SkyMall Monday: Trailer Hitch & Cradle Chairs

Football season is upon us and that can only mean two things: It’s time for tailgating and unrelenting gastrointestinal distress.

Nothing beats gathering with a dozen or so of your most sports-obsessed friends to eat sausages, steaks, burgers and other such indulgences at nine in the morning. How else will people know that you love your team? The problem comes after the meal and before kickoff. You’re bloated, gassy and in need of some relief. You can’t get back into your car because the noxious fumes emanating from your bowels could suffocate you. You can’t go into the stadium because they haven’t opened the gates yet. You don’t want to go to the bathroom in the parking lot because social mores prohibit your from popping a squat on the ground. All you need is a place to take the pressure off of your body.

Thankfully, SkyMall has just the thing to help you sneak in a pregame nap while all of those vitamins, minerals and nitrates course through your veins. When regular chairs aren’t enough, you need to up the ante. You need to keep your feet elevated and your buttocks properly supported after a breakfast of ribs and pulled pork. That’s why you look to SkyMall Monday. That’s why we’re looking at the Trailer Hitch & Cradle Chairs.The problem with regular chairs is that they sit on the ground. The ground is hard and once you’re full of meat and cheese, gravity begins to affect you more. It pulls you towards that hardness in a way that puts stress on your ankles, knees and GI tract. Soon, you’ll need to find a port-o-potty for more than just a tinkle. The last thing anyone wants is to have to sit down and do some real business in one of those bad boys. That’s why you need to reduce gravity’s (and pork’s) unrelenting pull on your organs as quickly as possible. The more relaxed you are as you attack that second six pack of Natty Light, the less seismic activity you’ll experience in your colon.

Think that normal chairs are perfectly adequate for tailgating? Don’t believe that a full slab of ribs is appropriate for one person to eat, let alone for breakfast before attending a football game at which they will most certainly indulge in french fries coated in cheese and/or cheese-like products? Well, why not read the product description while you munch on that apple and wonder why no one at the office ever invites you to happy hour:

Imagine the faces of your pre-game buddies when they see you kicking back in this! Innovative and patented design takes leisure to a whole new level, instantly bringing the laid back comfort of a hammock to your favorite campgrounds, tailgate parties and sporting events.

Yes, imagine the faces. Horror, disgust Awe, envy, concern over the tensile strength of the chair’s support beam.

Sure, you could bring a couple of beach chairs, but they take mere seconds to unload out of your car. Then you’ll have nothing else to do and get sucked into helping cook or, even worse, clean up afterward! By making your chair a complex system that must be securely fastened to your truck hitch, you ensure that you’ll be occupied for most of the tailgate preperation. By the time you’re done getting the chairs safely in place, the first round of bratwursts should be grilled to perfection and you’ll already be pretty buzzed. And isn’t that what football mornings are all about?

Take a load off (and keep a load out of your pants) with the Trailer Hitch & Cradle Chairs. Your hemorrhoids will be glad that you did.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Brobdingnagian Sports Chair

With summer in full swing, we’re all busy attending picnics, parades, baseball games and Renaissance fairs. The problem at all of those events, of course, is seating. Not just whether or not there will be a place to sit, but if that seating is deserving off housing your very important buttocks. You’re a big deal. Sitting on the grass simply is not an option for you. Using the provided seats is an insult. Bleachers? Bleachers are for average people. You’re special. You’re better than the riff raff waiting in line for corn dogs and funnel cakes. You have your corn dogs and funnel cakes delivered directly to you. You’re not part of the hoi polloi who wallow in their own peanut shell fragments. No, you’re above all that. And now you can physically be above it all. Thanks to SkyMall, you can elevate your stature and your person to show the masses that you are better than they could ever hope to be while also obstructing the view of those idiots who thought they had a right see anything. The next time you’re heading to that jousting tournament or checking out a double rainbow, be sure to pack your enormous Brobdingnagian Sports Chair.Big chairs deserve big names. Brobdingnagian is from Jonathan Swift’s Gulliver’s Travels and refers to a land of giants. See, you’re learning. Now, the word is just used to describe stuff that is abnormally large. Not that there’s anything abnormal about a chair that allows your feet dangle above the ground makes you look like Edith Ann from Sesame Street. It’s perfectly acceptable to set up shop in a gigantic chair in public. It’s your right.

Think that such a large chair that blocks other people’s views is rude? Believe that a blanket on the grass is the only true way to view an outdoor event? Well, if you could stop picking ants out of your food for a minute, maybe you’d be able to read the product description:

This is the portable chair that elevates your physical stature at any outdoor event. Measuring 5-1/2′ tall, the chair is certain to provide stadium seating at any venue, and its 9′ sq. seat affords ample room for fullbody gesticulations. The lofty seat elevates feet well above the ground, where they’re free to dangle and sway. The reinforced powder-coated steel frame and 400-denier rip-stop canvas support up to 400 lbs.

With nine square feet of seat space and security up to 400 pounds, you can keep those corn dogs and funnel cakes coming well into Rascal Flatts’ third encore. As for the full-body gesticulations, I suppose the chair is large enough to invite of a friend up to join you. I worry about the chafing, though.

No longer must you surround yourself with the idiots you call neighbors. Show them that they’re just peasants by kicking them with your dangling feet and dropping deep fried Oreo crumbs on their heads. You’re special. You’re somebody. You’re the owner of the Brobdingnagian Sports Chair.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Transforming Suitcase is Cool, I guess, But Not Practical

This suitcase has been making the rounds on all the blogs out there, but I figured it was still worth a late mention on Gadling if not for the fact that it’s the most useless travel-related “product” ever. It’s not even a product (thankfully) in that you can’t actually purchase it — but this is probably a good thing.

Essentially it’s your garden-variety suitcase with a twist: it transforms into a chair. This would be really, really cool if you were able to convert to chair form without dumping out the contents of your suitcase onto the ground. It just isn’t practical. But this is “art,” I guess, which is what they start calling creative products that fall short of mass appeal due to a severe case of inefficaciousness.

If you’re stuck on travel-related things that transforms from one thing into another, check out this luggage cart that doubles as a laptop table. Now that’s handy. [via]

The Original Canopy Chair

It’s amazing how fast those collapsible camping chairs came down in price. It seems like only a few years ago I picked one up for $20 or $30, and now you can find them two-for-$10 at Wal-Mart. Granted, they’re poorly constructed at that price, but you get what you pay for.

If you’re willing to splurge a bit, Renetto has what they call the Canopy Chair. This comfy cousin to the cheapo is equipped with dual cup holders and a sun-blocking canopy attached to the back — perfect for your next camping trip. I just might have to get me one.

The Original Canopy Chair is available from Renetto for $49. [via]