took on the ground. What this passenger and I do not know, and will not know for another hour, is we’re going to have another hour and a half delay in flight because the airport in New York is closed due to more bad weather . “Sorry,” I say again, and I am, sorry I’m forced to say sorry all day long.

“This is ridiculous!”

I agree, it is ridiculus, but that’s the way it is.

Last week Iva Skoch wrote about Passengers Revolting on a flight out of Beijing that was canceled due to weather. Fifty-two pasengers refused to leave the aircraft, so they slept on the plane for over twelve hours. “The biggest irony,” Iva wrote, “And something I can’t see happening on America’s cash-strapped airlines, the flight attendants kept serving food and drinks to the protesters.”

Well there are two reasons you won’t see flight attendants in America serving drinks and food to “protesters” onboard a canceled flight throughout the night until the wee hours of the morning, when the airline is finally able to get people onboard another aircraft.

No food. At least there’s not enough to serve to everybody onboard. Sorry. These days flights aren’t catered full. Why? Don’t ask me. I’m just the messenger. But I’m sure it has something to do with those silly fuel prices. But who wants to eat airplane food that’s been sitting on an airplane for hours anyway? We’re talking astronaut food, people! We’re talking there’s a reason the fruit in first class doesn’t turn brown by the end of the flight.
No money. Flight attendants aren’t making a dime until the aircraft door has been shut and the airplane has backed away from the gate. Now keep in mind we’ve already worked the first hour of our day for free, which is by far the most chaotic part of flight – boarding. And you’re right, we did agree to work that first hour for free when we took the job, but there’s no way, no freakin way, we’ll work one hour more. Would you?

Which brings me to the point of this post (there is one, I promise) – snacks. I’m talking food. You should bring some the next time you travel. At least something. Anything! An apple, a cereal bar, instant oatmeal, whatever.

I know exactly what you’re thinking. Why should you have to bring your own food when you paid for a ticket? Because you paid for a seat. That’s it. And as soon as you realize that, the better your flying experience will be. I’m sorry (always sorry) but that’s the reality of the situation. Unfortunately traveling today is like a real life episode of Survivor. You never know what’s going to happen next and you never know when you’re going to eat again.

Oh I know it’s inconvenient to pack food. Trust me, I’m right there with you, carrying a white plastic grocery bag full of Jiffy peanut butter to-go, a brown banana, two slices of multi-grain bread, and an old package of instant oatmeal, as I undress my way through security and make my way through the terminal – Just in case! Forget the clothes, the books, the DVD – pack the food! Mechanicals, weather delays, and cancellations do happen, and they happen often.

Take my five hour flight yesterday that turned into seven and a half hours of starvation for the people onboard who didn’t bring food, or purchase food when they had the chance. Me, I had a chorizo and egg breakfast burrito from La Salsa at the San Diego airport early that morning and I was STILL starving by the end of that flight! I actually got down on my hands and knees and dug through a dirty first class cart looking for something, anything, to get me through the last hour. But there was nothing – not one thing to be had. Which is why most flight attendants I know always – ALWAYS – bring their own from home.

Oh hold on a sec, my cell is ringing… “Hello?”

“Flight Attendant Poole?” asks the stern voice on the other end.

Oh no. The company. What now? “Yes, this is flight attendant Poole.”

“Your flight to San Francisco tonight has been delayed.”

Spirit Airlines to start charging for MIDDLE seats!

by Grant Martin on Jul 1, 2008

Airlines have been doing anything they possibly can to raise money over the past few months, from checked bag fees to charging for soft drinks to increasing the price for almost everything that formerly had a fee associated with it.

Now, according to an article over at Smarter Travel, Spirit has decided to start charging extra for online seat selection.

Carriers have done this before — many current legacy carriers charge extra for sitting in an aisle or window near the front of the plane or in preferred seats. But what Spirit is proposing is to charge for ANY seat selected online before departure — even the seats that most people don’t want.

Fees will range from $15 for a window to $10 for an aisle to $5 dollars for a middle seat.

So if you want to sit next to a person that you’re traveling with or want to sit in a decent seat and want to pick your spots before departure, you’re basically screwed into paying these fees. It looks like you can still go to the airport the day of departure and get assigned seats, but there’s no telling who you’ll be sitting next to and where at that point.

[Via Airfarewatchdog]