Police Hunt For Lion In English Countryside (And Fail To Find One)

A mysterious beast stalks the fields of Essex, England.

Over the weekend local police received calls from a number of eyewitnesses who claimed to have seen a lion in the fields near the village of St. Osyth. One person even snapped a predictably blurry and inconclusive picture of the beast. I’m not a wildlife expert but it looks like a house cat to me.

Police took the sightings seriously enough to scramble two helicopters and a team of officers and wildlife experts. They also checked with a local zoo and circus but neither reported a missing feline. After a long search they found … nothing.

A police spokesman said the sightings were probably due to “a large domestic cat or a wildcat,” the BBC reports. Police have called off the search and told people to enjoy themselves outdoors while remaining cautious. They should also have told them to stop overfeeding their pets with chips and kebabs and wasting police time.

This odd incident is actually part of a much bigger trend in the UK. Alien Big Cats, as they’re called, are giant felines not native to the area where they are spotted. Of course they’re never actually found. That would ruin the fun. We reported on one jaguar-like creature in Scotland three years ago and that’s just a drop in the Alien Big Cat bucket. The Big Cats in Britain research group has collected 240 different reports so far this year.

So why do Brits see lions and pumas in their fields while Americans get buzzed by UFOs? I guess it’s just one of those cultural differences we should all celebrate and not analyze too much. So next time you’re hiking in the UK, be sure to keep your camera out of focus. You might just start the next wave of Alien Big Cat sightings.

Don’t scoff too much, though. One woman said she was attacked by an Alien Big Cat. I’ve hiked a lot in England and Scotland and while I’ve never been attacked by an ABC (yes, that’s what they call them), I did nearly get attacked by cows.

[Photo courtesy Jennifer Barnard. As far as I know, this particular cat has never been the cause of a lion sighting]

Warning to hikers: alien big cat spotted in Scotland

If you thought the only monster in Scotland was the one in Loch Ness, you thought wrong. Mysterious giant cats are stalking the land, and while many people consider them as big a hoax as Nessie, one has recently been sighted and filmed. The video, taken by an off-duty Ministry of Defense dog handler, shows what appears to be a black feline measuring, if you judge by some nearby railway tracks, to be about four feet long. It’s certainly way too big to be a normal cat and doesn’t look at all like a dog. In fact it looks for all the world like a jaguar, although jaguars don’t exist in the wild in Scotland or anywhere else in the British Isles.

Sightings of wild cats are fairly common in the British Isles and have been dubbed by the easy to remember moniker Alien Big Cat (that’s ABC). Many look like pumas or jaguars. The Big Cat Research group has gathered data on more than 5,000 sightings and has lots of photos on their website, some laughable, some downright eerie.

You might just fob this off as a bit of harmless mystery, or some pussy on steroids, but one Scottish woman was attacked by an alien big cat and required numerous stitches. After that incident local police warned people not to approach or feed any giant cats they come across. So if you’re planning a hike in Scotland, be careful. Oh wait, I’M planning a hike in Scotland. Uh oh.