SkyMall Monday: Walk-O-Long

by Mike Barish on

Shockingly, I do not have any children…that I know of. Sure, they’re cute and cuddly and can fetch you a beer when you don’t want to step away from the television. But, in these modern times, they’re also coddled, spoiled and, quite frankly, a tad too cocky. Now that they can control their own nosebleeds and traverse even the most demanding terrains, there’s just no stopping their egos from growing beyond our control. Children used to be humble and obedient. Today, they text their parents with demands for Super Sweet Sixteens. We’ve lost control of our children (well, your children). That’s why I’ve decided that the time has come for adults to once again assert our dominance. For those of us with drivers licenses, voting rights and porn purchasing power to rise up, stand tall and crush those sniveling rugrats once and for all. Since this is a new problem that I just realized we have, there is clearly only one source that could possibly provide us with the necessary assistance. I am referring, of course, to SkyMall. But how can SkyMall help us destroy the spirits of countless children? It is but a catalog of fantastical goods. Well, did you know that SkyMall sells the single greatest product for psychological warfare against children? Oh, yes, my adult comrades, it is true. I give you the Walk-O-Long.

How does it work, you ask? You’re just chock full of questions today, aren’t you? You see, the Walk-O-Long is a foam and nylon leash that connects to a harness that you strap onto your child. Watch from a convenient-and forced-close proximity as your child’s self-esteem, freedom and imagination slowly whither away. With their ability to run free and believe in their self-worth sufficiently destroyed, children will cede control and adults will finally return to power.

Not sure that the Walk-O-Long is up to the task? Lest you doubt my selection of this child-destroyer, I’m happy to share this information from the product description:

Made of super strong flat nylon webbing used by firefighters with built-in comfy handles to fit every adult grip.

It fits every adult grip! That includes both kung-fu and Super Poli!

So, are you with me? Will you join the resistance? Then put on your camouflage underpants, pack a lunch and purchase the Walk-O-Long. It’s about time children stopped being treasured and started being tethered.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Travel Read: The Weight of Silence, Invisible Children of India

by Sean McLachlan on

If you’ve been to India you’ve seen them–they beg at the train stations, or collect plastic from the side of the road, or sell candy and tissues on the buses. They’re India’s 25 million abandoned children, and the ones you see count themselves lucky. Millions more are worked to death in sweatshops or brothels, or simply left in the wilderness to die.

The Weight of Silence: Invisible Children of India, a new book by Dog’s Eye View Media, explores the struggles of India’s homeless or orphaned children. Author Shelley Seale’s discovery of this human tragedy led her life in a whole new direction, and it is this that gives the book its impetus. Not only do we learn about the struggles of India’s children, and the living saints who dedicate their lives to helping them, but we watch Seale’s personal transformation from a Yuppie into something much more real.

Besides her personal story, two things really set this book apart from the “see the horrible things happening in the Third World” genre. Firstly, it takes a mostly positive spin. While Seale doesn’t flinch from the uglier side of Indian life, she focuses on the children’s resilience and dreams. They don’t come off as poor victims waiting for rich peoples’ help. Her main point is that these kids aren’t in need of handouts, but the basic human right of a childhood.

The second strong point is that the book is well grounded in fact, skillfully interwoven with the narrative so that it never slows down the writing. We learn such nasty tidbits such as that rural doctors give their patients the wrong medicine 50% of the time, or that only one in three rural medical practitioners know how to make rehydration solutions to treat diarrhea, and horrible statistics about child prostitution. All of these are carefully annotated.

The Weight of Silence is part travelogue, part expose, and gripping reading. The fact that this book shows deep respect for India’s people while not ignoring their faults sets this book apart. Even people who have traveled extensively in India will learn a lot.

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Galley Gossip: More flight attendant pet peeves – the summer edition

by Heather Poole on

It’s summer and school’s out! Time to take that family vacation you’ve been waiting for all year. What does this mean for flight attendants? Full flights, lots of kids, and a terrible time trying to commute to work. It also means a whole new set of flight attendant pet peeves…..

1. Deodorant – Need I say more?
2. Boarding – Just because you have kids does not entitle you to board first, especially when the ages of those kids fall into the double digits. Oh I know it takes a little longer to get settled in due to the Winnebago sized stroller piled high with who-knows-what, but airlines strive for on-time departures and the fastest way to get the airplane out is to board from back to front. Sit tight and wait for your row to be called.
3. Car seats – There are dozens of different models to choose from each year, so unless your flight attendant has a child that owns the exact same car seat, he/she will be just as clueless as to how to secure the seat properly. Review the installation instructions before you board and make sure you’re not blocking other passengers from the aisle before spending a good fifteen minutes strapping it to the seat.
4. Blankets – It’s hot as a mother out there, but don’t come on board an aircraft half dressed and then get angry at me when I’m unable to find you a blanket. Most domestic flights don’t even offer blankets anymore, and if they do, there are only a handful to pass out. Bring a sweatshirt next time.
5. Snacks – Traveling today is much like being on an episode of Survivor in that you must come prepared for the worst. Sure, you may not be hungry when the snack cart rolls by, but if there’s even the slightest chance you might get the munchies an hour before arrival, buy the snack! Don’t wait until it’s too late. We do run out of food. Or just bring your own snacks next time. I do.

6. Kids – I know it’s a long flight, and yes, your little stinker is adorable, and I really don’t mind that he’s standing in the aisle when the seat belt sign is off, but please, please, please, when you see us trying to get the service done, keep little Johnny in his seat. Do you really want me to fall on top of him? Or accidentally kick him down the aisle?
7. Parents – You’re sitting in first class while the kids are in coach. I get it, you’re worried, makes perfect sense, but don’t keep asking me to move a one-hundred-and-fifty pound beverage cart so you can continuously check up on them. And don’t you dare take first class service items back to coach. If you’re worried that much and you’d like to share your experience, try sitting beside them next time.
8. Call lights – They’re there for a reason, which means it’s okay to use them. But ringing the flight attendant call button fifteen times on a two hour flight is just not acceptable, even if the person ringing that bell is under two feet tall. Lights and sounds are used as a means of communication between crew members, so if the call light is being abused don’t be surprised if a flight attendant arrives at your row holding a fire extinguisher. If you’re a parent, quick – learn how to turn the call light off!
9. Deplaning– The captain makes an announcement to prepare for landing about twenty minutes prior to touch down. How about using this time to get the princess dressed and the toys packed – instead of waiting until everyone has deplaned except for the crew. There’s nothing worse than arriving to a city late at night with only an eight hour layover and while the cleaners wait to board, mommy is just tying the shoes while daddy is checking every seat back in sight.
10. UM’s: There’s been a lot in the news about airlines losing unaccompanied minors, but what about parents who show up 45 minutes late? Or not at all! It’s happened. I, myself, got stuck at baggage claim with a kid who looked to be about 10 years-old. I would have asked him his age, but he didn’t speak English, so we just stood there smiling at each other – for 45 minutes.

Photos courtesy of: (suitcase) Ksfc84, (Monkey) Rob, (Airplane) Woodleywonderworks

For summer, a banquet of exotic fresh fruits: Bring travel back home

by Jamie Rhein on

So you’re at home this summer. Your vacation budget is bust. Sure, there are backyard barbeques with friends and family stretching out into summer, but that tropical vacation feels long gone.

Or perhaps, you have never been on a tropical vacation. Perhaps a tropical fruit to you is the canned version of Dole pineapple–the one that waits in your kitchen cabinet.

Hop to it. An exotic experience might be as close as your neighborhood grocery store. As you browse the fruit, section buy those that you haven’t tried before.

Perhaps, they are the odd looking ones. Go head. Pick one up. If you’re heading to a barbeque, bring some with you and give your friends a geography lesson with the bounty. If you’re a parent, pull out a geography book and give your kids a taste of the world.

Here are suggestions and countries where such tastes can be had. I found them in local markets where I’ve lived and traveled, and some of them, in my own backyard.

1. Last year we purchased three dragon fruits in Chinatown in New York City. Dragon fruits, a nickname for pitaya, are cultivated in Vietnam, among other places. Those three brought back memories of our pleasures of first trying them on our first Vietnam visit. Even though I’ve had them elsewhere, I attach them to this Vietnam experience.

2. In Bangkok, we head straight to the fresh coconut stand across from the Regency Park where we always stay. The vendors cut off the tops of coconuts, add a hole and slip in a straw. Sucking out fresh coconut juice is one of my daughter’s favorite treats.

3. Taiwan was the first place I ate a star fruit. A friend of mine had carefully cut one of these slightly sweet fruits into star-shaped slices and arranged them on a plate for a lunchtime dish.

4. Also in Taiwan, on a bus ride to Taroko Gorge, I ate an Asian pear for the first time at a rest stop. The crunchy, refreshing taste is distinct from the pears grown in the U.S. They’re like apples, but not quite.

5. In the Gambia, I was greeted each morning during the rainy season by a tree filled with mangoes that created welcome shade in my backyard. With lack of refrigeration, I ate mangoes morning, noon and night and made mango jam, mango bread and added mango slices to oatmeal. Since the season for that tree was so short, I didn’t have time to get tired of them. Not all mangoes are the same. I prefer the ones with juicy flesh and very little strings to get caught in my teeth.

6. If you’ve ever eaten bananas where they are grown, particularly the red ones that are not much bigger than a fat finger, you’ll have a hard time adjusting to the Cavendish variety most common to grocery stores. The Gambia also was a worthy introduction into banana wealth.

7. Also, in the Gambia, papaya trees were one of the easiest fruit trees to grow. Thus, papayas were everywhere, and almost all year long. Although I like them, I suggest squirting a bit of lime on your slice to add a bit of zip to the flavor.

8. The first time I ate a pomelo, my great aunt and uncle brought one back from California. As a young girl, the size amazed me. It’s the largest citrus fruit there is. Before I ate it, I took it to school for show and tell.

9. Singapore is a fruit lovers delight. Even though we had a durian tree in our backyard, we let other people have the fruit that is so stinky it’s banned on subways. I have had durian ice cream and found it appealing.

10. I first developed a taste for rambutans that we bought from the market in Singapore. One isn’t enough.

Of course, if you happen to live in the tropics, relish what you have. You’re lucky. You get the goods fresh off the trees.

Museum Junkie: London’s Science Museum turns 100

by Sean McLachlan on

London’s Science Museum turns 100 this year, and as part of the centeniary celebrations they’re asking for your input on the world’s most important invention.

Their list comes from ten important inventions they have in their museum, like the first x-ray machine developed in 1895, or the Model T Ford that first came off the production line in 1908, or the V2 rocket pictured here, first launched against London by the Nazis in 1944.

Personally. I’d vote for something the techies at the museum didn’t think of–agriculture. Yeah, that was a while ago, but agriculture provided a surplus that allowed some people to do things other than gather food, such as invent all this other stuff. No agriculture, no complex civilization, no technology, and no Gadling. Now there’s a scary thought.

The Science Museum has a massive collection of machines, devices, and widgets for every conceivable purpose. There are a lot of interactive displays, including a mockup of a Japanese supermarket where you can experience an earthquake. It’s one of the best places to take kids in London, along with the Natural History Museum with its weird deep sea fish and animatronic T-Rex. If you want to waste some time at work, take their “What dinosaur are you?” quiz. Apparantly I’m a Baryonyx.

With all this talk about inventions, what about travel? What are the most important inventions for people on the road? The backpack? The airplane? The Internet? Passports? What’s your vote for the most important invention for travelers?